Middle of Middle Earth School
by Jedi Gollum
Summary: Many famous characters from the Lord of the Rings are all off to First Grade, for the first time... Little elflings, men, hobbits and dwarves oh my!
1. The 1st Morning

**Chapter 1: The 1st Morning**

_Author's Note: Well, nice to see you all. I am missing many chapters to "Haldir: An Elfling's Tale" that I decided that while I wait for someone who has them to send them to me, I could entertain you folks with this. Now, it's only a cute little elfling fiction, and it does not mean that everything will be in perfect order. For example, Aragorn and Legolas are the same age._

_Realize now that this is not following Lord of the Rings very well so if you do not like, do not read. It is also very modern Lord of the Rings (for example, the school bus), so again, do not read if you do not like. _

_Now, go on. Read at your own risk. You may flame, it's your choice, but you have better things to do you know. Like feeding your goldfish. _

_Note on Chapter: There is many more elves, dwarves, hobbits and other creatures attending Middle of Middle Earth School, but I cannot write about every single one's morning before the first day of school. _

**------------------------------------------------------**

"Legolas, hurry up!" The elven king Thranduil yelled at his small son who was taking far to much time getting his hairbrush.

"I'm coming _ada_!" the small prince screamed, grabbing his silver and ivory brush in a hurry and running into his father's room.

"And you're not even dressed!" Thranduil moaned, pulling his little son onto his lap and began to brush his hair.

"It's your first day of school Legolas _Thranduilion_," Thranduil sighed as he braided Legolas hair into one long braid down his back. "And you're barely ready!" Thranduil said, releasing his son's long, golden hair.

"Go get dressed, then come to my study to pack your bag." Thranduil ordered. Legolas nodded his head and raced off to his room, located right between his father's room and his sister Illiendal's room.

Legolas pulled off his night tunic and his night leggings and grabbed some green leggings from a chest of clothing. He pulled out a blue tunic and pulled it over his small head with ease, and did the same with a royal, green tunic similar to the hunting tunic his brothers both wore. Legolas grabbed his belt and ran to his father's throne room.

"Legolas, you have to go pack your bag! If we don't leave soon, you will be late for class and get in trouble." Thranduil said. Legolas sighed.

"I know _ada_, but I need help!" Legolas whined, climbing onto his father's lap.

"Help with what, _ion-nin_?" Thranduil asked, smiling as Legolas kissed his cheek.

"You know!"

"Know what?" Thranduil smiled.

"That I can't do my belt up by myself!"

"You really should at least try, Legolas."

"Please _ada_? It will just take longer and then I'll be late for school! You don't want THAT to happen, do you?" Legolas looked up with pleading, blue eyes.

"No, I do not wish for that to happen." Thranduil smiled, taking his son's small belt.

"Too tight _ada_!"

"How's this then?"

"Too loose!"

"Now?"

"Okay." Legolas smiled, cuddling up against his father.

"Legolas, go pack your bag."

"But I'm comfy here!" Legolas whined.

"Go." Thranduil ordered. Legolas sighed and went to his father's study were he threw everything into his backpack, including his lunch of a cheese sandwich, a bottle of water and a chocolate cookie that was made and packed by his brother's wife, Firelien, since she loved making Legolas' lunch, and Legolas loved her sandwiches.

"_Ada_! I'm ready!" Legolas called.

"Come then. I will take you to the stables. In the morning, you will ride with your sister, Illiendal to school. But since your sister always goes to visit Sernaer after school, you will take the school bus home, alright?" Thranduil looked down at his son.

"The school bus sounds scary." Legolas whispered.

"Don't worry, Legolas, it wont be." Thranduil smiled. Legolas smiled back as his father picked him up, kissed him on his brow, and placed him in front of his sister on her horse, Rofain.

"Be careful, and keep an eye on him." Thranduil whispered to his only daughter, Illiendal.

"I will, as often as I can."

"And I'd rather he not see you with Sernaer... Especially not kissing..."

"I would not, _Ada_." Illiendal smiled, kissing her father on his cheek before looking down at her small brother.

"Ready, Legolas, for school?"

"I guess so..."

"Say good bye to _ada_."

"Bye _ada_!"

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"Frodo, my lad, you're a quick one! All ready for school!" Bilbo praised his adopted heir, Frodo Baggins. Frodo, who was about to enter first grade for the first time, had just sat down at the breakfast table in Bag End, and Bilbo, the elderly hobbit who cared for him, was serving him eggs and bacon. Bilbo, himself, was having bacon and some wine to celebrate Frodo's first day of school.

"Yummy." Frodo smiled, taking a bite of some crispy bacon Bilbo had given him.

"Now you eat up, and we can ride on ponies to school. Won't that be fun?" Bilbo asked, grinning from ear to ear.

"Yes uncle, it will be!" Frodo beamed. "But first, I want to bring some of my favorite books. I can read them at recess."

"And on the bus ride home," Bilbo added. "For, as you know, I am a very, very busy uncle! I will not have the time to come on my fat little pony to bring you home, and if I did, we would eat dinner at midnight, supper at breakfast, breakfast at second breakfast and so forth! And you are far too young to come home by yourself on pony!" Bilbo smiled as Frodo put down his fork.

"I'm full, uncle."

"Full! You barely touched your food! But if you are full, I will not force you to eat. Go brush your teeth and hair, I will be ready in a moment." Bilbo said, taking Frodo's plate and eating the remaining food as Frodo went to brush his teeth and hair.

When Frodo returned to the kitchen, Bilbo was already on the pony, waiting for Frodo. Frodo grabbed his bag, which was properly filled with all his study books (such as 'Elmo's ABCs and 'Math with Bob the Builder'.

"Coming uncle Bilbo!" Frodo called, running out of the hobbit hole, which was his dwelling and (with help from Bilbo) hoping onto the pony.

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"ESTEL! ELLADAN! ELROHIR! ARWEN!" Elrond shouted for his children. First appeared Arwen, his young elven daughter, then Estel, his adopted son, who was a man, appeared, followed by Elrohir appeared, who was Elladan's twin and Elrond's son. Finally, Elladan, first born son of Elrond and Celebrian, appeared with a face full of pie.

"Elladan!" Elrond gasped.

"Nana let me eat some pie." Elladan blushed.

"And she let you walk out of the kitchen like THAT?" Elrond asked. Elrond left and brought back a damp cloth, which he used to wipe off Elladan's face.

"Now, it's your first day of school for all of you, and I am very proud, but very busy. Since Lord Glorfindel works at Middle of Middle Earth school, which is the school you will be attending, Glorfindel will be bringing you all with him to school. But Lord Glorfindel has to stay late after school, so you will all be returning home on the school bus. Have a good day at school."

Elrond kissed each of his children, and let Glorfindel take them. Arwen began to cry.

"Ada! I'm scared!" Arwen sobbed. Elrond sighed and took his daughter into his arms.

"Don't be scared Arwen. It will be safe. And you will make many friends." Elrond said softly.

"Don't worry Arwen! I will protect you!" Estel smiled bravely. Arwen gave him a hug, and the children where all taken to the stables by Glorfindel.

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"Come on Gimli! We can walk to school! Good exercise!" Gloin called. Gimli grumbled and ran (as fast as a dwarf can run) and followed his father to school. Gimli's mother, who was watching the two leave, noticed that the two looked very silly. But all dwarves look silly when they are running.

"Come on Gimli! Only a few more miles! We can do it!"

"But dad! I'm sweaty!"

"So am I. And I smell awful!"

"You always do."

"Thank you!"

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"Boromir! Faramir!" Denethor called. Faramir came running.

"What took you so long, Faramir?" Denethor asked. Faramir looked sadly up at his father... Faramir did not understand why his father thought he took 'so long' if he was the first to arrive.

When Boromir arrived, which was some minutes after Faramir, his father embraced Boromir. Faramir stuck out his tongue, for which he received a glare from his father.

"Come on, to the stables. You two will ride to school in the morning, and go on the bus to return, only because the school only provides busing in the after-noon. Have a good day at school, boys." Denethor said.

"We have to ride by ourselves?"

"Yes. You and your brother are old enough to ride by yourselves."

"But we're only this grade!" Faramir complained, sticking up one finger to show that he was in grade one.

"You should be proud to be trusted at such a young age! Now go, you may ride on your ponies!" Denethor smiled, watching as Boromir took his brother's hand and ran off to the stables with him.

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"I am so pleased that I am going to be teaching children!" Gandalf the Gray smiled as he rode on the lord of the eagles. Gandalf would be teaching elvish, and he was on his way to the Middle of Middle Earth School.

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"Come on Pip! We're going to be late!" Merry called. Merry was walking beside his father, and they where going to school. Pippin was tagging along since his father was too busy, being Thain, to walk him to school.

"Think we will be able to prank a few hobbit lads?" Merry asked in a whisper to Pippin.

"Don't you think of it!" Saradoc, Merry's father, said.

Merry grumbled, but smiled when he saw his cousin's eager nod.

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The old gaffer smiled.

"Well Sam, it was quite the pony ride! But now we are here, in the Middle of Middle Earth, at The Middle of Middle Earth School."

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_To be continued..._

**Ada: Dad/Daddy [in this case, Daddy]**

**Thranduilion: Son of Thranduil. **

**Ion-Nin: My son**

**Estel: Hope. Note that Estel is the name Elrond gave to Aragorn son of Arathorn. **

_Now, for those of you who wonder "How can hobbits, elves, wizards and dwarves all get to the same school in only an hour each if some of them live months away from the middle of middle earth"... Well, this is fiction. Or, they just have really, fast horses. Remember that this is just to amuse you, so it's not really "perfect" middle earth... I don't want to have hobbits travelling for a year to get to school, then have to go back home every night and back to school the next day! Until next time, Jedi Gollum. _


	2. Welcome to School

**Chapter 2: Welcome to School**

All the elves, hobbits, dwarves, men and every other creature in the schoolyard ran inside, not to be late.

Merry kissed his father good bye, grabbed Pippin's hand, and went through the hobbit entrance: a round, green door on the school that was made for hobbits only.

Legolas quietly followed his sister, being very shy. Legolas only knew the twins, Estel and Arwen and was nervous that no one else would like him. Sernaer also knew Legolas, and when he came to see Illiendal he pat Legolas on his head.

"Have fun at school Legolas." Sernaer smiled. Legolas watched Sernaer try and kiss his sister, which of course Legolas would tell his father and then start asking his father many annoying questions, but Illiendal stopped him and without saying anything pointed to the little elfling who sat on the cement, looking up and watching as if it was a movie.

Sernaer seemed to understand, so Illiendal took Legolas by his wrist and dragged him inside the school.

Elladan, Elrohir, Arwen and Estel had already been taken inside by Glorfindel, and running around his classroom knocking things over. Eventually Glorfindel got tired of yelling at them so sent them to the great hall were everyone was getting their teachers.

"Seventh years, please come with me!" Glorfindel yelled. Glorfindel taught homeroom to the seventh years, and he also had a music class.

A kid named Sauron, he was a big kid, taller than Glorfindel at any rate, came with Glorfindel. So did Sauron's buddy, Morgoth (who preferred being called Meklor). Glorfindel was quite scared of Morgoth when Morgoth said he had a pet Balrog.

"First years, come here!" Gandalf called. All the hobbits jumped up (for they had been sitting on a bench.

"Gandalf! Gandalf! Gandalf! Gandalf!" They all sang in joy, running over to the wizard. Gandalf smiled and pat each hobbit on his or her head.

"Go on Legolas, you get to go with Mister Gandalf." Illiendal whispered, giving her brother a little nudge.

"I-I don't want to leave you, Illiendal... Can't you come too?"

"No. Legolas, I have to go with Erestor, you know that!"

"That's mister Erestor." Erestor said, putting a hand on Illiendal and Sernaer's shoulders.

"Come on you two." Erestor ordered, smiling at Legolas. Illiendal gave Legolas a kiss on his cheek and went with Sernaer over to where their classmates waited for Erestor.

"Hi Legolas. You remember me, from Rivendell?" Erestor asked. Legolas smiled.

"Yes. You where chasing Glorfindel around Elrond's house with a frying pan."

Erestor blushed slightly.

"Yes I was... Now, don't you want to go with Gandalf?"

"I don't know. It looks scary."

"Gandalf is not scary! You know Gandalf, don't you?"

"Yes. I met him in Rivendell. And some times _Ada_ tells me about him." Legolas said.

"Come on then. It will be fun. And you are already friends with Estel, Elladan and Elrohir, and they are all in Gandalf's class, as well as Arwen! Go say hello to them." Erestor smiled as Legolas went over to the twins and said hello.

Faramir stood beside Gandalf, clutching his robes.

"Mister Gandalf-

"You only need to call me Gandalf, little Faramir."

"What if Boromir does not come? What if he fell off his pony?" Faramir asked.

At that moment, a muddy Boromir came running into the hall and stood beside Faramir.

"What happened to you, mister Boromir?" Gandalf asked.

"I fell off my pony."

"You're father is teaching here, Boromir, so you can go ask him for a change of cloths. We will be in the classroom." Gandalf smiled.

"Come on little ones. We will be going to class."

Frodo took one of Gandalf's hands and they walked to the first classroom in the hall.

"Everyone take a seat. Elflings please sit near the back of the class, and hobbits in the front." Gandalf said. The seats (which were attached to desks) were in four rows with ten in each row, Gandalf's desk at the very front and not in the rows.

Legolas went in the second to last row, in between Elladan and Estel. Elrohir sat beside Elladan, and Arwen beside Estel.

Sam sat beside Frodo, at the end of the first row. Merry was beside Pippin and Pippin was on the other side of Frodo.

When everyone was seated, Gandalf wrote his name on the chalkboard.

"Hello, class. My name is Gandalf."

"Did you bring fireworks, Gandalf?" Frodo asked.

"If you wish to speak raise your hand."

Frodo raised his hand.

"Yes, Mister Baggins?"

"Did you bring fireworks?"

"Yes, but we will only launch them at recess... For now, here are your schedules... Who would like to pass these out?" Gandalf asked. Before anyone could raise his or her hand, an elfling came into the classroom.

"I'm sorry Gandalf, sir... My baby brother would not stop crying... so my ada had to feed him... and so I'm late." The little elfling looked as shy and scared just like Legolas.

"It's alright Haldir. Here, pass these out on every desk and then take a seat. There is one empty desk behind Legolas."

Haldir passed out the schedules to everyone, and then took a seat a looked at the schedule:

**Monday------------- Tuesday----------- Wednesday ------Thursday**

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_Gandalf - Elvish - Denethor - English - Celeborn - Math - Galadriel - Arts_

**Friday**

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_Glorfindel - Music_

"So, today you will all have elvish, with me. But first, since it is your first day of school, I will explain this school even more... Are there any questions you would like answered?" Gandalf asked. Elladan raised his hand.

"Yes, Elrohir?"

"It's Elladan."

"My apologies..."

"Is there a snack time?"

"Yes, at recess."

Elrohir raised his hand.

"Is there a lunch time?"

"Yes, Elrohir."

Since their where no more questions, Gandalf began to speak.

"Now, there is no eating inside, because poor Janitor Gollum will not enjoy cleaning up spills." Gandalf said. "And if you misbehave you will be sent to Janitor Gollum for a detention, or to the principal Isildur." Gandalf said. "And be polite with lunch lady Treebeard."

Legolas raised his hand.

"Yes, Legolas?"

"Isn't Treebeard a boy tree?"

"Yes, but at this school whoever works in the lunch room is considered a lunch _lady_."

Many of the children giggled.

"Now, it is recess time. Everyone take out your snacks and follow me outside to the schoolyard. No leaving the schoolyard during recess time!" Gandalf smiled. All the children followed him happily.

_To be continued..._

**InterstellarHobbit:** Yes, they are all in the same grade... Only some characters are in higher grades, like Sauron, but that's for a reason.

**Petals:** I'm glad you fed Goldy the Goldfish. We don't want Goldy to die, do we? Then there might be a Goldfish shortage or something worse! You could be called a murderer, and you may just go as crazy as Gollum and kill Deagol. Poor Deagol.

_I've been having trouble uploading things, so that's why there's been such a lack of updates here. But I will still be updating, don't you worry about that! And, anything underlined means that they are very modern, such as the frying pan, school bus and chalk board._


	3. Recess 1

**Chapter 3: Recess 1**

At the recess, Legolas saw his sister, so he ran over to her and grabbed onto her leg.

"Hi Legolas." Illiendal smiled, patting her brother on his head. "How is school so far?"

"It's okay. Glorfy will teach us music!" Legolas smiled. Illiendal nodded.

"Next year Glorfindel will be teaching me history." Illiendal smiled.

"We don't have history yet." Legolas said sadly.

"Then you are lucky! All we learn about is elvish lords, like Adar and Elrond. But next year we will learn about battles and much more concerning the first age, such as Glorfindel's death." Illiendal smiled.

Legolas remained quiet for a while.

"Why are you not playing with your friends?" Illiendal asked.

"I don't have any." Legolas whispered.

"Yes you do! You are good friends with the twins, Estel and Arwen."

"I'm not that much friends with Arwen. Girls are icky."

Illiendal arched an eyebrow.

"Legolas, have you forgotten that I am a girl?"

"I know that. So was nana. But you and nana are not icky. But all the other girls are."

"What about Cield's wife, Firelien, and Cield's daughters, Caleniel and Malfinniel? Are they icky?"

"No. Just... Some girls are!" Legolas said.

"Alright, have it your way. Why don't you go make some new friends?"

"...Okay."

But Legolas instead went to talk with Glorfindel who had the duty of monitoring the schoolyard.

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Haldir was quietly playing in the mud alone. Usually, Haldir was loud and no were near shy. But no one even wanted to talk to him, so Haldir was remaining quiet. Haldir was very upset. No one seemed to like him at all. Gimli kept making faces at him and saying things that where rude in dwarvish. All the hobbits where scared of him. Legolas was too shy to notice him. The twins wanted to prank him. Arwen only spent time with Estel. Haldir knew he had to talk to them if he wanted to make friends, but he was afraid they would not like him at all.

Just then, Sauron and Meklor came up to Haldir.

"Look Sauron, it's a little happy elfling." Meklor laughed.

Haldir remained quiet and ignored them.

"Yes, Meklor, you're right! He's a little Lorien baby."

"I'm not a baby!" Haldir snapped, then continuing to ignore them.

"Oh really? Than what are you? A Midget? A hobbit that has feet problems and a bad hair day?"

"No. I just have not finished growing yet. B-but then I'll be tall, taller than you. And I'll be March warden like my ada."

"Yes, but since you're not finished growing yet, you are still an elfling. We are finished growing, and we are much bigger than you, don't you think?"

"Ya..." Haldir whispered.

"Which is why we are able to do this!" Meklor laughed, kicking Haldir's small body into the mud. Haldir was coated in mud, and he was crying. But no one could tell Haldir was crying because of the mud.

And Haldir did not have a change of clothes. And what made him cry harder was the fact that Gimli was rolling on the floor laughing, at him.

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While all the little elves, dwarves, hobbits and other creatures where having fun at recess, little Radagast the brown was in trouble with Gandalf for trying to set off fireworks.

"Radagast, only wizards who are gray or white and have experience can set off fireworks, understand?"

"Yes..." Radagast sighed.

"Then go out and play. There is still ten minutes of recess." Gandalf smiled as Radagast ran off.

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"One... Two... Three..." Sam counted as he watched Frodo skip rope. Merry and Pippin where turning.

"Join him Sam!" Pippin shouted.

"N-no... I might mess it all up..."

"You can do it Sammy!" Merry called. When Sam was about to jump in, Gimli ran through the cord and made Frodo trip. Gimli was only running through because the ice cream truck was passing by.

"Mister Frodo!" Sam cried, running to help little Frodo to his feet.

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Legolas noticed Haldir, who was covered in mud. Legolas was raised to be a proper boy, to be polite and helpful. Legolas also knew what it was like to be bullied, and pitied the muddy elfling. And most importantly, Glorfindel was boring.

"Do you want help?" Legolas asked softly. Haldir looked up.

"How can you help me?" Haldir asked.

"I have extra clothes in my backpack. I can give you some, my ada wont mind, 'cause I have too much clothes at home. And I can help you clean the mud off you.

"Okay." Haldir said.

Legolas took Haldir's hand and helped him inside, where he got his extra clothes and Haldir got changed in the bathroom. Then, Legolas helped Haldir get the mud off his feet, legs, face and hair and by the time they where finished recess was over and they had to return to class.

"Thanks." Haldir whispered. Legolas shrugged.

"It was nothing... I'm Legolas, by the way." Legolas smiled, rushing to his seat in class. Haldir went to his own seat and sat down quietly.

_To Be Continued..._

That Umdomiel Chick: Tomorrow Denethor (who will be really mean since I hate Denethor) will force the twins to wear nametags. With no safety pins, just pins. Someone's going to get a booboo.

**Lombadia Greenleaf: I have a plot monkey. I call him Jedi Monkey.**

**Kisstheraingirl12489: These guys did not go to kindergarten. I put them in grade one to start with because I was not sure if every place in the world had a kindergarten and 'first grade' is easier to spell... At least for me.**

**Kathysidle: Well, I don't know. All I've really seen that's Lord of the Rings related on the simpsons is: **

_**A garbage guy taking the garbage and saying "My precious..."**_

_**Ian Mckellen (but he was in Macbeth and not rings).**_

**InterstellarHobbit: Of course they will be in the story! **

**Mistopurr: Guess what? That balrog's name was Balgy. Older Illiendal is easier to write though I prefer to slip her in when there is also an older Haldir. Just because the flames ate my love story about Haldir and Illiendal, does not mean that I still believe they are together. If you see my site, Illiendal's character page looks just like it would if the stories had not been deleted.**

**Knowname: Now, I'm not certain if you like the story or not. If you do, tell me... I have not read the books in a while and when I wrote about the frying pan I had "frying bacon on the oven" in my head, but come to think of it I remember Merry frying bacon on the fire... And my mom's reading the books and when I asked her if Sam had a frying pan she said "It sounds familiar"...**

_It's been a while... Sorry for the lack of updates._


	4. Learning Elvish

**Chapter 4: Learning Elvish**

"Alright class, we are going to learn some elvish words today." Gandalf paused for applause, but none came.

"These words will also be your spelling words for the week. Next week on Monday will be your test. There are five words." Gandalf smiled. Boromir moaned, Faramir smiled joyfully, Legolas and Haldir where prepared, and Janitor Gollum ran out of the classroom screaming "Nasty Elves!"

"Alright, so our first phrase - yes, you will be studying phrases - is **Nesto Nin**. Does anyone know what that means?" Gandalf asked. Legolas' had rose.

"It means Heal me!"

"Correct, Thranduilion. You get a star sticker." Gandalf said, giving Legolas a star sticker.

"Next phrase is **Mae govannen**. What does that mean?"

Haldir's arm rose slowly.

"Well Met." Haldir whispered.

"Good, Haldir of Lorien. You, like Legolas, get a star sticker!"

Haldir smiled and Gandalf stuck a star sticker on his tunic.

"Your third sentence is only a word: **Navaer**. What does that mean?"

"Does it even matter? NO! We are not all elves, and we will NOT be speaking this dumb language at home, so why learn it? We will not need to use it even, so why bother? Why? It is a waste of our lives!" Boromir shouted (without even raising his hand).

"Boromir, Boromir... I believe you shall be going to see Janitor Gollum for a detention. Go on." Gandalf ordered. Boromir left the classroom, very happily because he was missing elvish class.

"So again, I ask, what does **Navaer** mean?"

Elladan's hand rose.

"Be... fine?"

"No, little Elladan, but very close. Elrohir, do you know what it is?"

"Be good?"

"Yes, a star for you!"

Gandalf gave Elrohir a star, but Elladan was very jealous and tried to grab it off his brother, which started a fight.

"Oh my!" Gandalf said, running over to the intercom and pushing two buttons.

"You called the office?" Secretary Elendil (father of Isildur) asked.

"Yes, could you send two of the Rohan Soldiers to break up a fight?"

"Yes Gandalf."

And in five minutes, two Rohan Soldiers (Craig and Bob) where pulling the twins apart.

"Elladan, to the principal's office." Gandalf pointed to the door. Head down, Elladan left the classroom.

Elrohir raised his hand.

"Yes, Elrohir?"

"C-could I have a new star? Elladan ripped mine." Elrohir whispered.

"Certainly."

Gandalf gave Elrohir a new star.

"Now our fourth word is **Galu**. What does that mean?"

Figwit was first to raise his hand.

"Yes, Melpomaen?" Gandalf asked. Melpomaen was the elvish name belonging to Figwit.

"Good luck. **Galu** means good luck."

"Yes, and good job Melpomaen! You get a star sticker.

Figwit got a pink star sticker.

"Now your last word is: Tirio. This one is only a word, in both elvish and English."

Arwen and Estel both rose their hands.

"Oh, a mortal believes he knows the answer? Go ahead Estel."

"It means 'look'."

"Yes! You get a star, Estel! Good job, all of you. So here is a list for all of you with the five elvish phrases and words - study hard!" Gandalf said. "Estel, here is your star. You also can pass out the list of words to everyone." Gandalf ordered. The list of words was like the following:

[1] **Nesto Nin**

[2] **Mae govannen**

[3] **Navaer**

[4] **Galu**

[5] **Tirio**

_**Test is on Monday in Gandalf's elvish class! Study well! **_

"Now, we will all make name tags for our desks! Here, Arwen, you may pass out the paper. You can work in pairs if you want, but everyone makes their own name tag, and you must write your name in pretty colors on the paper and decorate the paper. Then I will tape your names on your desks, so you know where you sit."

_To Be Continued..._

Laer4572: That would be fun... poor Haldir... I think he'll get beat up like, tomorrow at recess.

**InterstellarHobbit: Well, Cield is mentioned. I can't remember if Tonus is. But they will be in.**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Well... um... maybe you should go read Laer4572's suggestion that I liked...**

**Lombadia Greenleaf: Jedi Monkey thanks you for the toffee. Jedi Monkey offers you a Krispy Kream Donut... those are so good...**


	5. Elladan at the Office

**Chapter 5: Elladan at the office**

Elladan was scared. He remembered one of Glorfindel's scary stories about the evil principal... Elladan was scared even more.

'It was just a stupid sticker...' Elladan thought, pushing the door to the office open. Secretary Elendil looked down at him.

"You're the one who was fighting?"

"Yes sir."

"The principal is ready to see you mister...?"

"Elladan."

"Elladan, go through that door to see the principal." Elendil pointed to the door that said 'Isildur was here and still is' on it.

Elladan went over to that door, and with Elendil's held, opened it.

"Isildur, sweetie, a little elfling's here to see you." Elendil said.

"Okay dad."

Elladan walked into the room.

"You can sit down." Isildur said. Elladan did as he was told. Isildur never once looked up from his dot to dot.

"Oh look! It's Cirdan! Cool. Elladan, would you like a dot to dot?" Isildur asked. "Don't be shy."

"Yes." Elladan whispered.

"They are in that box." Isildur pointed to a cardboard box that said "ISILDUR'S DOT TO DOT - AGE 5".

Elladan took a few and sat on the floor.

"Here are some crayons." Isildur handed Elladan some Crayola crayons.

Elladan began his dot-to-dot.

Isildur took some crayons for himself and began to color in his Cirdan dot-to-dot. By the time Isildur was done coloring, Elladan had finished his dot to dot.

"What's your dot-to-dot of?" Isildur asked.

"A ring."

"Wow." Isildur said.

Elladan picked up a purple crayon and began to color the ring. When he was finished, he wrote his name in the corner.

"What do I do with it now that I'm finished?"

"Keep it, and start another one, if you want. I also have color by number."

"Can I do a color by number?"

"Yes, here is one." Isildur handed Elladan a color by number.

Elladan colored the whole color by number, and was happy when he saw the results.

"Look sir! It's a pink orc!"

Isildur and Elladan giggled.

"Want to play monopoly?"

"Ya!"

Isildur shoved all his papers off the desk (most of them where pages from coloring books), and placed the monopoly board on his desk. Elladan brought his chair close to the desk.

"I want to be the blue piece!" Elladan said.

"Only if I get to be the red piece." Isildur smiled.

"Okay!"

Elladan grabbed his blue piece and placed it on GO.

"Can I start?" Elladan asked.

"Okay."

Elladan took the dice and rolled.

"Five," Elladan said, counting the dots on the dice. "One, two, three, four, five." Elladan said.

"You get to pick up a CHANCE card!" Isildur smiled.

Elladan took a chance card.

"I cant read what it says. It's in dwarvish." Elladan sighed. "Oh! I know dwarvish!" Isildur smiled, taking the card from Elladan.

"Advance to the nearest Ferry. If the nearest Ferry is owned, pay owner twice the amount of rent. If not owned, buy the nearest ferry." Isildur read. Elladan placed his blue piece on the nearest ferry, the Buckle Berry Ferry, and it was for sale: $200.

"I have to buy it?" Elladan asked.

"Yes."

Elladan gave $200 to the bank, and took the card that showed that he owned Buckle Berry Ferry.

On Isildur's turn, he rolled a six.

"There! I'm at Bree! But I don't want to buy it. Your turn, Elladan."

So the two played for a while, until Elladan won: he owned everything, had the most money, and Isildur was broke.

"You win Elladan! But now it's time for you to go back to class."

"Aww, that was really fun! Can I come back soon?"

"Sure!"

"Isildur?" Elladan asked.

"Yes?"

"How old are you?"

"Ninety one."

"Oh. I thought you where seven, like me!"

"Bye Elladan!"

"Bye Isildur!"

And Elladan happily returned to class, no longer mad.

But Boromir's detention with Gollum did not go AS well...

_To be Continued..._

_I love monopoly!_

**Bberry06: A website. I can send you an e-mail link to it if you want, and soon I'll post the website on my site, 'cause it's so great!**

**Kiraya525: Ya, I just realized that... I was watching the lord of the rings extended edition and I saw Sam killing orcs with a frying pan... **

**Laer4572: Spelling Counts... Go talk to Gandalf.**

**Draco's Daughter: Exactly! If this was not modern, poor Elladan would have had the belt instead of Monopoly!**

**Knowname: Good! Lots of people (especially flamers) hate stories that have modern Lord of the rings characters or little lord of the rings characters... I'm surprised that I have not seen any flamers yet, and I hope they don't come!**

**InterstellarHobbit: That's true... I just noticed that! Well I do want to mention Cield in this story; Cield is in ALL my stories, after all...**

**Kathysidle: On the bus, he will... And of course, he will in the later chapters.**

**That Undomiel Chick: I don't like Arwen, 'cause she stole Glorfindel's horse. And I hate Denethor. I think Denethor did not read the tag that was on Pippin that said 'handle with care'... And in the extras in the two towers, Boromir and Faramir where like 'Oh no, here comes father...' I _HATE_ Denethor.**


	6. Place Tags for Gandalf's Class

**Chapter 6: Place Tags for Gandalf's class**

"Anyone who wishes to work with a partner, get your partners now!" Gandalf ordered. Elladan came running into the room, his detention over, and was now ready to make his place tag like the other children.

Elladan went with Elrohir.

Figwit worked alone.

Merry worked with Pippin.

Frodo worked with Sam.

Eowyn worked with Eomer.

Arwen worked with Estel.

Faramir worked alone (since Boromir was still with Janitor Gollum).

And Legolas did not know who to work with... but then, and just then, Legolas remembered he had helped the elfling Haldir at recess, so decided it would be best to work with him since the twins where already working together and mister Gandalf only wanting the students to work in partners.

"Hi..." Legolas said softly to Haldir. Haldir looked up (for he had been looking at the floor sadly since no one wanted to work with him).

"Hi Legolas."

"You never told me your name." Legolas said.

"I'm Haldir."

"Hi Haldir."

"Hi Legolas."

"Want to... work with me?" Legolas asked.

"Sure! But... wouldn't you rather work with one of your other friends?" Haldir asked, looking over at the twins, and then to Figwit.

"The twins ALWAYS work together, and Figwit likes working by himself," Legolas said. "And anyways, I want to work with you." Legolas smiled happily. Legolas pulled his chair over to Haldir's desk and they worked together on their place tags.

"Gandalf!" Merry raised his hand. Merry was sitting beside Pippin, and had already finished his place tag.

"Yes, Meriadoc?"

"I'm done. How are you going to make my name stick to my desk?" Merry asked, looking up at Gandalf. Pippin was still trying to figure out how to take the marker's cap off.

"With some sticky tack. It's blue sticky stuff that I can use to stick your name on your desk with. It's as sticky as gum, and it even looks like blue gum."

"I bet it tastes like gum too! Yummy!" Merry said.

"No Meriadoc, I would not eat sticky tack."

"Well I would!"

"No, you should not. Now I am going to be taking your name and sticking it on your desk." Gandalf said. Merry gave Gandalf his place tag and Gandalf took some blue sticky tack and stuck the name on Merry's desk.

"Now what do I do Gandalf?"

"Well you could-

Pippin finally got his cap off, but as soon as he took it off ink - plum colored ink - sprayed Pippin all over his face.

"You could help Pippin wash that ink off in the bathroom."

"Okay." Merry smiled, taking Pippin's hand and running off to the bathroom with the little Took dragging behind him.

"Frodo, did you hear what Gandalf just said?" Sam asked Frodo in barely a whisper.

"About the sticky tack?"

"Ya, about the tack!"

"Yes, I heard."

"Merry thinks it tastes like gum! Oh I love gum! I bet it tastes like cherry bubble gum. Oh Mister Frodo, cherry bubble gum is my favorite flavor in all of middle earth! I want to try some so badly! While we all leave for lunch, I think I'll snatch some of the sticky tack off of a nametag. Then I can have gum when I finish my lunch! I can share some with you too, mister Frodo!"

"No Sam, I don't feel safe eating sticky tack. Besides, by the time it's time for lunch Merry and Pippin will have already eaten all of the sticky tack."

"So, Gimli, how is your name tag going?"

"I'm done!" Gimli smiled (though it was hard to tell he was smiling because of his thick beard.

"Can I see?"

"Here it is." Gimli gave Gandalf his name tag. Gandalf could not make out Gimli's name because of all the scribbles on the name.

"Good job Gimli."

Gimli smiled happily. Gandalf secretly took a quill off his desk and wrote 'Gimli' on the back of Gimli's nametag. He put the nametag on Gimli's desk so that what Gimli drew was not showing, and instead 'Gimli' written by Gandalf showed.

"And you, Melpomaen, how are things going for you?"

"Well... Not so good." Figwit sighed.

"Well, what's the matter?" Gandalf asked, bending down to be eye level with Figwit.

"I can't fit my whole name on the tag. Since this is elvish class, I have to write my name in elvish. But my elvish name is Melpomaen, and that does not fit! All I can fit is Figwit, and that's English so it's no good."

Gandalf sighed.

"Figwit is alright. Your name does mean Figwit. And if that's all that fits, then that's all you put. It's as simple as that. Now let me stick it on your desk." Gandalf smiled fondly.

"Okay!" Figwit handed Gandalf his place tag eagerly.

"Arwen, your pretty." Estel smiled.

"Estel, stop looking at me and start your name tag."

Estel took his pencil and began to write his name. Once he wrote Estel, underneath he wrote in small letters 'Arwen is pretty'.

Arwen giggled, and drew a heart on her nametag. In the heart she wrote 'Estel'.

Legolas drew a bunch of random stick folk on his nametag, and Haldir drew many Lorien leaves on his.

When Pippin and Merry returned, Merry got to color in a color by number while Pippin finished his nametag. On his nametag he drew the shire.

Eowyn and Eomer almost made identical nametags. Eowyn and Eomer both used rohan designs. The only difference with the two tags was the names.

Gandalf went around attaching nametags until every desk save Boromir's had a nametag on it.

"I hope you all had fun making place tags! Now, line up and we will be going to the cafeteria for lunch!" Gandalf smiled as all the students grabbed their lunch bags and ran into the line happily as they where brought to the lunchroom.

_To be continued..._

_Next up, we see what awful detention Boromir got... Now for one of my favorite parts: The response to reviews! Oh, if you do not like the response to reviews, go to my website (at least you wont be wasting your time)..._

**Spaztic Arwen: I like corn, but soon I'll have braces, so no more corn for me.**

**Draco's Daughter: A Jordan? Do I want to know what that is?**

**Bberry06: I love monopoly. But my game is missing pieces, but I think I'll be getting lord of the rings monopoly for Christmas. **

**That Undomiel Chick: Down with Denethor! Down with Denethor! Down with Denethor! Whoever chose him to be steward was crazy.**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: I wanted to give Elladan a good time... But Boromir... That's another story.**

**Southerngirl4615: Many do like principal Isildur.**

**Silvereyedelven: Well, poor Boromir will be seeing lunch lady Treebeard in the next chapter...**

**Kathysidle: Of course I will show what happens to Boromir. It's spelt Isildur, but it does not mater that you spelt it wrong. I could not spell Elendil so I had to look it up at the encyclopedia of Arda.**

**Mistopurr: Evil Denethor and Arwen. Down with them both! Down with them both! Down with them both! Down with them both! Down with them BOTH! Poor star sticker of Elrohir's... It has gone to a better place. Yup, Boromir is a little rebel. **

**InterstellarHobbit: Oh, you will find out what happens to Boromir in the next chapter... As for Arwen... I wish Glorfindel were there!**

**Knowname: Well... I know it was not great... I was not really too keen on the idea of writing that chapter, but I forced myself to... It was necessary to show these strange folk what happened to Elladan. As for Isildur's behavior... I just thought it would be cute to see Isildur with his dot to dots, color by number and of course his monopoly board. Plus I had been playing monopoly the night before.**

**Laer4572: Well, were I live they can only hold you back once, but at Middle of Middle Earth School, you can be in one grade for up to 100 years!**


	7. Poor Frodo

**Chapter 7: Poor Frodo**

All the elves, dwarves, hobbits, men and other creatures hurried in line. Faramir was first in line, and pointed to the salad he wanted. To Faramir's surprise, it was not Treebeard giving out the food, instead Treebeard was cooking the food.

"One salad, Treebeard."

Treebeard handed the little boy working behind the counter a salad, and the little boy handed that salad to Faramir.

"Boromir, what are YOU doing there?" Faramir asked the boy behind the counter.

"Janitor Gollum kept on screaming when I was following him so Treebeard gave me my detention here instead of in the bathrooms with Gollum." Boromir shrugged.

"I'd like an apple, three pieces of pie, two slices of pizza, three cheeseburgers, half of a cake, a cup of coffee, two salads, some kool-aid, lemonade, a cup cake, some oreos, an ice cream sandwich, a salami sandwich, a ham sandwich, a cheese sandwich, a pizza wrap, a meatball submarine sandwich from subway, two crackers, chicken soup (extra large), thirty chocolate chip cookies and a bag of pop corn please, your _best _popcorn." Pippin ordered. Boromir's eyes widened, and handed Pippin a large tray filled with all the food he ordered.

"Enjoy your meal!"

Pippin smiled and went to the cash. Sadly, he learnt that all he could afford with his dollar was their best popcorn. Pippin bought the popcorn, and bargained enough to get the kool-aid thrown in for free.

Sam ordered the same as Pippin, but he could afford it all (because it pays to garden, seeing as how Pippin has never done a hard days work).

Legolas and Haldir where next to each other in line, making them able to giggle and play while they waited for their turn to order food.

Sauron then came, and went up to Haldir.

"I remember you..." Sauron smirked, looking down at the terrified elfling.

"Don't hurt him you meanie!" Legolas shouted, jumpting infront of Haldir as Sauron tried to smack him. Instead, Sauron smacked Legolas across his little face and shoved him. Legolas fell onto Haldir, who fell onto Frodo. Frodo fell at the back of his head hit the corner of a metal tray rack... It was sharp metal.

Sam screamed when he say Mister Frodo's head bleeding like mad.

"Poor Frodo." Merry and Pippin whispered.

Frodo was crying quietly, and no one could blame him, for poor Frodo's head needed stitches.

Poor Glorfindel had the duty of monitoring lunch, and look Legolas, Frodo, Haldir and Sauron by their wrists and dragged them to Elendil.

"Sauron pushed Legolas and Haldir, who made Frodo fall and cut his head open. May I take them to principal Isildur's office?"

"No, sorry professor Glorfindel, but its Isildur's nap time. But I AM vice principal, so I can deal with this." Elendil said.

"So I may go back to lunch monitoring?"

"Yes."

Glorfindel left.

"All of you take a seat."

Frodo sadly took a seat, still crying and was feeling dizzy from loss of blood.

Legolas and Haldir where very scared as they sat down.

Sauron just plopped down on a wooden chair, not really caring about what would happen.

Elendil took the phone.

"Yes, could you send an ambulance? We have a hobbit with a split head. Thank you." Elendil said, putting down the phone. "Well Frodo, an ambulance is on its way to bring you to Saint Tolkien's Hospital for Hobbits. Don't worry it's nothing big. Just a few stitches and you'll be back at school in no time!" Elendil smiled. Elendil then frowned and looked at Sauron.

"You, Sauron, are suspended. Go home now."

"Yes!" Sauron left the school and headed home.

The ambulance arrived and took Frodo to Saint Tolkien's Hobbit Hospital, leaving Elendil with Haldir and Legolas.

"Now... if it was not for you two, Frodo would not have been injured.

"But-

"No buts, Mister Greenleaf. I'm calling your father right now Thranduilion, and after I will be calling your parents, Haldir."

The two elflings sadly looked at the floor, rather upset since it was not their faults.

"Hello? Thranduil Oropherion? Oh, my mistake, _Lord_ Thranduil Oropherion. This is school calling about Legolas. Could you make it to the school in half an hour? You can? Great. We'll discus matters then." Elendil hung up. "Your father will be here in less than thirty minutes, Thranduilion." Elendil said, Legolas sadly nodding his head.

Elendil took the phone again.

"Hello? Is this Arhael, father of Haldir? Good. This is the school calling about Haldir. Could you get to the school in half an hour? You can make it in ten, great! See you then, sir." Elendil again put the phone down.

"Your fathers should be here soon, young ones. Then we will be dealing with punishments, hopefully no suspensions will be necessary."

In ten minutes, both Thranduil and Arhael entered the office and took seats beside their sons.

"Yes, Elendil, you called us?" Thranduil asked, looking down at his son who looked sad.

"Yes, I did, and it concerns your sons."

"What about them? I hope they have been behaving." Arhael said, looking down at the nervous little Lorien elf that was his son.

"Well, according to their teacher, Gandalf Istari, they behaved very well for elflings of their age-

"That surprises me. Legolas never behaves."

"Yes, well, it was at lunch that concerned me. Because of your elflings, little mister Baggins, a hobbit of the Shire, is gone to Saint Tolkien's hobbit hospital to get stitches on his head, for he was pushed by young Haldir and Legolas into a metal tray rack..." Isildur sighed as Thranduil's eyes widened.

"You pushed a hobbit, Legolas?"

"But-

"Stay silent Legolas." Thranduil ordered.

"Haldir, you are in a _lot _of trouble when you get home."

The two elflings now had tears in their eyes, since it still was not their faults.

"Mister... Elendil... Can we please... tell our side... of the story?" Legolas said, quiet sobs in between words.

"Yes you may. Legolas, tell your side first, then Haldir." Elendil said, looking at the small elflings who where almost in tears at the fact that their fathers where so mad at them.

"Well, Haldir and I where in line in front of Frodo. Then, Sauron came and budded. Then he tried to hit Haldir, so I jumped in front of Haldir to protect him. Sauron slapped me instead, and then he pushed me. I fell on top of Haldir, who fell on Frodo, which made Frodo hurt himself. It was not our faults." Legolas said.

"No, then it is not your fault Greenleaf. No, you where just there. **HALDIR** is who pushed Frodo. I am sorry Thranduil; you have no reason to be here. Legolas, you are excused and may go to lunch, as are you Thranduil. But you Haldir, we must discus your punishment. I don't want to suspend you Haldir, but I may have to give you an at school suspension since you are the cause that Frodo is getting stitches." Elendil said.

Haldir had tears down his face. Arhael's mouth hung open in shock. Legolas did not move at all, and Thranduil was down right pissed off by now: he had come to school for NO reason and now little Haldir was in trouble when really it was Sauron's fault.

"It is NOT the elfling's fault, Elendil. I may not work at this school, but from the story my son has said I believe that this young elfling is not the reason that the hobbit is getting stitches. It truly is Sauron's fault. The poor elfling is being bullied and instead of trying to help the poor kid, you are suspending him! That is a shame, I will NOT have my son, the PRINCE and one of my heirs go to such a school, and I doubt Haldir's father would like Haldir going to such a school!" Thranduil snapped, grabbing his little son by his wrist. "I have four children and Legolas is the youngest. My two eldest sons have finished school and went to this school all their life. My daughter is still being schooled here, and Legolas has just started. NEVER has any of my children been treated this way - save the time Cield set a chicken on fire - but ever since principal Tolkien retired this school has changed - for worse. I cannot fix what you are about to do to young Haldir, nor am I going to change Legolas or Illiendal's school, but still, I may just have to if you do not fix this school up..." Thranduil said fiercely. "Come on Legolas, I'll lead you to the cafeteria." Thranduil took Legolas' wrist gently and brought him to the cafeteria.

"Well... we can pretend this never involved Haldir or Legolas. Haldir, you may return to the cafeteria. Arhael, you may return home." Elendil said softly.

_To be continued..._

_Tomorrow school starts for poor me. First time at high school, so I honestly do not know when I will be back on. Since tomorrow is the day I'd normally update, I'm updating today incase I cannot update tomorrow, and I have a day off on the first so I may be online then._


	8. Principal Glorfindel

**Chapter 8: Principal Glorfindel**

Haldir saw Legolas in the lunch line so ran to catch up with him, and the two both bought salads and cup cakes. They sat next to each other in between Frodo and Pippin.

"Could I have the icing off your cupcake?" Pippin asked Legolas, who shook his head.

"No."

"Haldir, can I have some of the icing off your muffin?"

"No."

Pippin sighed.

"The popcorn just was not enough!" Pippin grumbled sadly and Legolas took out of his lunch box a juice box of Fruit Punch. Even Haldir got a Kool Aid.

"Legolas, how many juice boxes do you have in there?"

"I have two kool aid juices left and five grape juice boxes."

"Can I please have a Kool Aid?" Pippin asked.

"Yes." Legolas handed a Kool Aid to Pippin.

"Can I have a grape juice box?" Sam asked politely.

"Yes."

Legolas gave Sam a juice. Frodo, who just got back from Saint Tolkien's Hospital with stitches, came up to Legolas.

"Can I have a kool aid?"

"Yes."

Then, Merry came up to Legolas.

"Can I have a grape juice?"

"Yes."

Then Melkor came up to Legolas.

"You better give me all you food and lunch money, elfling, or else you may just end up at Saint Tolkien's Hospital next." Melkor said sharply, Legolas pulling out of his pocket a one hundred dollar bill and all of his juice boxes.

"Here you g-

Thranduil put a hand on Melkor's shoulder and frowned.

"Do you have any money for lunch young sir?"

"Yes, and this little elfling has my lunch money!" Melkor snapped, not ever looking at Thranduil, so poor Melkor had no idea that it was the elfling's father that was speaking with him.

"Perhaps you'd like to look at me and answer me again?" Thranduil said, frowning, as Melkor did not turn. Thranduil turned Melkor and Melkor gasped when he saw the elven king glaring at him.

"I'm sorry sir-

"It better, and I mean this, not happen again."

"It won't happen again sir, I promise!"

Melkor ran back to his table and ate his lunch in silence.

"Legolas, never give your lunch money to other people. Perhaps next time I wont give you so much money."

"Okay ada, here's the left over money." Legolas handed Thranduil the one hundred dollar bill.

"Thank you Legolas. I'm going home now." Thranduil kissed Legolas on his cheek and turned to leave when he noticed little Pippin clutching his grumbling stomach.

"Little hobbit, are you hungry?"

"Yes. Very."

"Here, go buy something to eat." Thranduil gave Pippin the one hundred dollar bill.

"Thanks sir!" Pippin grabbed the bill without hesitating and ran to the line.

"I'd like an apple, three pieces of pie, two slices of pizza, three cheeseburgers, half of a cake, a cup of coffee, two salads, some kool-aid, lemonade, a cup cake, some oreos, an ice cream sandwich, a salami sandwich, a ham sandwich, a cheese sandwich, a pizza wrap, a meatball submarine sandwich from subway, two crackers, chicken soup (extra large), thirty chocolate chip cookies and another bag of pop corn please, your _best _popcorn. And yes, I CAN pay for it all! Here's one hundred dollars."

Thranduil smiled and left, and just after he left Pippin learnt the sad truth that the school does not accept one hundred dollar bills.

The bell rang meaning lunch was over. Pippin kept the money since he planned to use it at McDonald's (not knowing that they do not accept one hundred dollar bills). All the children ran back to Gandalf's class.

"Welcome back children. Now, I believe you all want to know what we will be doing now?"

"Yes!" Everyone except Boromir (who was back from his detention) said.

"I hate this class," Boromir muttered. "We never do anything fun."

"Well, because this is the first day, every class is having an activity after noon. The activity we will be doing until school ends at 2 pm is Eagle flying! The eagles we will be riding are waiting for us on the school roof. And at the very end of the day all students will be coming up to the roof and I will be setting off fireworks in honor of the first school day! And since you are all in my class, you get front row seats!" Gandalf smiled, and Boromir's eyes widened in joy.

The intercom went on.

"Could all teachers please pass out the letter for parents that I have just had written and then go to their activities please? Thank you. Janitor Gollum please come to the front office, Janitor Gollum." Elendil's voice said from the intercom.

"Here are the papers..." Gandalf said. Faramir, who was very good at reading read the letter in his head.

_Dear Parents,_

_I have decided to fire my son, principal Isildur. I find it will make the school a better place. We have chosen Glorfindel to replace Isildur, and Lindir will be replacing Glorfindel in music, since Lindir IS a minstrel of music and his name is 'singer'._

_We, the school staff, hope this will make the school a better place. I will still be the secretary. _

_--ISILDUR_

Secretary of Middle of Middle Earth School 

"So Glorfindel's our new principal?" Faramir asked.

"Yes Faramir. Now children, line up, we must go see the eagles now or else we will be late!" Gandalf smiled as all the children ran in line happily and followed their teacher up the many steps to the top of the building.

_To be continued..._

School was great, and I hope having Glorfindel as the principal will make their school great. Now, it's time for the response to reviews.

**Jamie Leigh: Well... I think my school may be different than yours, because it's been two days since school started and I have been on the computer for two days.**

**That Undomiel Chick: Well, my school may have ending before yours, or I have more days off during the year than yours, or maybe it's just different for people in other parts of the world (I expect you live in the United Kingdom or in the United States, since I believe all/most of my readers live in those lands). Yep, setting chickens on fire is a Cield thing.**

**Laer4572: Thanks.**

**Spaztic Arwen: Same thing as a said to Undomiel (above) about school.**

**Kathysidle: That would have been good to have written... **

**InterstellarHobbit: Well, I go on the computer too much, and I have A LOT to do when I am on the computer.**

**SouthernGirl4615: Yay.**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Abandon this one _too_? What do you mean by that 'too'?**

_**I am looking for suggestions!!!**_


	9. Eagle rides to the Sun

**Chapter 9: Eagle rides to the sun**

"Come on children, don't be shy! They will not bite... Well, they may bite... But, choose an eagle anyhow! At least you little ones don't have the activity the seventh graders are doing: Riding Oliphants! Those _do_ bite if you forget to give then peanuts. Now, before you go close to an eagle, make sure you are nor carrying seeds or seed bread, or worms." Gandalf said.

Grima grumbled as he took out the worms from his socks. "Don't worry Grima junior, I'll come back for you after I ride the big birds."

Merry sadly gave his seed bread to Gandalf.

"Damn it! My coat is MADE with seeds!" Eomer sadly abandoned his seed jacket, which soon after was eaten by the littlest eagle.

"Also, these eagles have a love to eat Herbal Essence shampoo. Please DISCARD all shampoos you carry, because the shampoo tends to make the eagles dizzy." Gandalf watched as all the elflings abandoned their shampoo. Except Elladan, who instead was fighting with one of the eagles for the last sunflower seed on Eomer's jacket.

"Now, all of you, select an eagle! Hobbits, you can all fit on one eagle!"

All the hobbits (Merry, Pippin, Frodo and Sam being the only hobbits) ran to the biggest eagle. "This is our eagle!" Pippin shouted as Sam crossed his arms across his chest.

Legolas took the smallest eagle, which was not too much bigger than Thranduil.

Haldir took an eagle that had yellow feathers like Big Bird.

Figwit chose the sneezing Eagle.

Aragorn chose an eagle that was big enough for two, so he and Arwen rode on it.

Boromir chose the scruffy looking eagle. They became good friends.

Gandalf told Elladan and Elrohir that two of the eagles were twins, so each of the elven twins took an eagle twin.

When everyone was beside an eagle, the lord of the eagles flew down beside Gandalf.

"Pretty birdie!" Eowyn clapped her hands.

"Yes, yes, this eagle is very pretty," Gandalf smiled. "And to get on to your pretty eagle just ask your eagle for a ride nicely. If they like the way you ask you will be able to get on. Don't be violent or they WILL fly away." Gandalf said.

"Can I please ride you, Mister Eagle sir?" Legolas asked. His eagle lowered himself low enough for Legolas to hop on.

"Can we all ride you, nice Eagle?" All the hobbits asked. The eagle lowered herself low enough for Merry, Pippin and Frodo to get on, but when Sam was about to get on, the eagle took off (being afraid that Sam would be so heavy that he would not be able to fly).

"This is fun!" Pippin shouted, looking as his classmates and Gandalf became smaller and smaller.

"Come back!" Gandalf shouted.

"I think we forgot Sam." Frodo said, now not able to see his classmates or Gandalf.

"Hey Merry, what's that big red thing over there?" Pippin asked.

"You mean that fiery planet?" Merry asked.

"Maybe it's a giant grill!" Frodo said.

"I feel like I'm a baked potato." Pippin sighed, unbuttoning his shirt as they got closer to the big red planet.

"Wait! I brought some books about planets with me! I'll look up this big red thing." Frodo smiled, opening his Planet Atlas.

"Hurry Frodo, I think I'm melting." Pippin removed his shirt and suspenders.

"Pip's right, it's really hot." Merry said, unbuttoning his shirt as Pippin let his scarf fall.

"Oh, here it is. But, it's not a planet. It says it's called the sun. It says that it will burn you."

"I always wanted to be tanned."

"It says... Wow! I think no one in the world has ever come this close to the sun before! I think they all burned up! Cool!" Frodo said. Merry look a jar out from his pocket.

"I want to keep some sun. It would make a good lamp." Merry said, as the eagle got close enough to the sun for Merry to capture some sun in his jar. But the jar melted.

"Aww..." Merry sadly said.

"Come back here you stupid Eagle!" Gandalf shouted as he approached the hobbits' eagle with his own eagle. Gandalf took the three hobbits off the eagle and onto his, and they flew back down to the top of the school.

"Because of THAT, there I no time for any more flying, perhaps next Monday, if there is the time. For now, we have just enough time to go to the auditions for principal Glorfindel's school play. Come children."

All the sad children followed Gandalf to the theatre were Glorfindel and a mortal named Simon were holding the auditions. And Pippin was indeed tan!

_To be continued..._

_I hope you all liked the hobbits' trip to the sun. If you found it stupid, well sorry, but we have geography every day so now you get to suffer too!_

**Laer4572: Yes, I like that idea... As you can see, they are off to the school play as I type!**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: I love my little Pippin, but some days I have to starve... It's for a good cause: Your entertainment!**

**Kathysidle: I want to make him a dumb blonde (and I will have to apologize to him for doing so) but I need suggestions on what he should do as a dumb blonde... Any suggestions? Come on, you've all heard at least one dumb blonde joke!**

**Draco's Daughter: Wrong message? I don't get what you mean. School is evil, I know. But my school can be fun sometimes...**

**Bberry06: Oh, thank you. Yes, apple picking field trip is very popular in the younger grades, reading The Hobbit at story time is fun, we do have a music program, I cant remember if there is an art class but if not I can work it into the schedule, we all could use gym (especially Sam), Gandalf is having a spelling lesson and just wait until you see what Denethor wants the kids to spell, if you go to chapter one all the school subjects the elflings will have during a usual week is listed on their schedule and of course snack time is of course needed! **

**Jamie Leigh: Yes that does make a difference... I go to a public school on a busy street. **

**Mistopurr: Thranduil is a good king. I feel sorry for Pippin, since I love him so much. But ever since summer started I've started to love Thranduil, Haldir and Elladan also, so now it's a big fight over who I really want. And a teacher at my school looks like Figwit/how I think Elladan would look... I still don't even know what he does at my school though, so I say he's just a wandering, lost, hopeless elf.**

**_Other_ Mistopurr review: Ring? Sauron? No, that would never happen! Never would Sauron make a ring! Why would he want to do that! Why, Sauron is a good boy and would buy a ring at Wall Mart! I cannot imagine Sauron looking like a kitchen appliance in Mordor, making a fiery ring in Mount Doom and trying to take over the world with it! **

**That's more of a Sam thing.**

**Interstellar Hobbit: Yes, your right. It should say Elendil. Hmm, can I change that to 'Erestor', since now that Glorfindel is principal and Erestor works at the school, Glorfindel can finally get back at Erestor for being chased around with a frying pan!**

**SouthernGirl4615: No hard time!**

**Starlit Jewel: Next Gandalf class, when the eagles return. Or maybe in Denethor's class... who knows.**

**Lomiothiel: I like reviews. Big reviews.**

**Bberry06: Yes! I hate those things! Of course I can put those in! Make them suffer with evil open houses and conferences! **


	10. Snow Elf and the Seven Dwarves

**Chapter 10: Snow Elf and the seven dwarves**

"Hello children, I am your new principal, Glorfindel."

"Can we call you Glorfy?"

"No. Now, as you can see we will be doing a play. To get a role, you have to be very good, and Simon will be judging with me. Now, the play we will be doing is-

"Charlie and the hobbit factory?" Sam asked.

"No it's-

"Harry Hobbit and the chamber of secret elves?" Gimli asked.

"No it's-

"When you give a dwarf a cookie?" Figwit asked.

"No it's-

"Wizard Wars?"

"No..."

"Wizard Wars _clone wars_?"

"No..."

"The hobbit?"

"Nope."

"Humpty Hobbit sat on a wall?"

'Nope."

"Sleeping Elfling?"

"Nope."

"Erestor's new clothes?"

"No, but I would really enjoy that play."

"The steward's new groove?"

"No."

"We give up." Elladan sighed.

"It's..." Glorfindel pulled back the curtains of the stage to reviel a sign that stated:

**Snow Elf and the seven (7) dwarves**  
**AUDITIONS  
**_Featuring Simon the mortal._

"Not dwarves!" Legolas and all the elflings gasped.

"Yes, dwarves! Now, you all get a chance to audition. Arwen you get to try out first. You can try out for... Well, I suppose Snow Elf, or Snow Elf's jealous stepmother the queen." Glorfindel said.

"I guess I'll try to be Snow Elf."

"Okay. Go when ready."

"I'll get you my pretties!" Arwen giggled.

"Well... um..." Glorfindel looked though his scripts and found no line containing what Arwen said.

"That was a good try Arwen." Glorfindel smiled, but Simon did not seem to agree.

"Good? You're an idiotic blonde! That was awful, truly amateur! But she would make a good wicked, jealous stepmother." Simon said.

"Okay, Arwen, you are the stepmother! Next!" Glorfindel said.

* * *

An hour later school was over and so were the auditions. The cast was:

Extras: Merry, Frodo, Melkor, Eomer  
Sleepy - Figwit 

**Sneezy - Aragorn**

**Dopey - Pippin**

**Doc - Haldir**

**Bashful - Feanor**

**Grumpy - Boromir**

**Happy - Eowyn**

**The Queen - Arwen**

**The Apple - Sam**

**Prince Charming- Legolas**

And the biggest surprise was...

**Snow Elf - Gimli**

Legolas was looking over his script when he noticed the part of prince charming kissing Snow Elf. But Legolas did not know that Gimli was Snow Elf so Legolas did not mind and instead hoped he would be kissing a pretty elf like Arwen. Or Gandalf.

"Children! Time to get to your school bus! Hurry now!"

Gandalf watched as all the children ran to the buses.

_To be continued..._

_Ah yes, Snow Elf and the seven dwarves! An elven classic! And soon expect a school evacuation - this is NOT a drill children!_

_TODAY I AM LOOKING FOR SUGGESTIONS FOR: MAKING GLORFINDEL A DUMB BLONDE._

**InterstellarHobbit: I'm glad you liked the eagle ride to the sun. Continue writing? Okay.**

**Cao, the Cheez-it Queen: New reviewer? That's good. It sounds like you've read the original Haldir's here... Have you? If you have, I do love it when folks review... especially chapter 100, because I only got three reviews for that chapter! That's pathetic. **

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Yes, the poor hobbits almost became roast hobbits (which would have made a great meal for Sam), but Pippin almost stripped himself. If he were a little older than that would have been a sight to see. But he's only a grade one student, so no one cares.**

**Ms. Unknown: Another new reviewer! That's the second one this chapter, great! Here's an update.**

**Laer4572: I'm not Greek, so I don't know.**

**Southerngirl4615: Here are the auditions... It's not much, I know... But at least I wrote something.**

**Jamie Leigh: Well, he is 'based' on that Simon... I cant say that it is that Simon, because the stories have to be fiction. So this Simon can be... Simon Cow, who is a judge from Gondorian Idol, which is a television show many young children from Middle of Middle Earth School like to watch before bedtime at 8.**

**Bberry06: Hey, I saw your deviant art account. Geography will be during Denethor's class. Computer will be during Gandalf's class. Science I hope I can slip in sometime. Of course we will have visitors! I was thinking of bring your pet to school day... Poor, poor Glorfindel will have to say hello to a Balrog. I like 'show and tell' a lot, and of course your food fight idea will be useful during lunch hour!**

**Starlit jewel: Yes, but that's technically speaking. We don't technically speak here. We speak stupid here. We don't like big words like technically.**


	11. Home at last

**Chapter 11: Home at last**

There is only one school bus at the Middle of Middle Earth School. It has 100 seats and room for 200 children, plus it also has one seat for the bus driver, Thorin the dwarf. Thorin glared when elves walked into the bus.

Soon everyone had a seat, and Legolas was the last one onto the bus. Legolas, unlike everyone, did not have a seat. Legolas looked at the seat behind Thorin: Gimli was in it, and Gimli smelt bad. The seat across Gimli had all of Gimli's stuff in it. Legolas knew the rule was 'two per seat', but it seemed all the seats where filled. Sam was with Frodo, Elladan with Elrohir, Arwen with Estel, Merry with Pippin, Eowyn with Eomer, Faramir with Boromirâ But there was one person who was sitting alone, so Legolas decided to sit with him.

Melkor.

Silly Legolas may not have been thinking at the timeâ Melkor! But Legolas sat beside him. Melkor laughed, and Legolas simply looked up at him and smiled.

"Hi, I'm Legolas."

"I'm Melkor."

"That's a nice name. Are you elvish?"

Legolas was shoved out of the seat and onto the muddy floor of the bus.

"No one sits with me!" Melkor laughed as the elfling stood up and was sent flying into Merry and Pippin's seat as the bus did a sharp turn. Legolas sadly sat on the floor, having no wear else to sit.

But then, and only then, Legolas noticed an empty spot beside Haldir.

"Haldirâ can I sit with youâ please?" Legolas asked politely.

"Sure." Haldir scooted over to make room for Legolas.

"Thanks Haldir."

"Your welcome."

Legolas wiggled his feet a bit.

"I live in Mirkwood." Legolas said.

"I live in Lorien."

"My ada is the king."

"My ada is the March warden."

"Haldir?"

"Yes?"

"Will you be my friend?"

"Of course!" Haldir gave Legolas a friendly hug, and then Thorin called to Legolas.

"Hey! Stupid blonde elfling prince! Your stop."

Legolas waved goodbye to his new friend and ran out of the bus. Thranduil would usually be inside his study at this time of day, working on something Legolas did not understand, but today for the reason that it was Legolas' first day of school, Thranduil sat on the steps leading up to the palace doors, waiting for his young elfling.

"Ada!" Legolas shouted joyfully, running as fast as his small legs could.

"Careful Legolas you don't want to trip!" Thranduil smiled but quickly caught Legolas as he tripped over a small rock.

"Oops." Legolas giggled, jumping into his father's arms and kissing his father.

"So? How was school?"

"Great ada! I made a friend, too!"

"Oh really? Who is this new friend?"

"Haldir. He's from Lorien."

"And who is your teacher?"

"Gandalf!"

"Gandalf is a good wizard. I know he will be able to handle you." Thranduil smiled.

"And our principal is Glorfindel!" Legolas grinned happily.

"I am very glad about that." Thranduil kissed Legolas on his cheek.

"Go wash your hands and then come finish telling me about school, okay?"

"Okay Ada." Legolas ran to wash his hands, during that time his sister arrived home.

"I expect school went well for you, as usual?"

"Yes, of course it did. And Legolas made no difference. I am also very pleased that Glorfindel in charge, since having an elf in charge may finally do them some good!"

"And how is Sernaer? Does it bother him that you now have your little brother at school with you?"

"No, he does not mind at all. Legolas is very obedient with me and he leaves when I tell him too." Illiendal smiled, Thranduil kissing her on her cheek. Legolas returned with wet hands.

"Legolas, did you dry your hands?"

"Yes."

"On what?"

"The water."

"Legolas" Thranduil sighed. Legolas approached his father and dried his hands off on his father's robes. Thranduil sighed again and scooped Legolas into his arms.

"Now, you can go watch Gondorian Idol while Galion prepares supper. Then, during supper, we can speak about school."

"Okay! Hey Ada, we met Simon from Gondorian Idol today! He was at the auditions!"

"Auditions? You tell me all about them at supper."

Thranduil dropped Legolas off in the family room (where there was a television), and walked to the kitchen.

"Legolas, want help turning the television on?"

Legolas looked up (for he had been busy trying to figure out how the remote worked) and smiled happily.

"Cield! You came to visit!" Legolas ran to his elder brother and squeezed his leg (not being able to hug his tall brother around his waist).

"Legolas, I visit everyday!" Cield laughed. Cield, since having two children with Firelien, lived with Firelien and his children in a good-sized house that was a thirty-minute walk from the palace.

"Yes, but you usually come after lunch." Legolas pointed out.

"Yes, but today is special, because I am coming over with my wife and children, for Adar has invited us all for supper." Cield smiled, turning the television on and putting on 'The Wheel of Arda'.

"Oh look, Luthien is on the wheel of Arda! And there's the host, Ulmo!" Cield smiled, but Legolas pouted.

"Put on Gondorian Idol!"

"But I like this show."

"Gondorian Idol!"

Cield changed the channel to Gondorian Idol when Thranduil came in and glared at him. Thranduil sat between his two sons, and soon Cield's two children came into the family room.

Cield's children where twins, their names being Nenmir and Malfinniel. Nenmir was Cield's only son.

Nenmir and his sister sat on the floor in front of the sofa their father, grandfather and uncle sat on, and then Firelien wife of Cield entered the room.

"Stop bothering your brother Malfinniel." Firelien sighed.

"What have you been up to Finniel?" Cield asked, sitting up.

"Nothing"

Cield frowned.

"âExcept pinching Nenmir" Malfinniel muttered.

"Don't pinch him, alright Malfinniel?" Cield said. Malfinniel nodded her head and hugged her brother.

"Quiet! Gondorian Idol is starting!" Legolas hushed them all. Firelien came and sat on Cield's lap, and Tonus lay on the floor between Cield's children. Legolas cuddled up against his father and his eyes stayed glue to the television.

_To be continued_

Next is Gondorian Idolâ 

MamboDancer: My Pippin! Legolas does not want to kiss Gimli either, but Legolas does not realise that Gimli is Snow Elf!

**Kathysidle: It's okay to crack up sometimes.**

**Cao, the Cheez-it Queen: Not, you are being sane. We all know Arwen is evil**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: I like his bunny pajamas, so why not! Nakedâ Humâ I'd even be scared! But perhaps on his birthday Glorfindel will 'forget' his clothes. Or perhaps Erestor will steal his clothing because Glorfindel's clothes smell like cherries. **

**Moonyasha: Here is that update.**

**Silvereyedelven: Describe to me what hairbrush karaoke is.**

**The Furious Fates: I write in advanced sometimes when I get excited. I was excited. Do read Haldir's Here.**

**Starlit Jewel: Arwen is going to be kind of ugly (that way she will be scary even to Estel), I like Glorfindel too butâ Sometimes we need to insult even the finest characters if you want an amusing storyâ Have you ever watched 'American Idol'? Not saying that it's that Simonâ Actually, this Simon's name is Simon Cow of _Gondorian_ Idol. Animalsâ The extras will play them, and some of the eagles will dress up as dears and such. Yes Gimli is going to wear a pretty dress.**

**Lombadia Greenleaf: Glorfindel does not change peoples roles once they are given to people, but also we do not aim for being cute in this storyâ This story is all in the name of comedy since we save the cute fluff for Haldir's Here. Yes, Arwen will be carrying (or rolling) Sam the apple, and Gimli shall be taking a bite out of Sam's costume (latexâ yummy)! Jedi Monkey gratefully eats the Krispy Kream and licks his hairy fingers. Jedi Monkey is so happy he tells his father. So Jedi Monkey brings you his father happily. Jedi Monkey asks you to say hello to his father, Jedi Anakin monkey, or as his friends call him, Darth Vader Monkey. **

**Laer4572: I like that idea**


	12. Gondorian Idol

Chapter 12: Gondorian Idol 

Legolas' eyes stayed glued to the television as Gondorian idol started.

"I really don't understand how Legolas can stand watching people sing horribly and listen to Simon Cow, Paul Abdully and Randy Jack laugh at them." Cield said, and then Thranduil elbowed him.

"Don't say that, this is Legolas' favourite show." Thranduil snapped quietly in Cield's ear.

"Sorry but-

"No. Don't make another rude comment." Thranduil snapped, then all the men in the room turned to the television as a pretty she-elf was trying out for gondorian idol.

"She's one good looking she-elf... I'd-

"Cield!" Firelien slapped Cield and Nenmir looked up at his red-faced father.

"I thought it was bad to hit." Nenmir said, looking at his parents, being very confused.

"Your nana had a reason to hit me."

"Why?"

"You'll understand one day."

"When?"

"Soon."

"How long is soon?"

"Some thousand years."

"I cant wait that long!"

"Okay, I will tell you now."

Cield bent forwards and whispered something in Nenmir's ear. Nenmir still looked confused.

"Nana, ada said that you hit him because the purple pandas are forming an alliance with the purple chickens. Is that true?"

"Yes." Firelien shrugged.

"Okay." Nenmir turned around to see the television as they where announcing the name of the pretty she-elf.

"Very nice singing Luthien." Paul clapped her hands (yes, Paul is a girl).

"Beren is very lucky to have a wife with such a nice voice!" Randy Jack smiled.

"I hate it. You did not do enough hand gestures and your face looked sad. You clearly forgot to put on deodorant, your lipstick is smudged and your eyeliner is smeared. You sounded way to nervous, and the gothic look is just too much!"

"I'm wearing grey! And my hair is naturally black!"

"No, it's black. Ad the lipstick is too dark red. You're horrible. Go away!"

Simon shooed Luthien away.

"Oh, there goes Luthien." Legolas smiled sadly.

"Next is lord Glorfindel." Randy Jack told Simon Cow.

"Oh goodie. Someone who thinks he's is a lord. This guy will be easy to pick on." Simon grinned evilly.

A naked Glorfindel entered the room. Luckily for the folk who where watching at home (such as Legolas and his family) they had blurred out certain areas of Glorfindel that would have made the show R rated.

"Where are your clothes?" Randy Jack asked suddenly.

"I did not like the choices they had in my dressing room. Everyone knows that yellow is so age one," Glorfindel pointed out. "And since they refused to let me wear my blue robes I decided to wear nothing at all." Glorfindel finished. Glorfindel sang 'In da club' by 50 Mithril. Simon liked him despite his wardrobe malfunction, but Randy Jack and Paul Abdully did not so Glorfindel had to go back to teaching.

"Supper is ready." Thranduil said. "Besides, we have seen enough Glorfindel for one night."

"That is very true." Cield said, standing up and grabbing both his elflings.

"Come on you two, let's go eat." Cield smiled. Legolas sat on the floor until his father turned the television off and Thranduil scooped him up off the floor.

"You are also going to eat, even if you eat like a little slug."

"I like slugs. They're squishy and slimy."

"Yes, I do remember you coming home covered in very squishy slugs that decided to go on me." Thranduil shuddered.

Thranduil gently dropped Legolas on his chair.

-----------In a little hobbit's hole

"Hi dad, I'm home!" Pippin screeched as he ran into his small cozy hobbit hole.

"Hello Peregrin." Paladin opened his arms to embrace his son, who crashed into his and knocked him over in excitement.

"Careful Pippin!" Paladin picked the young hobbit up and carried him to a sink, where Pippin washed his small hands.

"What?" Pippin asked his father since Paladin's eyes where fixed on his son.

"Well I am waiting for you to tell me all about your day!" Paladin smiled, taking his son's hand and bringing him to his bedroom, where Pippin sat on his father's lap to tell him about his day.

"I had fun," Pippin said proudly. "And Merry was there."

"What a surprise..." Paladin muttered.

"It was a surprise!" Pippin giggled.

"Was Sam and cousin Frodo there?"

"Yes. Sam gained weight over the summer!"

"Oh really? How heavy is he now?"

"I believe he's hit 200 pounds!" Pippin smiled.

"200 pounds! When I was his age I was a mere 100 pounds! His parents must be proud to have such a fine, plump little hobbit boy."

"I'm not plump. Do you still love me?" Pippin asked, looking up at his father with watery eyes.

"Of course I still love you! However, where does your food go? You eat enough for a hole of hobbits and yet you never seem to gain a pound! How heavy are you anyways Pippin?"

"39 pounds. Mommy says I'll be 40 pounds soon enough." Pippin grinned.

"Still, it's strange how skinny you are for a hobbit!"

"I'm not as skinny as Legolas. He looks like he's not been fed his second breakfast or his afternoon tea!"

"Well, that's elves for you. They watch their weight, drink Slim fast and they model in bikinis in magazines."

"Glorfindel modeled in a bikini once. Erestor told me so." Pippin smiled.

Paladin gave no reply.

"Daddy I'm hungry, very hungry. Will we be having mushrooms tonight?"

"No, I believe your mother has prepared you some macaroni and cheese. Why don't we go see if the food is ready?" Paladin asked.

"Yes! Yes! Yes!"

Pippin ran to the dinner table where there was some rabbit for Paladin and Eglantine (Pippin's mother), chicken nuggets for Pearl, Pervinca and Pimpernel (them being Pippin's sisters), easy-to-make-in-five-minutes macaroni and cheese (with mushrooms in it to the delight of Pippin) and of course there was also a hamburger from Mc Moria for Herman the hobo. Pippin took his seat, which was in between Herman the hobo and Paladin.

Pippin had thirteen servings of macaroni and cheese, all the times with mushrooms.

_To be continued_...

Mambo Dancer: It's fun to make people laugh, especially people that are lord of the rings dorks like me. I like lord of the rings dorks, so remember everyone: being called a lord of the rings dork is one big compliment, unless you're an anti-lord of the rings dork, because that is bad.

Moonyasha: Oi, poor Legolas does get that honour. I can send him to you. Look for the thing covered in stamps, I don't know how many is required to send an elf to you so I'll just stamp-coat him.

Kathysidle: I love Cield, so he had to visit.

Invader 101: Then go read 115 chapters of Haldir's here. How fun!

InterstellarHobbit: I like padded walls. The people in the white suits said that they are there for my protection. I like the people in the white suits. They gave me a white suit. They keep in a soft padded room that's white. The white suited people give me lollipops when I'm good. The white suited people do not approve of this crazy story. The white suited people take he to the padded room every day. They call the place with the white padded room the 'institution'. Some days they let me have visitors, like Legolas. The people in the white suits cant see Legolas, but I can. They think I'm crazy. They think I need to move into the institute, but if I did they wont let me bring Legolas.

Haldir's Heart and Soul: Erestor, you are loved. I am going to go give Erestor a hug...

Starlit jewel: I like big deer. If Gimli is hungry he can eat the leg, which would last him a few years.

Ms.Unknown: You mean your story?

Southerngirl4615: Well, they can gang up on him after Haldir gets beat up... But, they can probably beat him up in the sequel (I like sequels), although Haldir will first have to punch I cant tell you who in the face... Poor I cant tell you who.

Lombadia Greenleaf: Darth Vader Monkey wants to know if this chocolate contains milk. Darth Vader monkey is lactose intolerant.

Laer4572: Cield was surprised too. He thought only one was suppose to come out. But Cield secretly favours his son. But it's not his fault; after all he's not the greatest father on earth... yet. But just wait until you hear what Cield has to say in the next chapter!


	13. Goodnight

**Chapter 13: Goodnight**

"So Legolas, now that we eat, tell me about your day." Thranduil said, eyeing the small elfling carefully.

"Yes, do tell us all Legolas. It's been many years since I was expelled from Middle of Middle Earth School, so I expect much has changed." Cield smiled.

"Cield, please do not remind me of how much I spent on hiring you a private tutor after you where expelled."

Cield shrugged. "I actually preferred having the tutor. The school was terrible to begin with."

"So is that the reason that you burnt the school down?" Thranduil snapped.

"I told you that was an accident!"

Thranduil laughed at this.

"Setting the school on fire does not happen by accident!" Thranduil said sharply. Firelien did not like how this was turning out and poor Legolas did not get a chance to talk.

"Please could you both stop bickering?" Firelien asked. Thranduil stopped but Cield did not.

"See Adar? My lovely wife does not believe you either. It was an accident." Cield stuck out his tongue, and that upset Thranduil.

"Cield!" Thranduil slapped Cield across his face. Cield backed away from Thranduil as his face reddened. His two children giggled and clapped.

"Nenmir, Malfinniel, Daro." Firelien shook her head at the elflings and they quieted down.

"NOW can I talk?" Legolas asked sadly, looking up at his father, then at Cield who's face was turning redder and redder.

"Yes Legolas, tell us about your day. You can ignore any foolish comments your brother Cield may have."

"Okay. Well today I had lots of fun. We have a -

Illiendal entered the room in a hurry.

"I'm sorry that I am late for supper Adar." Illiendal said quickly. Thranduil arched an eyebrow.

"Why are you late?"

"I was with Sernaer... He invited me on a walk and I just got back now." Illiendal remained standing, and looked over at Cield who had two fingers in his mouth.

"What's the matter with you Cield?" Illiendal asked as Cield pulled something out of his mouth.

"Well it appears that when Adar slapped me just a few minutes ago he knocked out a tooth of mine." Cield held up one of his back teeth that he had just fished out of his mouth. It was blood covered, and it disgusted his children. Thranduil bit his lip as blood trickled down Cield's chin.

"Go wash up Cield." Thranduil ordered.

"And what of me Adar? Can I please join you for supper?" Illiendal asked.

"You may, but you can also wash the dishes for the next week as punishment for being late." Thranduil said. Illiendal knew her father's temper and made no comment as she sat beside her father in the place of Cield. Cield returned later cleaned and pulled up a seat to sit beside Firelien with.

"Now can I please say how my day was?" Legolas asked, looking at his father pleadingly.

"Yes."

"...We have a spelling test in elvish, and tomorrow is English with Denethor. After English we have Celeborn for math, after math it's arts with Galadriel and on Friday it's Lindir in music," Legolas smiled. "And today, I helped Haldir. Haldir got covered in mud so I gave him a change of clothes. Haldir is my friend now." Legolas said proudly.

"Good for you Legolas." Thranduil smiled.

Legolas finished eating and gave his sister the plates. Illiendal washed the dishes wile Thranduil brought Legolas to bed.

"Good night my beautiful elfling." Thranduil said softly, kissing Legolas on his brow.

"Goodnight ada." Legolas said, kissing his father on his cheek. Thranduil turned on Legolas' nightlight and shut the drapes.

"I love you." Thranduil smiled at his son.

"I love you too ada." Legolas yawned as he slowly began to fall into an elvish sleep.

"Sweet dreams little one." Thranduil whispered as he shut the door and returned to the family room. Firelien and Cield where cuddled up on the couch, Illiendal still scrubbed dishes, Cield's children where asleep on the carpet and Tonus sat on a 'Lazy Boy' chair, asleep.

Thranduil sat beside his son and Firelien on the couch and looked sadly at Cield.

"I am so sorry I knocked your tooth out ion-nin. That was horrible of me. I think I should take you to a dentist and see how much it would cost to get an artificial tooth for you," Thranduil said. "I will pay for it, seeing that it is all my fault."

"Thank you Adar, I would like that very much." Cield smiled, which revealed the space where the tooth was missing.

They all watched the television for a small while (since 'Who wants to marry a hobbit Midget' was on), and then Cield spoke up.

"Adar?"

"Hmm?"

"Firelien and I have been thinking, and we believe that we want another little elfling." Cield smiled. Tonus suddenly woke up and Thranduil's eyes widened.

"I do not know if that is wise..." Thranduil began.

"I love little Nenmir and Malfinniel to pieces Adar. To pieces! I want another little baby now. Three is not that many... Adar, you have four children!"

"Four children are a lot for an elf, Cield. So are three. I cannot control you or Firelien, but I ask that you wait until you have experienced more." Thranduil said, Cield looking quite puzzled.

"Experience more what? Adar, my children are now four. I have experience with them as infants and toddlers. Now they are children, and tis not long now until they will be gone and able to care for themselves. I also have experience in bed, if that is what concerns you." Cield smiled proudly. "And that is something Tonus cannot say."

Tonus frowned. "I'm proud to not be able to say that. You where drunk when you-

"There is children sleeping in this room, if you two have not realized it, and they may wake up any moment now, so you two ought to keep your mouths shut." Firelien said.

"All I'm saying Cield, is that I believe you should wait a while. You do not know what it's like to deal with teenagers. I have, but you have yet to find out. I think you should wait and see how difficult it is." Cield sighed at his father's words.

"You are right, ada," Cield shrugged. "But I do wish for another elfling one day."

"Two is enough, I believe." Tonus said.

"Two what?" Nenmir asked as he awoke and jumped onto his father's lap.

"Two elflings. You and Malfinniel."

"Oh." Nenmir yawned.

"You're tired, aren't you?"

"Yes."

"Why don't you four stay here tonight? I have not changed your room at all, so you and Firelien may sleep in your old bed. Nenmir and Malfinniel can share a bed in one of the guest bedrooms, if they would like that." Thranduil offered.

"I miss very much living here. I left home too fast," Cield sighed. "Firelien, would you mind sleeping in my old bed with me?" Cield asked.

"I would not mind. Your bed here is probably nicer than the one at home." Firelien shrugged.

"And what about you Nenmir? Do you mind if you sleep with Malfinniel in one of the guest beds?"

"I don't want to sleep in a guest bed. I want to sleep with you and nana." Nenmir crossed his arms.

"Nenmir, my old bed is not big enough to fit us all." Cield sighed. Nenmir looked at his grandfather.

"Can I sleep with you, please?" Nenmir asked Thranduil eagerly.

"Of course! I would love to have your company tonight, Nenmir Cieldion."

"Yay!"

Cield carried Malfinniel onto Thranduil's bed and Nenmir followed. Nenmir hoped into bed between Thranduil and his sister, and as soon as Thranduil was changed and in bed Nenmir snuggled close to his grandfather, holding onto his grandfather tightly.

"Goodnight grandpa." Nenmir whispered.

"Goodnight Nenmir." Thranduil said softy.

"Goodnight Nenmir, sleep well." Both Cield and Firelien whispered, kissing Nenmir.

"Love you nana. Love you ada." Nenmir said quietly.

"We love you too ion-nin." Cield whispered to Nenmir.

Cield and Firelien went to Cield's old room, which still looked like it did when Cield had no children and had never spoken to Firelien. Cield chose to sleep in his shirt, so removed his tunic and leggings. Cield gave his wife one of his old night tunics to sleep in.

"You o not mind sleeping in my old night tunic, do you Firelien? I have outgrown it and it should fit."

"I am fine with sleeping in your old night tunic. It is quite soft." Firelien kissed Cield on his cheek happily.

"Goodnight Firelien." Cield said smiling brightly as he usually did as he slid into bed, Firelien doing the same. Firelien cuddled close up to Cield, clutching onto his soft under shirt and kissed his neck.

"Good night Cield, Len melin herven-nin I love you my husband." Firelien whispered quietly, smiling at Cield who looked down at her with his soft blue eyes as she fell asleep on his chest. Cield fell asleep soon after.

**-----In a little hobbit's hole**

"And so, little red riding dwarf lived happily ever after and always brought his granny her six meals. The end." Paladin smiled at Pippin, who had fallen asleep near the beginning of the story.

**-----In the home of a steward**

"Good night Faramir." Denethor pat Faramir on his head.

"Dad?"

Denethor continued to leave Faramir's room.

"DAD!"

Denethor did not notice his son calling him."

"Denethor!"

Denethor turned around. "Yes Faramir?"

"How come Boromir gets to stay up late and watch the late night show with Jay Lemon? And why do I only get pats on my head but Boromir gets kisses?"

"Because he is older. And more special than you."

"Oh. Goodnight dad."

"Who is dad?" Denethor asked.

Faramir sighed and fell asleep.

To be continued... 

_This story is so much fun to write. _

**Laer4572: Yes, Pippin is the sweetest little hobbit of them all.**

**Moonyasha: I ran out of stamps and he cried when I stuck a stamp in his eye. So I decided I'd just make Thranduil bring him to you. Thranduil might get lost in Iraq though, so it could take up to one elvish year for delivery. **

**Lombadia Greenleaf: Darth Monkey happily accepts the chocolate. Darth Monkey gives Badiddledoo a light saber. It's red and shiny.**

**Bberry06: Here's more.**

**Starlit jewel: Starlit jewel: Yes, it is rated PG. I was considering raising the rating to PG 13, what do you think?**

**Kathysidle: I added a bit of Cield here, as you can see. I really like Cield so I will probably be writing a story focused on him.**

**Southerngirl4615: What a calm review. Usually when people review my stories they go crazy! But, I also love young fellowship!**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Did you know that 'woohoo' is actually what they call... um... 'Playing in bed with opposite gender' in the Sims 2? Well all my Sims wants woohoo with Glorfindel so you used the term woohoo very well. You earned a cookie.**


	14. Good morning

**Chapter 14: Good morning**

* * *

"Legolas, wake up."

"Legolas..."

"Get up you stupid elfling."

"Cield!"

"Sorry ada. Get up Legolas."

"Legolas too tired. Legolas sleep longer." Legolas murmured, grabbing his pillow and covering his face with it.

"Sweetheart, you go to school now. You will be getting up early now for every day of the week." Thranduil said softly. Tonus and Cield stood behind their father.

"No!" Legolas gasped.

"Yes," Cield sniggered. "And you're only in the first grade. You still have to pass sixth grade and then you have to go through secondary 1, 2, 3, 4 and five. Then you get college and university if you really want to be a smart elf."

"Ada, I don't want to go to school anymore."

"All children have to go to school Legolas, and you being prince does not change a thing."

Legolas sadly got out of bed and joined his family at the breakfast table. But at a certain little hobbit's hole, a little hobbit child was already up at seemed to have forgotten to take his pills.

---At a certain hobbit's hole

"Come on dad! Come on dad! Come on dad! Lets go! Lets go! Lets go! I want to go to school, eh! I'm ready! I'm ready! Let's go! Let's go! Come on! You're slow! I can't wait to see Merry! I love Merry! Is Merry a girl? Merry is a girly name! I'm so happy! I'm so happy!" Pippin sang. His mother was very mad with his father.

"This, Paladin, is why we do not give Peregrin chocolate milk in the morning." Eglantine sighed.

---In a hole in the ground

"The sun is rising! I hate the sun! Maybe if I'm fast enough, I can get to school before the sun burns my eyes!" Grima muttered, pulling himself out of his muddy hole in the ground, which he called home.

"I really hope Saruman will buy me some carpeting for Christmas this year. The worms have been eating my shoes and now they are picking at my toenails... Perhaps Saruman might just get me some wallpaper for my hole - or better yet, a box! Oh I would love to live in a box, just like the hobos you see downtown!" Grima thought hopefully, looking at a couple of birds on a dead tree log that lay near his hole.

"Do you two think I'll get a box for Christmas?" Grima asked the birds.

The birds quickly flew away.

"I hope this year I can get a tree for Christmas. I tried to mug a tree from a happy family, but they did not have any trees on them at the time, so they gave me a Christmas acorn..."

---At Eowyn and Eomer's home

"Who wants fruit rings?" Theoden asked. Soon two little children, Eowyn and Eomer, where on him, trying to snatch the box of colourful fruit rings.

"I want the prize inside!"

---In the last homely house of Elrond

"ELLADAN!" Elrond yelled, chasing his naked little elfling, Elladan, around the house. Elladan did not seem to approve of bathing before school.

Elrohir giggled as Elladan was caught and thrown into the bathtub beside his twin.

This time, Elrond made sure to lock the door behind him to prevent his son from running around the home naked again.

---At Haldir's House

Arhael kissed his son.

"You're going to be alright at school?"

"I don't think anyone likes me ada," Haldir sighed. "They all think I weird because I look different."

"Just because you're the only Lorien elfling does not make you weird, Haldir."

"But my skin is almost white and so his my hair. It makes me ugly."

"It does not Haldir!" Arhael kissed his son again.

"I'm afraid to be bullied." Haldir whispered.

"Don't worry dear... Glorfindel is your principal, now I am sure he will be able to prevent bullying." Arhael gave his son a tight squeeze and let him onto the bus.

"Bye ada." Haldir waved his small hand.

"Good bye ion-nin." Arhael smiled.

_To be continued..._

_Sorry that it's short, and again sorry that I have not updated in a while._

**Login won't work: I don't know who you are Mister or Madame Login won't work. Could you tell me what your usual login name is?**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Have I ever told you that I like your pen name thingy? I do! I'm glad you liked the cookie. Legolas baked it. I hate Denethor.**

**Laer4572: I should package Denethor up and send him over there... What a great idea!**

**MamboDancer: My friend (who I will just say here nickname was Will, a name given to her by me) and I (was called Joe) were worried for Faramir but we did not cry. We hissed at Denethor, but only for Pippin's sake really, we don't care about Faramir or Boromir. They are cute though... I don't see that friend anymore though, which is very sad. But she was the greatest 10-year-old lord of the rings fan there ever was. Now she is no longer a fan. As a matter of fact, I think she was a fan when she was nine.**

**Invader 101: I like it when the white people come. The rooms they put me in are soft and bouncy room.**

**Karville: I'll add more Grima next chapter, okay? I hope what I put in here now is enough to suffice.**

**Ms. Unknown: In the sequel (I love sequels) they will all be... Oh no... Teenagers! Legolas the pimp-like punk, Haldir the geek, Frodo the psycho, Pippin and Merry the mentally retarded, Sam the obese, Elladan and Elrohir the Goths, Aragorn the football captain, Arwen and Eowyn the cheerleaders, Sauron and Morgoth the bullies (as usual), Grima the freak and more! I'm very excited about this, as I can base it on my school experiences (a bit). Legolas will think of Haldir as pathetic, and finally Haldir will show his March warden side... the violent side of the school geek! And of course, what will Thranduil do when he finds piercing and tattoos on Legolas? Oh what will happen? Will be rated PG 13 for language...**

**Lombadia Greenleaf: Darth Monkey whispers to Badiddledoo that a certain Hobbit duck called Frodo Duck has a shiny circle in his pocket. Darth Monkey points to the Frodo Duck who has the shiny circle.**

**Invader 101: I'm pissed at Denethor and he's not even my dad. Everyone's pissed at Denethor.**

**Bberry06: Did you forget to take your pills?**

**Moonyasha: Now I am certain you have not taken your pills today...**

**Kathysidle: What happened to your pills? Did you eat them today? But yes, I would expect a lot of folk to like a story around Cield... Hey, soon at my site I will have photos that prove that Cield exists... or at least, some Sims have seen proof of a Sim life form of Cield!**

**Southerngirl4615: Well, I know what's wrong. You DID take your pills, unlike bberry06, Moonyahsa and of course Pippin.**

**Mambo Dancer: No one can take Pippin home! Oh no. They took him. I call Haldir! I shall keep him in my bedroom and feed him Lembas crackers. He can sleep with me or in my closet, but he'd have to make a bed out of clothes and my clothes is no so softy and cuddly and his clothes. Maybe he will make a bed out of his own clothes!**

**InterstellarHobbit: Can I have that fish? Jedi Monkey gets hungry some times and I forgot to feed him for the past... few months...**

_**To learn about the sequel to this... strange story... go see my response to Ms. Unknown's review (ABOVE). I like sequels.**_


	15. Innocent Haldir

**Chapter 15: Innocent Haldir**

* * *

Haldir sat beside Legolas as he did the night before. Haldir was glad to have Legolas as his friend, even if Legolas was his only friend.

"I have two brothers, Tonus and Cield. I have a sister too," Legolas smiled proudly. "Tonus graduated a while ago, Cield was expelled and Illiendal still goes to this school, since it's the only school in middle earth."

"I have one brother. His name is Orophin. But my nana and ada told me that soon I'll have another little baby brother or sister because my mommy is fat. But we don't know if it will be a boy or a girl. Ada wants to name the baby Rumil."

"That's neat. I don't have a nana; she died, so ada says he can't get me a little brother or sister. Ada says he cant buy me one either."

"Everyone get out of the bus, we're at school." Thorin yelled. Everyone ran into the schoolyard happily.

Legolas and Haldir decided to play in the mud, a hobby of both of them. Legolas was able to use his little silver circlet to scoop mud up, and Haldir could use his little silver brooch. They put the mud and worms in their socks, and in Glorfindel's slippers, since today Glorfindel wore his pajamas and slippers.

Then, the cruel and horrible Sauron approached the muddy elflings and grabbed Haldir by the collar of his grey tunic.

"Stop!" Haldir screamed.

"Stop! He can't breath!" Legolas kicked Sauron's leg as hard as he could. Sauron kicked Legolas in return, and the elflings was sent flying across the pavement and landed in a trashcan filled with rotting applesauce and blue cheese that Lunch lady Treebeard had tried to feed the children.

Haldir was dropped onto the pavement and was then chased by Sauron. Glorfindel stopped Sauron suddenly, just when Sauron caught Haldir.

"Sauron, what are you doing?"

"I'm just playing with Haldir, sir." Sauron kept his arm tightly over Haldir's mouth, preventing the young elf from yelling.

"Oh. Alright then." Glorfindel walked away.

Sauron brought Haldir up to the wall of the school and pinned the young elfling up against the wall. Sauron punched the elfling repeatedly.

Haldir sobbed too hard to yell stop or to speak at all. One of his baby teeth fell out while being beaten.

Haldir's small form fell from the wall and onto the pavement, and Sauron began to kick him. Sauron only did this for fun, and beating up Haldir made him very happy.

Legolas was not still lying on the cement though. The back of Legolas' legs where all scraped, but he ran as fast as he could to get help. Glorifndel was currently having a midlife crisis (after all, when you've been around since the first age and have even died once you start to panic), so he was of no use. But Legolas knew of someone else very scary who could save Haldir.

"Billy Bob! Help!" Legolas ran into the janitor's lounge (a secret lounge where all the school janitors gathered to drink tea.

Inside the janitors' lounge was the two school janitors: Gollum and a little hobbit. That little hobbit's name was Billy Bob B. Baggins.

"Billy Bob! I need you to save my best friend! Sauron's hurting him!"

"Coming!" Billy Bob jumped up and grabbed his shiny light saber and ran out of the lounge and out to the schoolyard where Erestor was already trying to save Haldir.

"Billy Bob, put your glow in the dark stick away and go clean the cafeteria." Erestor ordered.

"Janitors never get to have any fun." Billy Bob sadly left.

Haldir was in Gandalf's arms, crying without stop. Sauron was being held back poorly by Erestor. Sauron grabbed Legolas and began to throttle him.

"You went to get help? I'll murder your little royal as-

"Erestor grabbed Legolas, handed him to Gandalf and finally got Sauron under control. Gandalf meanwhile took Legolas and Haldir to the office, where both their parents where called.

"Don't worry little ones, your fathers will be here shortly." Elendil said, looking sadly at the two young elves. Haldir's wounds where being cleaned as he drank a box of apple juice. Legolas drank apple juice as well.

"You both can help yourselves to some cookies." Glorfindel gestured to the bowl of cookies on his desk. Haldir took one.

Arhael and Thranduil burst into the principal's office and ran to their elflings. Haldir grabbed his father and sobbed and Legolas kissed Thranduil repeatedly

"Lord Thranduil, Lord Arhael, I think you two should take your sons home and give them this day off, for they may be traumatized for a little while." Elendil said, Glorfindel nodding in approval.

"Certainly." Thranduil said, taking Legolas by his hand.

"I cannot!" Arhael sighed sadly.

"Why not ada?" Haldir asked.

"Because, your mother is pregnant and I must continue my duty as march warden!" Arhael looked sadly at his sobbing son. Haldir's eyes where black and he could barely see, and Haldir's face was bruised, his lip was split and Haldir's torso was all brown from being kicked.

"I could bring Haldir to the palace, if you do not mind me bringing him home until you finish being March Warden for the day. I do not mind: I have plenty of servants to take good care of him and Legolas can keep him company." Thranduil smiled.

"Thank you Thranduil, that would help a lot." Arhael smiled and bent down to be facing his son.

"You will be going home with Legolas, okay? Then when I finish at my work, I will come to get you." Arhael smiled. Haldir smiled for the first time since Sauron had beaten him.

"That would be fun ada... Thanks mister Legolas' ada." Haldir stood up and stood beside Legolas.

"You four are dismissed." Elendil and Glorfindel said.

_To be continued..._

_Billy Bob B. Baggins is my little hobbit friend. Billy Bob has always wanted to go on a big adventure, so one day he was walking close to the old forest and met a little green creture called Yoda and... Billy Bob went back to his hobbit hole (which was right next to Bag End and happened to be called Bag Start) as a Jedi master..._

**Here comes the hockey puck: I should start the Anti-Denethor club.**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Orophin is too young to go to school and Rumil is not born yet, but Orophin will make an appearance and Rumil will eventually be born.**

**MamboDancer: Sure. Take Merry. Say bye to Merry, Billy Bob.**

**That Undomiel chick: Must is a very good word. Must is also part of mustard.**

**Moonyasha: I recommend some Advil. Also two Tylenol and a few Tums incase of heartburn. **

**InterstellarHobbit: Many will be mourning. Why don't you go mourn beside Thranduil?**

**Southerngirl4615: Hi hubby! Billy Bob says hi to hubby. So does Jedi Monkey.**

**Laer4572: I always have fun writing this. It's also fun to write responses to reviews that don't have anything to respond to, because then I can just say something stupid in they're review based on something they said in there review... For example, Southerngirl (above) said she woke her hubby who was not amused. So, as you can see, many imaginary characters said hi to hubby. But that's what happens when you don't post questions in your reviews... Imaginary hobbits start talking to you!**

**Kathysidle: I want a special doctor!**

**Lombadia Greenleaf: Explain where I would find cartilage on Legolas... I really don't know what part of his body it is. Yes, two on one of his ear will do at the bottom, but I wanted to stick one near the tip of his pointed ear. His eyebrow would be good, because that way when he pierces his eyebrow Thranduil will be able to notice better than if he only pierced his ear. His bellybutton would be girly, but who knows... Now I'm just thinking as to where he will get his tattoos. He shall have a little one and I am considering a big on his back. Billy Bob is going to be the tattoo artist and also the guy who pierces Legolas. It's easy for me to see the twins as Goths because I had a gothic Elladan and Elrohir sim skin for the old sims game that I downloaded from some site... Frodo Duck screams for fat Sam Duck.**

**Bberry06: I know you like the story. Now go get your pills. I think you may have flushed them down the toilet like Kathysidle... Go fish them out!**

**Ms. Unknown: Yay! One review guaranteed! **


	16. A day with Haldir

**Chapter 16: A day with Haldir**

* * *

"How are you two feeling?" Thranduil asked his son and Haldir as they walked through the palace doors, just arriving home from school.

"Fine ada. I did not get as hurt as Haldir did." Legolas smiled at Haldir gently.

"And you Haldir?"

"I still hurt, but I'm getting better." Haldir said, looking up at the king.

"Well, you two are going to have fun. We have plenty of movies to watch and games to play here at the palace..." Thranduil smiled as Haldir's face lit up with joy.

"It sounds fun!"

"It is. I live here, I know." Legolas smiled, running inside with his friend quickly following.

"So Haldir, what do you want to do?" Legolas asked, looking wide-eyed at his new friend.

"I don't know- who are you?"

Haldir looked up at Cield who smiled down at him.

"I'm Legolas' brother, Cield."

"I'm Haldir, sir."

"Cield, what are you doing here?"

"I should be asking you two the same question."

"We got bullied and hurt so they sent us home, but Haldir's ada and nana could not bring him home so ada took him home. Why are you here?"

"This used to be my home and ada says that I am always welcome. Firelien, the kids and I are still here. Nenmir is waiting on the swing set for me to come push him and Malfinniel is napping with her mother in my old bed."

"Okay."

"Nenmir wants to go in the in ground pool, do you two wish to come after I push him for a final time?"

"Yes."

"Yes please."

The two elflings followed Cield who approached his son who sat on a swing in the courtyard.

"You took too long ada."

"I told you I was going to eat lunch and I asked you to come with me, but it was your own choice not to!" Cield smiled as his son jumped onto him.

"I love you ada."

"I love you too Nenmir. Now would you like to go swim?"

"Yes ada!"

Nenmir quickly pulled off his tunic and kicked off his shoes as he sprang into the shallow end of the pool, Cield stripping off his own tunic and jumping in after his son, splashing all the elflings.

"Come on Haldir! It's safe!"

"Coming! Coming!"

Haldir and Legolas hopped quickly into the pool and the two splashed each other and had much fun swimming in circles, and chasing each other. Cield meanwhile was playing with his son.

Cield grabbed Nenmir around his waist and swam over to the deep end and Nenmir began to scream.

"Ada! Ada! Don't let me sink! It's too deep!"

Cield laughed and Nenmir screamed, then Firelien came out.

"Cield! Bring Nenmir right back to the shallow end! You're scaring him to death!"

"I'm just playing!" Cield sighed as he swam back to the shallow end.

"Ada you scared me. But I still love you very much." Nenmir sighed in relief.

"Legolas! Haldir! Lunch." Thranduil called. The two elflings jumped out of the pool and ran into the palace, both of them being very wet. Galion was at the dining table, serving sandwiches that he had just made freshly with miracle whip (which is, as many know, a type of mayonnaise) and salami.

"Yum!" Legolas ran over to Galion and squeezed him tightly.

"Legolas! You made me completely wet!" Galion sighed, but smiled at the young elfling.

"I'm sorry."

"Ai, don't worry about it little one, it does not matter anyways for I will be having my lunch break soon and then I will have time to change into something dry." Galion grinned.

"Your too soft mellon-nin." Thranduil whispered to Galion as he passed by the king.

But as the elflings where enjoying an early lunch (it being only ten in the morning), their classmates where having a '_great_' time with Denethor... Oh yes very _great_!

_To be continued..._

**_I am looking for suggestions that I could use so that there are more of the mortals in this story since I don't write much about them..._**

**Mistopurr (to all seven reviews): Poor James. My friend's name is James, or at least he says I'm his friend. He says that we are all his friends because he is a 10th grader who helps us in gym. Runner Bean? What is that? Well, I have never been a runner bean or a snowflake. I have been the letter I though... I don't like Melkor much either, nor does my computer Billy Bob B. Baggins the second. And just for your information, I have just decided that the 'B' after Billy Bob will now stand for Brian! So he is truly Billy Bob Brian Baggins, but we just call him Billy Bob B. Baggins for short. Paladin is right about the bikini part, for after all that's what Glorfindel and Elrond model. Nasty thoughts. Cield likes kids now, because he has two. But he favours his son because Nenmir is attached to him. Sequels are always fun. Billy Bob Brian Baggins agrees with James and wishes to become friends with James. It is very sad when you think of it since Sauron was always very good is class, and as you said he was a very good boy always spelling his name with a capital first unlike the other children who where very poor in grammar. Poor Misto, you have a cold. Get better soon. **

**Kathysidle: My doctor lives at my elementary school. He's actually a tree. My friend and I met him. At first he only helped my friend but eventually I needed help too... His name is Wig Wig, or at least that's what my friend and I call him. His real name is Skinbark. He's an ENT you know. Sadly I don't go to that school anymore!**

**Moonyasha: Go sleep now. No more cookies for you before bed.**

**WitchQueen90122: I will try to update fast... Hey, do you know the witch king?**

**Here comes the hockey puck: Sadly he's only got himself an in-school suspension.**

**Bberry06: I love that song!**

**Celias23: Got any suggestions for use of mortals? I don't write much with the mortals so I need help with that. **

**MamboDancer: Yes, it should be that way. Eventually it will become that way.**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: My uncle is a big geek on that kind of stuff, he loves everything I love: Lord of the Rings, the matrix and of course star wars! He pre-ordered Star Wars, as my dad suspected so he will bring them down so I can watch them and also watch the making of Gollum since my copy stopped working. Orophin goes to preschool though, and he goes there with Cield's children and some other characters that I haven't chosen whom they shall be.**

**Lombadia Greenleaf: Yep, the point of his ear will be cool. I think his tattoo at the bottom of his back should be good, and I think he will get another on but very small somewhere else. His eyebrow shall be pierced, plus the point of his ear and he will have two piercing near the bottom of his ear on one ear. He might get his bellybutton but that is a tad girly. I think that Elladan and Elrohir can both get their tongues pieced, and perhaps their noses. Did I tell you yet that the very talented Billy Bob B. (and that B. stands for Brian) Baggins is the piercing guy, and also a very talented tattoo artist? It's true! Cory is grabbed by Darth Monkey and gets a big hug.**

**Southerngirl4615: I like Sauron. I think he looks like a kitchen appliance, but then again, so does Darth Vader.**

**Laer4572: There is this guy who goes to my school and takes the city bus with me and I swear he is Pippin. His hair is identical to Pippin's. He's just not short, and I doubt that Pippin listens to AC DC. Haldir likes his boo boos being kissed, that makes him happy so he gives you a big hug.**

**Ms. Unknown: They will feel very good very soon since they are at a palace and the palace contains an in ground swimming pool! Yay!**


	17. Professor Denethor

**Chapter 17: Professor Denethor**

* * *

"Hello class. As my wonderful son Boromir-

"And Faramir!" Faramir squeaked.

"...No interrupting or I will send you to the idiot- I mean, principal... Now, as my wonderful son Boromir plus my average son Faramir know, I am professor Denethor." Denethor spelt his name on the chalkboard.

"Hello Denethor."

"No! Hello professor Denethor!" Denethor snapped at the little children. Frodo's hand shot up.

"What?" Denethor asked Frodo.

"Why do we have to call you 'professor' Denethor? Gandalf lets us call him just Gandalf."

"That's because Gandalf is a soft-hearted idiot. I am wise and a true professor. Now you shall call me professor Denethor or else!"

"Dad, can I call you dad?" Boromir asked.

"Yes."

"Can I call you dad?" Faramir asked.

"FARAMIR! Raise your hand. And no, you cannot call me dad."

"Can I call you dad?" Pippin asked, Merry looking shocked at what Pippin said.

"No stupid midget boy."

"Oh... Okay." Pippin looked sadly away.

"Now today-

Denethor shot a glance at the identical elves sitting beside each other.

"Who are you two?"

"Elladan and Elrohir."

"You two need name tags."

"Why?"

"So that I can tell which one of you is Elladan and which is Elrohir you idiots!"

Denethor went to his desk, took two pieces of paper and wrote 'Eldan' on one and 'Erohell' on the other, then took two pins (just pins, not safety pins) and pinned the tags to each twin.

"My name is not spelt Erohell. It's E-L-R-O-H-I-R."

"And mine is spelt E-L-L-A-D-A-N..."

"I don't care!"

The twins quickly closed their mouths.

"Now, today we will be exchanging students. We will be changing 5 of our students for 5 of the Mordor College students."

"What is a COLLEGE?"

"It's a bigger, better school than this."

"Oh."

"So, I have already chosen our five. They are Faramir, Eowyn, Eomer, Estel and Grima." Denethor smiled. "The exchange is for a month. Have fun children, we've already had your parents pack your bags and bring them here. Now please children, welcome your five new classmates who have just arrived: Lurtz, Ugluk, Witch King, Mini Nazgul and Felly the Fell Beast!" Denethor smiled as the two Uruk-Hai, two Nazguls and giant fell beast entered the room. All the children screamed.

"Good bye my love, Arwen!" Estel yelled as he and the four other exchange students where taken out of the room.

"Now, could you each introduce yourself? Lurtz, you first."

"Hello classmates. My name is Lurtz Uruk-Hai. I am one of the first of the Uruk-Hai, bred by Saruman the wise. I am nineteen and attend Mordor College every day of the week. I am very excited to be in your class this month. I will be replacing Eomer, so I will be taking his seat. My hobbies include hobbit-whipping, pulling curly hobbit hair from hobbits' heads and scaring children."

"Thank you Lurtz! Go take Eomer's seat. Ugluk, introduce yourself."

"Hello my name is Ugluk. I am a fighting Uruk-Hai, just like Lurtz. I attend college and just like Lurtz I am nineteen and I go to school every day of the week. To get to school I ride on a warg whose name is Fuzz ball. I am so glad to be a part of this exchange and I hope I will feel welcome in this class. My hobbies are very much like those of Lurtz: I enjoy chasing little mortals, torturing smaller people than me such as hobbits and eating meat. Thank you for listening. I'm replacing Eowyn."

"Very good Ugluk! Witch King, go please! Witch King is here to replace my boy Faramir."

The witch king screeched very loud and all the children screamed.

"Thank you Witch King. Mini Nazgul, you may go now."

"Hi... My name is... Mini N-Nazgul... I'm... Shy... And I-I'm not as... big as the... other Nazguls or the Witch King of Angmar... I-I fly to school on my mini fell beast... his name is... Heinz... I like school and... I like to paint pictures and... smell old man Herman's flowers... and I like the colour pink... and I love children... I'm eighteen and I'm in my... first year of... college... And I'm replacing... Grima."

"Thank you for that very quiet presentation Mini Nazgul. Last but not least it's Felly's turn. Felly, go on and don't be as shy as Mini was."

Felly growled loudly and took a seat where Estel sat. Arwen backed away.

"Now, I hope you will all enjoy your new classmates. Now it's time for a spelling test!"

_To be continued..._

_The plot of this chapter was given to us by Haldir's Heart and Soul._

**Ooh-Ooh-I-luv-Harley: Ya, I think Sauron and the new exchange students from Mordor will beat up some little hobbits.**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Your wish is my command. Poof. There it is!**

**Mistopurr: Nah, now why would playing a runner bean throw them off? You might just be able to get the role of the rock behind Tom Cruise or maybe even the tree that Brad Pitt leans on... Better yet, why not be hired to play One of Orlando Bloom's runner beans?**

**Ms. Unknown: Cute is good.**

**Bberry06: Short is okay. But I like long reviews more.**

**Kit Cloudkicker: I know, but it was a suggestion from the fans. I have fans with dirty minds. To your other reviews: The dates are screwed up, but I need all the characters I can get which includes ones that by all means should be dead. Ya I guess I should blame Peter but still, I don't like mortals very much anyways so it won't help by blaming Pete. **

**Starlit jewel: Damn! I just sent Aragorn away... Well, maybe Pippin could steal it? After all, he did take Saruman's Palantir...**

**Lombadia Greenleaf: I like miracle whip. Billy Bob says yes. He says to come to his piercing & tattoo shop at 445 Bag End, the shire on the day of Yule. Darth Vader makes Mr.Goslett's famous snack: A salty cracker with processed cheese, an anchovy and a cherry on top. Plus he adds the miracle whip to give it the extra zip the snack needs. Yum! He offers it to Badiddledoo and Cory. **

**Moonyasha: Yum, sleeping gas. That tastes so good!**


	18. Fifty Spelling Words

**Chapter 18: Fifty spelling words**

* * *

"Sir, I can't go! I'm allergic to big flaming volcanoes!" Estel suddenly shouted, running into class. Denethor groaned and pointed to Figwit.

"Your going. Estel take the brown-haired, pointy-eared elf's seat."

"But I'm not a mortal! I wont fit in!"

"Judging by your hair your half mortal. Now go!" Denethor shooed Figwit away.

"Now as I was saying, it's spelling test time."

Denethor took a piece of chalk and wrote all fifty words on the board. The chalk squeaked a lot as well.

"These are your fifty words to study for next class. They are all fairly easy. Write them down on a piece of paper!"

The words where:

Lactose

Fahrenheit

Zucchini

Pineapple

Professor

Refrigerant

Tirith

Gondorian

Boromir

Cerulean

Hamburger

Professional

Quality

Photo

Philadelphia

Mississippi

Mushroom

Solvent

University

Assemblies

Restaurant

Fragrant

Degreaser

Description

Micro-miniatures

Acrostic

Enclosure

Anti-Static

Jerusalem

Circuit

Aerosol

Pudding

Whole

Optical

Obese

Hideous

Hidalgo

Upright

Phillip

Screwdriver

Wrench

Hammer

Salami

Trademark

Metrical

Miracle

Mayonnaises

Technology

Chemicals

Tolerance

"Those are hard!" All the children gasped.

"Yes, I know. But if you learn them now you will be smart. Recess time. Get out of here you annoying kids!"

Denethor shooed them all away.

--------------------

"Legolas, this is a lot of fun. I am glad we get to stay home today to play."

"So am I."

"So you two are enjoying yourselves?" Thranduil asked, smiling at Haldir.

"Yes sir."

"Yes ada!"

"Good, now that Galion is off his break he has offered to take you both riding, if you two wish to join him."

"Haldir, do you want to?"

"Yes."

"I want to too!"

"Alright then, go meet Galion in the court yard." Thranduil watched as his son and Haldir ran out to the courtyard. Thranduil followed so that he could watch and make sure they did not harm themselves as Thranduil wished for Haldir to go home in one piece.

_To be continued..._

_Sorry that it's a little short and that there have not been many updates._

**Here comes the hockey puc: Ya, I noticed that you where short a K. I am happy that you got an account.**

**Laer4572: I love hobbits, but sometimes they need to be bullied! Oh my poor babies. Maybe Billy Bob will save them again. I like your ideas on mortals, will use them in the future. It is fun to ride with Pippin, but he does not mess up much. He may go deaf though, judging by how loud he plays his AC DC songs. But that's okay because it's like having a walking walk man with you on the bus.**

**Mistopurr: I love mini Nazgul! He takes after my pet Nazgul. My friend and I used to ride on the school bus and just before her stop there is a tree and for over one year now a black garbage bag has been stuck in that tree. When we saw the black bag, we named it Mini Nazgul who we consider our son. He's been in that tree since September 2003 and he still is there! **

**Moonyasha: I can't reply to this, I am sleeping right now because I drank too much sleeping gas.**

**Ooh-Ooh-I-luv-Harley: What's 'how many fingers'?**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: YOUR WELCOME! YOUR WELCOME! YOUR WELCOME!**

**Kathysidle: Actually, I'm thirteen this January. Shh, you have to keep that quiet until January when I throw my happy birthday chapter.**

**Starlit Jewel: Well I guess they sort of want to try and take over the Denethor world, but Estel had to come back because of all the Aragorn fans reading this. **

**Lombadia Greenleaf: Darth Monkey also has a bottle of Mr.Goslett (the auto, arts and home economics teacher at my school)'s new tonic: Curls be gone! Has been tested on the kid with the crazy hair, Mike. Just in case Badiddledoo has the curly hair disease. I do not like jerked stuff, and I do not know what Jerky is. But Denethor is jerky. Billy Bob can tattoo 'Orlando Bloom', because he is that talented. But he can't do it on Wednesday because that is training with Yoda day. So is Saturday and Tuesday. And Sunday he prays to Obi-Wan Kenobi... I've never seen whale rider.**


	19. Nice wet drugs

Chapter 19: Nice, wet drugs

Galion lifting the two elflings onto his horse, and he quickly jumped on behind them.

"Now, hold onto the rope there that's around his neck-

"My ada rides without a rope thingy or a saddle." Legolas said, smiling proudly, then quickly grabbing the rope as the horse began to move.

"Mine too, but if I don't hold on I'll fall!" Haldir said, looking down in terror of the long fall.

"I wont let either of you fall but..." Galion began as Legolas hung off the horse.

"If you fool around like that, I will let you fall." Galion smiled as he fixed Legolas' posture.

------

Denethor smiled as he looked out the class window and was certain that the children where all away. Denethor went into a corner of the class room, took his lighter from his pocket and... Lit his cigarette. But that was not wise because...

"SMOKE! SMOKE! FIRE! AHHH!" Billy Bob Brian Baggins screamed as he ran into the room with a bucket of water, pouring it onto Denethor.

"You should be thankful! I smelt smoke and found fire, you could have burned up in flames!" Billy Bob said, and with that he waved good-bye and ran away quickly because he smelt smoke coming from Isengard.

"Who hired that damned kid anyways?" Denethor asked himself miserably as he threw away the now very wet cigarette, and went to kill Billy Bob.

"Please don't hurt me! I have a family who hates me!" Billy Bob screamed as a very angry Denethor chased him around the room.

Denethor suddenly stopped.

"Your family hates you? You poor thing!" Denethor seemed very nice, and quickly ran over to Billy Bob and gave him a tight hug. Too tight, actually, and Billy Bob started to suffocate.

"Help me!"

------

Erestor sadly was following Glorfindel around the schoolyard. Glorfindel was on yard duty this recess, and had brought Erestor with him only because he was getting revenge on all the cruel pranks Erestor had played on him.

"Erestor, go check and make sure those hobbit kids are playing nicely."

"But they are hobbits! The worst they could do is eat one another!"

"Erestor, GO!"

"Yes..."

"Yes what?"

"Yes master." Eretor kicked a stone in anger as he went to see how the hobbits where doing.

"Are you all playing nicely?"

"Ya." Sam said, licking his fingers in joy (as he had just finished eating hi fiftieth Gummy Ring).

Merry and Pippin where playing 'tie cousin Frodo to the train tracks' and Erestor sadly had to end their fun.

"Sorry kids, but Frodo is not like Neo and will get killed when the train comes, so you cant tie him here." Erestor untied Frodo.

"Oh. I thought he was the one." Pippin looked sadly at his cousin who was not the one.

"You kids should stop watching the Matrix, it's rated R."

"Why?"

"I wont say. It would put wrong images of two certain characters in your little hobbity minds."

"Ohhhh! I know what seen." Merry smiled.

"What scene?" Erestor asked.

"The scene where Neo eats the apple of course." Merry smiled, taking Pippin's arm and went to go play 'tie cousin Frodo to the apple tree and see if he will be able to fly away'.

Erestor shrugged and decided it was best to leave quickly and pretend this never happened.

To be continued...

I'm really sorry that this took so long to update and that it's so short, but I got braces today and I've been busy.

MamboDancer: I hate Denethor too. We all do. It's okay that you missed two chapters god will forgive you. Unless your Jewish, then I don't think you believe in god.

OutlawedWriter: Ya, when I chose Fahrenheit I had been watching a commercial about it. Zucchini is one of the coolest words ever. Philadelphia... I like Philadelphia Cream Cheese. Hidalgo is a strange movie. If you really want my signature for your petition my name and my e-mail can be found at my user page... Although I don't really think chat/script should be aloud, I hate this website's staff and rules so I'll do anything to change them, and you're a reviewer so I will help you out.

InterestellarHobbit: Fuzzball! Yay!

Haldir's Heart and Soul: I'm glad you feel good. Lets all feel good. My braces hurt though, so we cant all feel good. But you can still feel good.

Bberry06: Nice use of words. Denethor can use those phrases for his phrase-spelling test, but he can replace the word he with 'the stupid elf'.

Ms.Unknown: I don't have much time, that's why the chapters are short.

Lombadia Greenleaf: Billy Bob is fine with that. Yes, my Legolas action figure does taste very good, especially when I season him with sugar. My Legolas poster though... I never tried it!

I-luv-Harly: Okay, that's a good idea.

Kathysidle: Three months. I cant spell any of those words, I have spell check.

Here comes the hockey puck: Haldir get hurt... good idea!

Starlit Jewel: Denethor likes Boromir that much.

That Undomiel Chick: Yes, 2005.


	20. Flowers and Fun at the Palace

**Chapter 20: Flowers and fun at the palace**

Billy Bob was tied up, gagged and thrown into Denethor's classroom closet, which was right beside Sam's desk. Poor Billy Bob was trapped in their, screaming for mercy (since he has a terrible fear of the dark, and closets are very dark).

Meanwhile, in the schoolyard, Elladan was picking flowers.

"'Dan, what on middle-earth are you doing?" Elrohir asked his twin who was skipping across the yard, pulling out flowers.

"Getting flowers!"

"Why?"

"For a she-elf."

"Who?"

"I'm not telling!" Elladan giggled happily as he selected a few more and ran away to find the she-elf he spoke of.

"I picked these for you, miss." Elladan blushed as he showed Legolas' sister the flowers.

"That's so... sweet of you, little one." Illiendal smiled, taking the flowers (which where mostly dandelions and other various weeds) and pat Elladan on his head.

"My name's Elladan."

"You're Elrond's son, aren't you?"

"Yup."

"You have a twin, don't you?"

"Yep, Elrohir. He's over there." Elladan pointed to where Elrohir stood.

"Well, you are a very sweet elfling Elladan." Illiendal smiled.

"Illiendal, are you coming? I have a surprise for you." Sernaer said, tapping Illiendal on her shoulder.

"Who is **_he_**?" Elladan asked.

"Oh, this? He is Sernaer, my friend. Sernaer, this is Lord Elrond's son, Elladan."

"Hello Elladan..." Sernaer smiled, and Elladan hissed at him and walked away.

"He's strange. Now come on, I have a surprise for you!"

-----

Galion smiled as he heard the elflings giggle as they rode in circles around the courtyard.

"This is fu-

Haldir screamed as he tumbled off the horse (because he had not been holding the rope that was around the horse's neck). Galion gasped, grabbed Legolas and jumped down to see how Haldir was.

"Haldir, how badly are you injured?"

"Just... a bit. My bum is sore from falling."

"Let's take you inside... We can put some ointment on your bum if you wish, but it will only help a bit." Galion said.

"No ointment please."

"Alright. Come on Legolas, you two can have a snack and if you wish, you can go swimming."

"Okay!" Legolas said, happily skipping along beside Galion.

Thranduil saw the three enter and scooped Legolas into his arms.

"You are back soon." Thranduil said, kissing Legolas on his brow.

"Haldir fell off the horse." Legolas said, Thranduil bending down to be eye level with Haldir.

"Are you alright, Haldir?" Thranduil asked, putting a hand on the young elf's shoulder.

"I'm fine. I have a bruise now, though, 'cause I fell on my bum. But I'll be fine. Lord Galion says we can have a snack... can we, Lord Legolas' Ada?"

Thranduil smiled and looked up at Galion.

"Why don't you go make them a treat, _Lord_ Galion?" Thranduil smiled.

"Alright, Lord Legolas' Ada." Galion smiled and was off the make brownies and chocolate-mint cookies (like the kind the scouts and girl guides sell).

Haldir and Legolas followed Thranduil.

"Why are you two following me?"

"'Cause it's fun!" Legolas giggled, suddenly clinging onto his father's leg, making Thranduil loose his balance, but the king managed to grab onto a shelf before falling.

"Careful Legolas, I would have fallen if that very well placed shelf was not there." Thranduil said, sitting down on the floor besides his son and his son's friend.

"Ada, I love you." Legolas smiled.

"I love you too, Legolas." Thranduil pat Legolas gently on his shoulder.

"So... Haldir, do you have any siblings?"

"What's a sibling?" Haldir asked.

"A brother or sister." Thranduil smiled.

"Yes, I have one brother. His name is Orophin; he's smaller than me. And my nana and ada said to me that soon I'll have another 'sibling'."

"That's nice, Haldir." Thranduil smiled.

"Ada, I want another sibling. I want another one who is smaller than me, so I wont be the smallest." Legolas said.

"Legolas, it is not possible for me to do that."

"Why not? You where able to give Tonus a sibling, Cield a sibling and Illiendal a sibling – me! But, why can't I have a sibling?"

"Because... your mother is... In mandos right now Legolas, therefore it is not possible at all."

"Oh. But when nana comes back, can I have a sibling."

Thranduil put a hand on his head and sighed.

"Legolas, I have tried to tell you this many times before... Nana is not coming back, I am sorry."

"Oh... I forgot."

Legolas sighed and looked at Haldir.

"Is your nana still alive?"

"Yes."

"I have prepared you all a meal, and once you finish, you can have some brownies and cookies." Galion said, grinning as the elflings jumped up and ran to go eat.

"Here sir, let me help you." Galion gave Thranduil a hand as the king stood up.

"I could have gotten up on my own, you know." Thranduil smiled, walking alongside his butler as the two walked towards the dinning halls.

Legolas was making a face at the large piece of meat on his plate. Thranduil watched as Legolas tried to cover it all with his mashed potatoes, to hide the fact that they where not eaten.

"Finished!" Legolas giggled.

"Alright, so you ate the meat. Now have some potatoes." Thranduil smirked.

"No... I'm full." Legolas said, putting a hand on his belly.

"Really? Then I guess you will be too full for brownies and cookies."

"No!"

"Then eat your potatoes and the meat under them."

Legolas miserably pushed the potato off the meat and took a bite of the meat.

"Now has a spoonful of potatoes."

"A small spoonful. I hate potatoes."

"Alright Legolas, one spoonful only, and all of your meat."

Legolas nodded and did as his father asked.

"Good boy. You both finished all of your food, so Galion can bring the dessert for you two." Thranduil smiled as his son beamed at being praised.

Galion brought the dessert and the two elflings ate it up fast.

"Now, you two will have to wait a bit before going to swim, so why don't we all spend some time in the living room?" Thranduil suggested. The elflings nodded and quickly followed the king.

Thranduil lay on one of the many settees in the living room of the palace and Legolas cuddled up beside him. Cield sat on a soft cushioned chair, with his children asleep on his lap and his hair up in a ponytail. Haldir sat on the floor in front of Cield.

"How long did it take to get your hair that long, sir?" Haldir asked Cield. Cield looked down and smiled.

"I'd say... Five or ten mortal years, I do not really count."

"Is it fun to have long hair?"

"You have long hair."

"Not as long as your hair."

Cield smiled.

"It's fun, except when I have to pull long hair out of my as-

"Cield." Thranduil shook his head at his son.

"I don't even know how the hair from my head gets all the way down there!" Cield shrugged sadly.

"Cield, your hair goes down below your waste. What do you expect?"

Cield sighed and began to stoke his son's hair.

Thranduil pulled from under the settee a bottle of wine, and called for Galion to bring a wine glass for him and a glass for Cield. Thranduil poured himself and his son a glass of wine and took a small sip before placing it on the end table.

The two elflings had a wonderful day so far, but the children at school...

_To be continued..._

_Hope you liked that. It's Friday here, yay!_

**Lombadia Greenleaf: Good. Straight teeth are nice. Billy Bob is very claustrophobic and afraid of the dark (and he is allergic to being gagged and tied up with rope)... Poor him.**

**Lariencalaelen: Oh goodie, a new reader! I don't know if they had cars or televisions, but these elves/hobbits do. The dwarves don't have television though; because you cant get a good satellite signal from inside the mountains unless you work for Sauron. **

**Laer4572: Ya, but the cookies of knowledge would not be strong enough to even give Pippin an ounce of knowledge. **

_Wow, really? That is ALL the reviews I got for that chapter. That is bad, it makes me sad. You made me sad. You are all bad people, shame on you... Just kidding. I am actually very happy, even though technically only two of those reviews where for chapter 19..._


	21. Bella Bob

**Chapter 21: Bella Bob**

Sam was nervously rocking back and forth in his little plastic chair. Noises where coming from the closet beside him, and it sounded like someone was dying in there.

"Uh... Lord Denethor? Is someone dying in the closet?"

"Why do you ask, O fat hobbit?" Denethor asked.

"Noises are coming from inside..." Sam whispered.

"Nonsense! There is no way that someone is in there, it's imposs-

Suddenly, the floor fell off and Billy Bob (still tied and gagged) came rolling out onto Sam's desk. His eyes widened at the sight of Denethor and he quickly hopped out of the classroom, just to be grabbed by Denethor and pulled back in.

"We will be doing our first science project, it seems." Denethor smiled and Frodo raised his hand.

"Will we be dissecting frogs?"

"No..." Denethor muttered, and poor Billy Bob had to go to the bathroom.

"Will we be dissecting Billy Bob the janitor?" Pippin asked. Poor Billy Bon no longer had to go to the bathroom.

"Well, no, but we will instead lay him on the floor and you can all prod him with your pencils, then with those pencils write on a piece of parchment notes on how he reacts to your pokes.

"That sounds fun!" Estel giggled, grabbing his pen and running up to Billy Bob to poke him in the eye. As soon as Estel poked him, the fun began and everyone ran up with pencils, pens and whiteout and poked him. But Pippin (who bore white-out) instead painted Billy Bob's nails and toenails white.

Since Pippin was painting nails, Arwen decided it was now a game of dress up. Since Denethor did not really care what they did to Billy Bob, Arwen grabbed her clear cherry lip gloss (number 87) and made Billy Bob sit up.

"Everyone get back!" Arwen shrieked, and all the children ran as far away as possible.

"She is going to show him how to use lip gloss, be careful..." Estel warned.

"Look Billy Bob, you put the gloss on your bottom lip like this..." Arwen swiftly but carefully put two thin layers of her gloss on Billy Bob's lower lip.

"Now, just kiss."

"K-Miss moo?" Billy Bob tried to say what he wanted to say as best as he could with the gag in his mouth.

"No, don't kiss miss moo. Just move your lips as if you where kissing, then it will make the lip gloss spread to your top lip and it wont have too much on either."

Billy Bob did as he was told, and soon he had very pretty glossy lips.

Arwen suddenly screamed Pippin's name. Pippin started to cry.

"You gave him a horrid manicure Pippin!" Arwen shrieked and quickly got her whiteout-out out and took off the whiteout from Billy Bob's nails, then re-did it to give him a 'perfect manicure', or at least as perfect as a manicure done by a little half-elfling could give a grown hobbit whilst using whiteout.

"Beautiful." Arwen smiled proudly.

Billy Bob looked like a beautiful she-hobbit.

"I call him, Bella Bob." Arwen smiled.

"Alright then class, make notes of this Bella Bob creation." Denethor yelled and all the kids did so quickly.

It seems the kids had fun after all, but Billy Bob went home crying.

_To be continued..._

_Sorry it's taking so long to update, it's the end of term at school and I have 5 mouth sores because of my braces so I am in pain and one sore is on my tongue._

**Surf all day and do the hula: I like elves, but I'll try my best to vary. **

**Laer4572: Ow, poor Cield... No cookies for Pippin? He is very sad... again.**

**Mesozoic Flower: You made me happy, but I was already happy, so I must be... Happier! Well, my mouth hurts so you made it feel better.**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: I like digging wholes in my mashed potatoes and filling the wholes with gravy. But if I fill the wholes with cranberry sauce it looks like a snowy mount doom, and if I fill the wholes with corn and flatted the potato, it looks like an egg. It is sad.**

**Moonyasha: I'm interesting? Goodie!**

**Here comes the hockey puck: I know you did, but when you reviewed I had probably already written the responses and did not include you. But I still love your review don't worry... How can you get kicked out of girl guides!? **

**Bberry06: Taters are good for you but Legolas believes that they bring cancer and lung disease. **

**Ms.Unknown: The same I said to here comes the hockey puck (aside from the part about girl guides)... I like hurting Haldir, but when I hurt them it means I love them very much.**


	22. Arwen and Pippin are married!

**Chapter 22: Arwen and Pippin are married!**

It was lunchtime now, and Boromir and Estel where in a huge debate.

"Gondor is mine." Boromir yelled.

"I'm gonna be king!" Estel screamed.

"My daddy's still ALIVE!"

"My daddy was not a stupid steward!"

"My daddy is in charge right now!"

"My daddy used to be the king!"

"I actually live in Gondor!"

"I get to spy on elves in Rivendell!"

"I have the horn of Gondor!"

"I have the evenstar!"

"I -

"I'M MARRYING THE KING OF GONDOR!" Arwen screamed, and that ended the debate over who was more of a gondorian, but then another debate started.

"I'm the king!"

"No I am!" Estel screamed.

"I am! See, Arwen you can marry me." Boromir smiled, then Arwen screamed.

"What's the matter my love?" Both Boromir and Estel asked.

"My bracelet is missing! It's white and shiny... I stole it from Legolas' ada because it was pretty, and I lost it! I want it back! It's mine and I want it back! Whoever gives it back to me can marry me!" Arwen screamed, and Boromir and Estel ran off to find the shiny white bracelet for Arwen.

Frodo had it, and wanted to give it back.

"Give it to me Frodo, I have to give it back to Arwen. Please let me have it." Estel said kindly, but before Frodo could hand it to Estel, Boromir ran in.

"No! GIVE IT TO ME! GIVE IT TO MEEEE!" Boromir yelled, traumatizing young Frodo.

"Yoink!" Pippin ran by and grabbed it. He tried to read the elvish writing.

"Property of... Th... Thranduil. Must be Arwen's." Pippin shrugged and ran to give it to Arwen.

Some minutes later, Arwen was sitting beside Pippin. They both wore rings made of orange Play-Doh.

"You married Pippin?" Estel gasped.

"If I married you, I'd have to give up being immortal. All that Pippin wanted was some food."

Aragorn and Boromir ate lunch beside each other sadly, glaring at Pippin and his Play-Doh ring.

As sad as Estel and Boromir where, Sam was having a worse time. He thought he would be enjoying his beef jerky all by himself when... The Mordor gang came.

"Give me your beef jerky man flesh!" Ugluk yelled. Lurtz was standing behind him with a whip, Felly the fell beast held Mordor-brand rope in his mouth, witch king was steering Felly and Mini-Nazgul was holding his Casper the friendly ghost balloon.

"I'm not man-flesh! I'm a hobbit!" Sam screamed, dropping his beef jerky quickly. Lurtz took the rope from Felly, tied Sam up and left to go split the beef jerky (Mini-Nazgul of course getting the smallest piece).

Mini Nazgul wandered around a bit, looking at all of his peers. None of them had ever talked to him since they seemed scared of him. Mini was surprised, since he doubted that he was very scary at all.

Meanwhile, Glorfindel and Simon where planning for the play rehearsal which would be tomorrow.

"So I was thinking, Lord Simon, that we could dye Gimli's beard pink so it would be harder to tell that Snow White has a beard... In fact, I want to get him over here now so I can dye his beard this moment!" Glorfindel said, running away and bringing back Gimli.

"Alright Gimli, so take a seat there, I'm going to make your beard nice are pretty for the play!"

"Okay!" Gimli ran as fast as he could (which was very slow) to the chair.

"Break a leg, Glorfindel, and though I mean that for luck you probably will when you take out the dye and Gimli finds out what your doing..." Simon said, Glorfindel shrugging.

"I don't know how breaking my leg is good luck, but since I'm an elf it will heal fast so why not!" Glorfindel bashed his leg into the side of the stage and he fell onto the ground.

"It's broken! Ow... Simon, I think you'll have to dye Gimli's beard." Glorfindel said.

"Dye my beard? No!" Gimli ran away.

"Um... Help? Please?" Glorfindel looked up for help, and Simon quickly ran away, leaving the poor Balrog slayer on the ground, praying for Erestor to come and rescue him.

To be continued... 

_If I spelt 'evenstar' wrong, sorry... I just really don't do enough about Arwen to know how to spell it._

**Rainbow fish: I will continue, so you better continue reviewing.**

**Gods-girl2004: You forgot to take your pills today... God would be ashamed, well, maybe he would not be ashamed; I'd have to check the bible. **

**LadyAlariel: Yes, that part about Estel is great. I will use that!  
**

**Ms. Unknown: Yea, I tend to write a weird chapter every so-often. **

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Don't worry, Billy Bob is used to being abused by me, he's like my voodoo doll. I do whatever I want to him and he can't do anything about it.**

**Kathysidle: How old's your poor brother? Well, like I said to Haldir's Heart and Soul, Billy Bob is my voodoo doll... **

**Mesozoic Flower: I am so mean to Bella Bob - uh, I mean Billy Bob. He was named after Billy Bob the actor (from bad Santa, I'm not saying his full name though since that's not permitted here and I don't know how to spell his last name)... I think Billy bob is the coolest yet strangest name ever... Kind of like a farmer's name.**

**Mistopurr: Oh no not the eye. It's Arwen's fault! Or you can just blame Billy Bob; he's already in therapy (and he's also a part-time therapist himself)...**

**Here comes the hockey puck: I don't know much about girl guides but here in Quebec there are like, different names for different levels... I can't remember what my friend was, but I think she finished guides last year and she was 11... I don't know what a brown own is, I think I've seen them at zoos. They go 'hoot'. **

**Surf all day and do the hula: I care! My friend has them all black, but hers are like, chains so she can only have one colour. She's changing the colour right now as I type this, come to think of it! My dad thinks that the little plastic elastic things my doctor has looks like toys you would get from McDonalds.**

Starlit Jewel: Do you mean your leader is not doing anything? Because I doubt it makes much sense to say because our leader is doing anything, but maybe I am just easily confused.

**Bberry06: I love whiteout. It's so... White. **


	23. Mackenzie Ian Norberto Immanuel Nazgul

**Chapter 23: Mackenzie-Ian-Norberto-Immanuel Arthur-Terry-Uriel-Ray-Eliseo Nazgul**

* * *

"Hullo Mini!" said a very cheerful Merry.

"Hi." Mini said softly.

"Your name cant really be Mini Nazgul, is it?"

"No, it's not. My real name is Mackenzie Ian Norberto Immanuel Nazgul... But my innitals are M. I. N. I. Nazgul... So everyone calls me Mini Nazgul, or even Miniature because my middle names are Arthur Terry Uriel Ray Eliseo." Mini Nazgul said.

"Oh, so your REAL name is Mackenzie Ian Norberto Immanuel?"

"Yes, plus my middle name is Arthur Terry Uriel Ray Eliseo, and my last is Nazgul, just like the other Nazguls. We no longer go by the last name we owned when we where men..."

"But Mackenzie-Ian-Norberto-Immanuel Arthur-Terry-Uriel-Ray-Eliseo Nazgul, you are as small as a hobbit! You could not once have been a king of men, or where you?"

"No, actually I was not... I was a little boy and some old guy who looked crazy told me to take his ring because he sensed great evil... And now I look like this!" Mini tugged at his black robes.

"Do I have to call you Mackenzie-Ian-Norberto-Imman-

"No, don't... Just call me, whatever, Mac or Mini will do just fine."

"Okay Mac." Merry smiled.

And thus, Merry and Mackenzie-Ian-Norberto-Immanuel Arthur-Terry-Uriel-Ray-Eliseo Nazgul became the best of friends!

"Fin, you are so screwed." Erestor prodded Glorfindel's leg gently.

"Don't touch!" Glorfindel snapped.

"Calm yourself, Fin. I can't lift you."

"And why not? Just because you cant use one of your hands does not mean that you cannot lift me."

"I can drag you, but you'll get hurt more, and it's a while to the nurse's office."

"Just get me there, however, okay Erestor?"

"Alright Fin." Erestor used one hand to grab onto Glorfindel's ankle that was not broken, and dragged him down to nurse Ulmo's office. Yes Ulmo is a nurse do not question the Valar!

"It's broken." Ulmo shook his head.

"Well, I knew that, Simon told me to break it." Glorfindel said.

"You are such a blonde." Some random kid waiting to be healed by Ulmo shouted from the waiting room.

"Shut up or I will give you a detention! I can do that, right Erestor cant I?"

"Just stay quiet and let Ulmo fix your leg... Lord Ulmo, I mean." Erestor said quickly.

"I cannot fix this, it would take to long. If I fixed this would three or more children would not get their wounds healed, and I cannot neglect children. Erestor, you have to bring him to the Lorien nursing home, it's the closest nearby. It's usually where mental come to live, but they also have the best healers for broken legs."

"Be dragged all the way to Lorien by one-handed Erestor? Never!" Glorfindel spat.

"I have two hands, you know." Erestor snorted.

"Then why can you only move one?" Glorfindel laughed.

"You know I got hurt, you where there. If you had done a better job protecting me maybe I would not have lost control of this hand." Erestor looked at the hand that he could not use.

"Well then I suppose I can call a cab to take you and Erestor to the Lorien Nursing Home..." Ulmo took his phone and dialled the cab.

"What the- is this? No!" Ulmo gasped as he heard the answer on the phone.

"Ulmo? I have not heard your voice since I burned myself in science class and almost burnt my legs off!" The voice on the other end laughed.

"Cield I swear if they had not taken away my belt because I accidentally hit some hobbit with it in the face, you would have been hit so fast I swear..."

"Ah ah ah Ulmo, the Valar don't swear! Now, what do you want, I am quite busy with my family and I do have a cab to drive and money to make..."

"I need you to come pick up lord Glorfindel and take him to the Lorien Nursing Home. Erestor will be coming with him, and if you are lucky I wont be able to find a belt by the time you get here." Ulmo hung up the phone.

"You really don't like that prince boy do you?" Glorfindel grinned.

"No, not really..."

"I like him." Erestor shrugged.

"You like his sister, idiot." Glorfindel laughed.

"That's not true!"

"You two act like school children." Ulmo shook his head in disbelief.

"Alright, I came as fast as I could with two sobbing children sitting in the back seat of my car... Were is the Balgy slayer and 'Resty?" Cield barged into Ulmo's room.

"Just like you not to knock. No wonder you where expelled." Ulmo said.

"Enough about the past, O holy Vala. Come on Glorfindel, let's get you to the mental home - uh, I mean, the Lorien hospital..." Cield lifted Glorfindel by under his arms and with Erestor's good hand he lifted Glorfindel's leg.

"Don't worry Fin, we are in the cab now, things are looking better for you." Erestor gently rubbed his friend's back.

Cield sat in the driver's seat and slammed the door.

"Don't mind my kids, they are in the seats behind you... Should not cause too much trouble, I gave them some socks to play with, it keeps them amused for hours."

"New people!" Erestor heard some childish voice cry with joy. A sock hit Erestor in the back of his head.

"Cield... uh... Socks are flying and hitting us..." Erestor said quietly. Cield turned his head around to see what his elflings where up to, and everyone went silent when they heard a loud ripping noise.

"My hair!" Cield screamed. Cield looked at the door and a good amount of his hair, which he had shut the door on, was there in the door.

"I'm not bald, am I?" Cield felt the top of his head, worried for his beautiful long hair that was past his waist

"No, but there is a small patch with no hair." Glorfindel giggled as Cield moaned and banged his head on the steering wheel.

_

* * *

_

_To be continued..._

**Rainbow Fish: I know you are odd, and I doubt you have spell check, but don't worry, deep down we are all a little 'odd'... Like Celeborn, we will see him next chapter in the Lorien Nursing Home, but you cant blame him, when you are married to a creepy old elf who can read your mind every single moment...**

**Manwathiel: Blame Simon (based on the one from American Idol, of course)... And we all thought that the only bad thing Simon did was criticism, but NO! He also breaks elven legs for free...**

**God-Girl2004: I did not mean to sound rude. Sorry. You got me into a strange religious moment. I have a bible by the way, I lost it, but It's here at home somewhere, it was purple and old, I like it. I have a pretty cross too. I believe in god, yes. God is my best friend. Is that sounding rude? I am not that religious but I do know religion and such... **

**M. Jade Skywalker: Figwit (standing for Frodo Is Grea- Who Is That?!)... I love Figwit since he's so cute! A lot of people think I'm crazy. I have a teacher who looks just like Figwit, with the hair and everything. **

**Haldir's heart and Soul: Like the random kid said, he is such a blonde. It's a very popular saying at my school...**

**Bberry06: I once had green whiteout, for correcting mistakes on checks... Well, it was my mom's but I used it. It was not very green.**

**Mesozoic Flower: Arwen tends to be a little thief when she sees shiny things, and Thranduil loves shiny stuff, so obviously with such common interests someone was bound to steal something shiny...**

**Mistopurr: Billy Bob would love to help out our buddy Calaen... And you know, Cield thinks he could become good friends with old Cal, since, after all, Cield and Calaen both have names starting with 'C', they both have the tendency to be evil, they both are sons of Thranduil, they both have -sometimes nerdy- older brothers, they both are second born, they both have something against Legolas 50 of the time or more, they both have lost their mother and they both have a son - well, Cield has a daughter as well but lets ignore that... Billy Bob is also Cield and Arwen's therapist; he works with only the best (Thranduil included)... **

**Here comes the hockey puck: I talked to my friend who just finished in guides. She says that you where far too old for brownies, but there was other levels you could have been in... But I don't know where you are so it may be different there. It will be a good play, don't worry, with Gimli as snow-white, everything will be PERFECT... **

**Surf all day and do the hula: I don't have elastics, or at least, not yet...**

**Starlit jewel: What do you mean by fazing out? **


	24. The Lorien Nursing Home

**Chapter 24: The Lorien nursing home**

"Cield, do you have a type of device I could use to communicate with my family?" Erestor asked. Lorien was still a far way off.

"Listen Erestor, if you still have yet to notice, no one around here is that dumb any more, you CAN say that you need a cell phone, stop trying to be like King Arthur!" Glorfindel commented.

"Shut up and drink the herbal tea to ease your leg." Erestor snapped as Cield threw a cell phone at him. Cield smiled as he caught a flying sock his son had shot.

"Be more careful Nenmir." Cield tossed the sock back.

"Sorry ada." Nenmir gurgled in happiness, crawling over Erestor (who started to panic, thinking the elfling was trying to assault him) and sitting on his father's lap as Cield drove.

Glorfindel looked at Erestor who dialed a number on his phone.

"I will not be home for some hours, Lord Glorfindel was injured and I ride in Prince Cield's car to bring Glorfindel to be healed... What do you mean I'm never home? Ai... Ai... All right we are at the hospital, love, I doubt they allow cell phones inside... Bye dear... yes I'll bring home some cream... Yes I will ask Galadriel if she has any more brownies for our elfling... Okay I will clean out the garage when I get home... No I am not returning our plasma screen television!" Erestor hung up.

"You should not have gotten married, Erestor." Glorfindel smiled.

"Well maybe you should have, then when you get old your children could finally stick you in an old folks' home, in fact you really should be in one right now, no elf who was around in the first age should be here now!" Erestor snorted.

"Hey, has your wife seen your scars?" Glorfindel poked a brown scar that was on the side of Erestor's neck.

"Don't touch them like that!" Erestor swatted away Glorfindel's fingers.

"You are so embarrassed, that's why you usually keep your hair down and wear too much mascara, foundation and blush, but look! You braided your hair today and ran out of foundation so now I can poke them!"

"Cield, help me get this -thing- inside the -hospital- please!" Erestor pulled some coins out of his pocket, paid Cield, and the two dragged Glorfindel into the hospital.

"Oh hello Lord Celeborn!" Glorfindel waved as Celeborn passed by. He was a resident.

"Why do you live here, sir?" Erestor asked.

"In all of Middle-Earth, this is the only place that is mind-reading proof... I can finally think of whatever I want without my wife knowing!" Celeborn was so happy, that's why he lived there.

Nurse Billy Bob (this poor stupid hobbit has many jobs to make a living) bowed.

"How may I help you?" Billy Bob asked.

"Fin here broke his leg." Cield smiled.

"Oh, I understand. Well, follow me and I will get it fixed. He can even have his own room!" Billy Bob smiled.

As the four walked down the halls they past by many rooms, and Billy Bob would explain each one.

"The one we just past is the janitor's closet and this is my therapy room. Inside is my assistant, Tappin, he's my brother as well, and he is dealing with a very needy patient, Prince Calaen of Mirkwood." Billy Bob explained. Cield dropped Glorfindel's legs and Glorfindel screamed.

"A-and then... I-I... H-he... B-broke a... v-vase... And... Thranduil... b-believed... my b-brother... L-Legolas... A-and... A-and... I k-killed... My older b-brother... A-and he... c-came... b-back... b-because h-he's a... b-big... b-big... big m-meanie... A-and... A-and... I grew up w-with... T-Thranduil a-as my father... because... cause... p-people like to l-lie t-to m-me... A-and my little brother L-Legolas u-used to b-be c-close t-to me b-ut..." Calaen's head snapped up when he saw the very pissed off Cield glaring at him.

"You liar! I am Thranduil's son! Legolas is my annoying brother so get your own! Thranduil is MY father, MINE MINE MINE! I am the prince, ME, ME, ME... Oh and Legolas is MY brother, NOT NOT NOT yours! And Tonus is MY older brother who YOU did not KILL!" Cield yelled.

"No, I am the prince of Mirkwood! Legolas is my brother you imposter! And I did kill him and I'd do it again but... I have no idea who Tonus is, another imposter I bet!" Calaen jumped up.

"Remember what you learnt in anger management class!" Tappin yelled. Calaen was now fighting Cield.

"Prince Cield does not exist! I am prince, Prince Calaen!"

"No, it is prince CIELD! And prince Tonus... and Legolas!" Cield bit Calaen.

"Um, moving right alone... Don't worry, we get that a lot here." Billy Bob continued his tour, leaving Calaen and Cield wrestling.

"Well, here it is, Glorfindel's room. It will take us a week to heal him to the best of our abilities." Billy Bob bid Erestor farewell.

"Um, Cield, please, I need to get back to school and with you and Calaen fighting I cannot really get back."

"Hey, Erestor, did you know that me and Calaen have so much in common? Hell, both our names start with C!" Cield smiled, one arm around Calaen.

"That's nice, now bring me back home!" Erestor followed Cield and Calaen back to the cab.

Erestor paid Cield and hopped in. Calaen sat beside him. Erestor was uncomfortable.

When they were at the school, Erestor got out of the taxi as quickly as he could. Having Calaen beside him was very scary. As Erestor had an abusive childhood, sitting beside someone who needed therapy and anger management classes was very creepy.

_To be continued..._

_I've decided that **the word of the chapter is: Assault**! It is a very amusing word, that's why! I will try to use the word assault in all of the response to reviews! Lets see if I can..._

_Big THANK-YOU to Mistopurr for letting me use Calaen. You have to read her story to really understand that part... Basically Calaen is a big meanie... Well, he loves his little brother Legolas then he blames Legolas for their mother's death sort of and well Calaen kills his older brother and he is mean like Cield tended to be in the beginning of Haldir's Here... But a lot worse! I always knew Cield and Calaen where meant to be... friends!_

**Gods-girl2004: I am glad that it is okay! Now I am happy. Cield's kids are also amused with pots and pans (especially Sam's orc-killing frying pan). But once, a PURPLE sock assaulted Cield's son (Nenmir) so now Cield has a goal in life to destroy all purple socks. I have pink socks instead, it keeps Cield content and it lowers the risk that Cield will try and set a fire and burn my house down.**

**Manwathiel: Making fun of Glorfindel is fun, and the same goes for Legolas and Haldir, of course. Mini Nazgul was named after my pet garbage bag (he lives in a tree outside a homeless people's shelter (so me and my friend get nervous that a hobo will assault him), he turned one year old in September, he's still in that tree)!**

**Mesozoic Flower: Thranduil says to stop staring at him like that. He thinks you want to assault him...**

**Mistopurr: So, what does Calaen have to say about this chapter? Does he want to have Cield as a friend? Erestor is scared of Calaen, but Erestor and all other characters in this story are being abused (since Billy bob says that once you abuse or assault a character you can make it do lots of cool tricks like playing dead... It gave me a reason to assault Haldir) so they may not exactly be their normal selves... Fun to kill yourself, our school play for the first semester is Alice and Wonderland... **

**Here comes the hockey puck: Merry is friends with everyone, since he is always able to offer them some weed... Merry also knows how to assaultinnocent bystanders. **

**Surf all day and do the hula: Good job on saying that you like it. You get a brownie, and your choice of elf (or smelly dwarf or hobbit) to assault you...**

**Laer4572: I like that you like Haldir's Here. I have no need to say assault in this response to review – oh wait, look, I just did!**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: If Glorfindel is not careful the purple socks from beyond will assault him and being such a blonde he will not even realize how evil they are! Purple socks shall all die!**

**Bberry06: Do not laugh at the gods - they may assault you!**

**Ms. Unknown: I worked hard on choosing the perfect names to stand for each letter... Since Mini would surly assault me if I gave him a silly name like Nicole... Hey that's my name!**


	25. Mordor College

**Chapter 25: Mordor College**

* * *

"And now course group lets endow with a lukewarm salutation to our new scholars, Eomer, Eowyn, Melpomaen (or Figwit), Faramir and Grima." Professor Goblin said, using very big and confusing words (being a college teacher after all).

"Salutations Eomer, Eowyn, Melpomaen (or Figwit), Faramir and Grima!" Said the class, which consisted mainly of goblins, orcs and Nazguls.

"New scholars please take the vacant seating." Professor Goblin told them.

"What does THAT mean?" The five asked.

"Go and sit down where you can." The goblin teacher whispered. The five all sat beside each other at a round table.

"Now course group, today we will be commerce with exponents, square roots, integers, algebra and fractions, just as a review. Master Grima, would you be bothered to tell us what the square root of thirty-six is?"

"I don't know." Grima shrugged. Professor Goblin shook his head sadly.

"Go to the principal's office." Professor Goblin said, pointing to the door. The other students laughed.

"Well then, Master Melpomaen, would you be concerned to tell us what one-hundred-ninety-nine to the exponent two-hundred-twenty is?" Professor Goblin asked.

"I'm not sure." Melpomaen sadly rose and left to go to the principal's office as he knew the professor would tell him to do.

"Well then… Eomer, what is the answer to this question if A is equal to 288, B is equal to 7966 and C is equal to .999?" Professor Goblin wrote the following equation on the chalkboard:

A C - (-B) (A)(B) x C x C x C - ((-A) - (-B) - (-C)

"I have no idea!" Eomer gasped.

"Oh come on, that is just too easy for words!" One random orc yelled as Eomer left to the principal's office.

"Well then Master Faramir, what are 57/569 plus 770/56 090?" Professor Goblin asked Faramir the fraction question every student fears.

"I… I have no clue!"

"Principal's office young man." The goblin teacher watched him leave.

"Ai Eowyn, you are the last one left! Do you have any idea what -800 x -2 is?"

"No."

"Ai! Go to the principal's office!"

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"So Mac, do you plan to kill me?" Merry asked.

"No, not really." Mini, or Mackenzie, shrugged.

"So, want some beef jerky?" Merry offered Mac some of his beef jerky, but Mac shook his head.

"Us Nazguls don't need to eat, by all means we should be dead by now so eating will not make a difference… But of course, some Nazguls, the mean ones really, will just steal food from hobbits like yourself for the heck of it."

"Those big meanies!" Merry folded his arms across his chest, Mac smiling.

"I like you Merry, you are kind and funny, and my size too! It's sad, when you think of it, that in one month's time I will be in Mordor and you still here." Mac sighed.

"O, don't think of the future! A month is a long time, valar, school just started!" Merry smiled. The two where on the bus home, well, Mac would be living at the home of the student he was replacing, Grima.

"Well Mac, there's your stop! It's right by Isengard, so it will feel pretty much like home, it may smell a little worse since lots of orcs are born around here and there is some million-years-old trees in the forest nearby.

"But… I don't see a home, or any parents nearby!" Mini pointed out.

"Home? Parents? Your replacing Grima! He lives in that old box over there by the road, his parents are non-existent and Saruman takes care of him."

"Oh… Bye Merry!"

"Bye Mac!"

"Now can I sit beside you, cousin Merry?" Pippin asked from beneath the seat.

"Of course, now that Mackenzie is gone!" Merry scooted over and let pippin hop onto the seat.

--------------------------------------------

"Now, Glorfindel, would you please tell me what you did to your leg?" Billy Bob asked, pushing a stool up to the side of the bed and using it to get on.

"Simon told me to break it, so I did." Glorfindel shrugged.

"Ah, I understand what we are dealing with here, you seem to have the SB disease." Billy Bob sighed, rummaging through a bag with a red cross on it.

"SB? What does that stand for?"

"It is a very common disease in elves such as yourself. Few mortals get such a disease and it can be passed down to your children, but it cannot be 'caught', like a cold. Dwarves can get it easily, depending on the colour of their beards, but I usually have elven patients with SB disease. There is no 'real' cure for this disease, and some die from it, in factone in every ten people with SB are killed by it. Luckily, all that happened to you was a broken foot, it could have been worse."

"So what does it stand for?"

"SB is a shorter term for Stupid Blondes… It happens only to blondes, obviously, so elves such as your friend Erestor and the Lord Elrond will not be able to get such an illness…"

"So it will NEVER go away?"

"Well, I can do my best. What colour do you prefer, Red, brown or black?"

"Black."

Billy Bob opened a bottle and carefully poured it's black contents all over Glorfindel's blonde hair until it was black.

"Now, you are no longer blonde… This is the only way to cure this disease without chopping off all the blonde hair on your body. It works, and you will no longer be a dumb blonde, but if you do not dye your hair black at the first sight of the blonde hair reappearing, you will suffer from SB, and it could lead you to death."

"How will it kill me?"

"It will just make you do something so incredibly stupid that you die from doing that stupid stunt, like say you believe you can fly and jump off Isengard to prove it, or you think that the lava in Mount Doom will not burn you. I had one patient who thought that he wound not be in pain if orcs tortured him... We saved him, but he sure learnt his lesson... Later on he died thinking that he would be able to survive even if an oliphaunt's foot stepped on him..." Billy Bob said.

"I am glad you stopped me from doing THAT!" Glorfindel sighed in relief, crossing off on his agenda 'Swim in Mount Doom - Thursday, 5 PM'.

"Now, about your leg…"

-------------------------------------------------------

"Well Cield, it's been great. That list of 101 ways to kill or torture Legolas was fun making, I cannot wait to try them out on MY brother Legolas at MY version of the palace!" Calaen smiled.

"And those ways of torturing - I don't want to kill him yet -will work perfectly on MY brother Legolas, and if they don't work on him there are other members of MY family that I can try them on!" Cield smiled.

"I should be getting back to my version of Mirkwood."

"Can I come with you?" Cield asked.

"No! If you came to MY version, how would I explain that there are two different versions of Mirkwood and you are from the other one? Besides, from what I've heard when I go back there I will die…"

"No! You can't go back if you are going to die!" Cield grabbed onto his new friend's arm.

"I have too! Don't worry, I come back as Calaen the white!"

_To be continued…_

_Calaen the white? Hm,well there you go! Why make Mistopurr write an alternate ending to her story? See, all she has to say is he comes back white. I don't know how I thought of that... Gandalf influenced me!_


	26. Haldir goes home

**Chapter 26: Haldir goes home**

* * *

Cield's son and daughter were on his lap, and Nenmir had begun to stir.

"Good morning ada."

"Nenmir, it's night. You fell asleep, remember?" Cield smiled.

"I did? Oh!" Nenmir climbed onto his father' shoulders.

Thranduil had fallen asleep on the settee, wine glass in his hand. Haldir and Legolas had run outside to play in the pool, even though it was dark outside.

"The water is cold Legolas. We should stop, we could freeze!" Haldir whimpered.

"Nah. Why don't we see who can last the longest in the water?" Legolas smirked, pulling off his tunic and leggings and jumping in. Haldir laughed when he saw Legolas shaking uncontrollably when he hit the water.

"It's freezing!" Legolas yelled. "Come on in!"

Haldir sighed and stripped himself before jumping in and letting out a shriek when he hit the cold water.

"Who will last the longest? I bet I will. I do this all the time with my brothers!" Legolas said proudly. But after ten minutes Legolas' lips where turning blue, as where Haldir's.

"We should get out Legolas. It's cold, your ada will get mad." Haldir said, rubbing his arms.

"YOU can get out, but I'm not! I plan to win!" Legolas sneered, so Haldir sighed and stayed in the water.

"LEGOLAS!" Legolas gulped when he heard his father's voice yelling. They had been found!

"HALDIR!" Haldir's father was there, too!

"Y-yes ada?" Both elflings looked up to see angry fathers.

"Get out right now, both of you." Thranduil said angrily. The two little naked elflings left the water and were wrapped in towels.

"How long were you two in there?" Arhael, the father of Haldir asked angrily.

"More than ten minutes." Legolas said, shivering. Thranduil wrapped more blankets around the elflings.

"Haldir, you are in a lot of trouble." Arhael said to his son. Haldir looked at the ground sadly.

"You two need a warm bath." Thranduil said.

"I will go make one, my lord." Galion said, carrying a bucket of water.

"Who's idea was this?"

Legolas raised his hand shamefully. Cield sniggered and muttered 'Idiot' under his breathe.

"CIELD! I will push you into that pool if you do not keep your mouth shut!" Thranduil shot a glare at Cield, who just ruffled his brother's hair playfully.

"I did not mean it ada." Cield shrugged.

"The bath is ready, my lord." Galion said as Thranduil took his elfling and Arhael took his, then the two made their way to the bathroom.

Haldir and Legolas were placed beside each other in the tub.

"Hot!" Legolas whined.

"Serves you right for jumping into a frozen pool." Thranduil grumbled, taking a cloth and washing his son's ears.

"CIELD! Have you used all the shampoo again?" Thranduil yelled. Cield entered the room.

"Yes Ada."

"Then go out and buy some more!" Thranduil sighed. Cield turned to leave when his brother stopped him.

"Is that new, Cield?" Legolas asked, pointing to Cield's back. Cield smiled. Cield's shirt had been raised so slightly that Legolas could catch a glimpse of his tunic.

"Yes it is." Cield raised his shirt to reveal the full tattoo: A large dragon covering his back.

"Valar Cield, why do you do this to your body?" Thranduil sighed, although the tattoo was beautiful.

"I like it ada." Cield shrugged, pulling off his shirt to show off his other tattoos.

"When I'm bigger I want tattoos like yours!" Legolas giggled in joy.

"Well keep dreaming ion-nin, for as long as you are my son and under age you are not destroying your body!" Thranduil said, shooing Cield and his tattoos away.

Arhael sighed and took a cloth to wash his son with. Haldir growled as his father scrubbed his especially hard.

Legolas was pulled out of the tub first, followed by Haldir.

"I had a good time." Haldir said as his father dressed him.

"I am glad you did, little elfling, but next time do not go out into the pool when it is so cold." Thranduil said, pulling leggings up Legolas' thin little legs.

"Bye Haldir. See you tomorrow!" An excited Legolas waved as Haldir's father left with Haldir.

"Now Legolas, I have to have a talk with you." Thranduil said, taking Legolas by his wrist and bringing him to the study.

"Do you think it was smart, what you did?"

"No."

"Do you think what you did was good?"

"No."

"Do you think what you did was something a prince should do?"

"No."

"Do you think you deserve a punishment?"

"No."

"Well you are going to be punished… No dessert for the rest of the week, alright boy?"

"Yes ada." Legolas climbed up onto his father's lap and kissed his cheek.

"Good boy. Now go bother Cield until I come and tuck you in bed, alright?"

"Okay!"

-------------------------------

"Haldir." Arhael sighed, pulling his son onto his lap.

"Yes ada?"

"How did you behave before you jumped into the cold pool?"

"Good. Lord Legolas' ada said I was a good young man." Haldir said proudly.

"At least you behaved well most of the day. Haldir, I will let you go this time, but next time you will be in trouble. You are to stay in your room for the night though, and go to sleep.

"Alright. Goodnight ada." Haldir hugged his father and was tucked into bed.

------------------------------

The next morning, Legolas was the first awake in his home and decided everyone else should be awake.

"Illiendal! Wake up! Illien! Hey, you're talking!" Legolas sat and listened to his sister mutter things such as 'Sernaer' and 'Kiss me'. Legolas found this very funny, until he yanked at her braid and she began to chase him around the palace.

"Legolas!" Illiendal grabbed her brother and tickled him.

"STOP!" Legolas giggled, grabbed his sister's hands and rolling around.

"That's for waking me!" Illiendal pulled Legolas into her arms and carried him into the kitchen.

"You where talking in your sleep."

"You do too, you know."

"Really? What was I saying?"

"You babble, mostly. Once you cried." Illiendal said, getting some eggs to make Legolas his breakfast.

"I cried?"

"Yes. You know, your little friends are so cute!"

"Who?"

"You know… Elladan, Elrohir and Haldir! They are adorable! And you are too!"

"Hey! I'm not CUTE. I'm dangerous!"

"Sure you are!" Illiendal placed Legolas on a chair in the kitchen and served him eggs.

"Thanks." Legolas shoved an egg in his mouth.

"Morning Illiendal." Cield said, clearly just waking up: Cield's hair was a mess he was topless and barefoot.

"You want some eggs, Cield?"

"Sure." Cield sat himself down on a chair beside Legolas as he was served breakfast.

"You woke up on your own, elfling?" Thranduil smiled at Legolas as he came down.

"Galion is not even here yet." Illiendal sighed, serving his father some breakfast, then taking a plate for herself. Poor Tonus was left to serving himself.

To be continued… 

Manwathiel: Billy Bob may not be qualified but he knows cures that are too obvious for doctors who are qualified to figure out!

Gods-Girl2004: You could also dye your hair red, or brown. Green, blue and pink work too. Just never go purple!

Here comes the hockey puck: It's 1600, not -1600. I just learnt integers!

Haldir's Heart and Soul: Glad it was funny!

Bberry06: I just took random, high numbers… I don't really know much of the questions I asked, I'm only is seventh grade!

Laer4572: That's a good idea! Friday night will be the day of the sleepover of Mini, Merry and Pippin! Yay!


	27. Merry's Sleepover

Chapter 27: Merry's Sleepover 

"So dad, can I? Can I please have a sleep over with Mac and Pip?" Merry begged his father, Saradoc.

"I suppose so but if that Nazgul tries to posses one hobbit or mushroom he is leaving!" Saradoc said as Merry skipped away happily to his pony, which he was going to go ride on to get Pippin and Mac.

First was Pippin, since he lived down the street. Pippin was aloud to come, but he was a tad bit scared to do so since he had a terrible fear of Nazguls - even the mini ones.

"Now, take a right turn around Isengard and… Here it is! Grima's box, where Mac is staying." Merry smiled proudly as he parked the pony right outside Grima's box. Mac looked up from the box when he heard the pony.

"Oh! Merry, what are you doing here?"

"Came to ask if you could come over for a sleepover!"

"I'll have to ask my dad- uh, I mean my master, the all mighty lord Saruman ruler of Middle Earth of many colours."

"Cant you just call him Saruman, or dad?"

"No I have to call him 'my master the all mighty lord Saruman ruler of middle earth of many colours'. Now quiet, I have to call him using my Walky-Talky-Palantir and it's hard to hear with this." Mac said as he tried to get through to Saruman.

"Saruman is currently talking to…SAURON… Please leave a message after the screech." Mac waited for a loud screeching noise before he left his message.

"I'm going to Merry's house, Love Mini Nazgul."

Mac hung up his Walky-Talky-Palantir and followed Merry and Pippin back to the Shire. Pippin kept a good distance from the Nazgul.

"Well, this is my home!" Merry pointed to his hobbit hole.

"You live in a hole in the ground? Well, it's better than a box." Mac shrugged.

"So, what should we do now?" Merry asked.

"Play tag!" Pippin yelled.

"Read a book!" Mac shouted.

"Why don't we do both? Play tag while reading books!" Merry suggested, and they all nodded in agreement.

Each of them took a book. Pippin took little red riding hobbit, Merry took Elmo's A B Elves and Mac took the Middle Earth Encyclopaedia of everything.

"Alright, so to tag someone you have to throw your book at the hobbit or Nazgul and it has to hit them." Merry said. Mac had a hardcover book that was over 3000 pages long, so both hobbits feared being tagged by him. But luckily Mac had trouble throwing the 3000 pages, hard cover book so it always landed a few inches away from Mac's toes and never hit anyone.

"Boys, stop playing with the books!" Merry's mother yelled. The three friends sighed and put away their books.

"Mac, your fun!" Pippin giggled, grabbed a pillow and hit Mac and Merry with it. Pippin screeched and giggled as Mac and Merry jumped on him and tickled him. Pippin shoved a hand in Merry's face to push him away and did the same with Mac until he realised Mac had no face and then he began to scream.

"Pip! Calm down!" Merry said.

Pippin kept on screaming.

"I'm a Nazgul, remember?" Mac smiled - but you could not tell he was smiling, since he was a nazgul after all.

"Oh yea! I remember now!" Pippin smiled.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Why do I have to serve myself? I am the CROWNED prince I will inherit the throne and-

"Just because you are tired Tonus, you don't have to complain. Now eat the damned eggs and shut your mouth." Cield smirked, washing his empty plate.

"Damned." Legolas giggled, Thranduil shaking his head.

"Some words your brothers say are not nice, you should not repeat what they say."

"Yes daddy. I wont."

"Good boy, now go wash up." Thranduil said, gently tapping Legolas' hip, telling him to leave.

"Okay."

------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Now Glorfindel, you realise your leg will take a while to heal?" Billy Bob asked, sitting beside Glorfindel, just after healing his leg.

"I understand. Wow. That is the most logical thing I have ever said! I love this black hair dye, I cannot wait to see what Erestor thinks of it!"

"I'm sure he will love it… Now, if you need help, press the red button that's right there." Billy Bob pointed to a red button. Glorfindel pressed it.

"Not now you idiot! Ah, some cases of SB just don't go away as easily…" Billy Bob sighed as he left the room, leaving Glorfindel alone.

"It's not fair, they all think I have 'SB', but I don't! My brain just seemed to have been… damaged… When I died in Gondolin all those years back…

---------------------------------------------------

"I will slay thou with my blade!" Glorfindel yelled as he charged forwards, attacking the balrog. They fought until the Balrog died, but both fell down the giant hole.

"HELP! OW! MY HEAD! I THINK I FELT MY BRAIN RATTLE AROUND!" Glorfindel yelled, but no one heard him. He died a few minutes later, and no one in the halls of mandos could fix the brain damage he suffered from the fall, so they sent him back just like that.

--------------------------------------------------

Billy Bob grabbed his sack and turned to look at his brother, Tappin.

"Hey Tappin, it's my break. I'm going home. I wont be here tomorrow, I work at the Celeb Cinema tomorrow then the next day I will be at school… The following day I will be doing some therapy house calls… Maybe I will have time after the house calls to check in and care for some patients… Keep an eye on Glorfindel, all right? Poor guy needs a lot of help." Billy Bob said, opened the special door of the hospital made for hobbits that was between the elf door and the dog door.

"Yep, of course Billy. You work too much so… Don't come if you're tired and don't worry about your dear balrog slayer." Tappin said as his brother left.

----------------------------------------------------

_To be continued… _

_I am really sorry that this chapter is so short! Please some **suggestions**; I think I have a bad case of writer's block. _

Mistopurr: I know eggs are evil, it's just too obvious… 

**Mesozoic Flower: Hug them tightly or else they might just turn into little ice cubes!**

**Surf all day and do the hula: I'm so sorry that this chapter is short, too, if you help me with some suggestions maybe it will get longer –hint-hint-. **

**Bberry06: Of course he's dangerous… He has those little sharp (and falling out) teeth and he can throw a tantrum from hell!**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Cield has tattoos in this since it's modern, but not in the other stories by me. Or at least, I don't think I've ever seen him with tattoos in those stories… **

**Laer4572: Here is your suggestion. I bet it will turn out good. **

**Here comes the hockey puck: So what is the story behind your strange name? Cold water is evil, especially when it freezes and there's snow and ice so I slip and fall while I'm trying to chaise my bus! **


	28. The three new students

Chapter 28: The three new students

It was time for the first day of the children's math class and they all where excited to see what Celeborn had to offer, or so Celeborn thought, they really wanted to see his reaction when he found out what Elladan and Elrohir had done.

"Alright now class, I am Lord Celeborn-

"Hi daddy!"

"Hello Celebrian… Now, back to business-

"Hi grandpa!"

"Hello Elladan, Elrohir and Arwen… Now, getting back to what I was saying, there are two new students in our class. Please welcome Tom, Goldberry and Fred."

A fat boy, the children figured was Tom, entered eating a chocolate bar.

"That's Tom." Celeborn said. When the fat boy, Tom, Tom Bombadil, sat down (he took up two chairs and three desks), a fair little girl, it had to be Goldberry (no one thought it could be Fred, that's for sure) entered. She waved and giggled then took a seat beside Tom. He gave her a piece of his chocolate bar.

"Fred? Where are you?" Celeborn looked around for the boy named Fred.

"I'm here sir!" came a voice from an empty chair.

"Fred? You're a… chair?" Celeborn asked.

"No! I'm a hobbit, sir!"

"Oh wait I have a note from your mother… Invisible problems… Oh well why didn't you tell me you where invisible? Well, anyways class, that is Fred the invisible hobbit!"

Fred waved, but no-one saw. But what people did see was that Merry, Pippin and Mini Nazgul (Mackenzie) where missing (they lost track of time, having such fun at Merry's house they where still there).

"Now, as you all should know from your schedule, I am your math teacher. We will be starting with counting, since some of you may not know that." Celeborn said, drawing three distorted circles on the chalk board.

"Now, how many circles are there on the board?"

"But those aren't circles, those are not round!" Boromir whined.

"Raise your hand to speak." Celeborn said.

"But I don't have to!" Boromir said, now getting angry.

"Any why do you think that?" Celeborn asked. Oh how Celeborn whished that he was still allowed to use his belt, but no, that was only legal in Mordor.

"Because daddy says I am special."

Celeborn sighed.

"So anyways, how many circles are there?" Celeborn asked. Boromir raised his hand.

"not round!" Boromir whined.

"Raise your hand to speak." Celeborn said.

"But I don't have to!" Boromir said, now getting angry.

"And why do you think that?" Celeborn asked. Oh how Celeborn whished that he was still allowed to use his belt, but no, that was only legal in Mordor.

"Because daddy says I am special."

Celeborn sighed.

"So anyways, how many circles are there?" Celeborn asked. Boromir raised his hand.

"Yes Boromir?"

"None, because they aren't circles!" Boromir sniggered.

"That's it Boromir, go to the principal- uh, Erestor's office, since Principal Glorfindel is hurt." Celeborn ordered.

"I cant."

"And why not?"

"Because I already went there this week." Boromir whined.

"Well that's too bad now isn't is? Get moving!" Celeborn ordered again, now furious with the little Gondorian rebel.

Boromir angrily huffed some unintelligible words as he left the class.

"Stupid… Ugly… daddy nicer… Smelly… Teacher… Elf… Bad… Mean… Ring… Smelly… Snot… Lemons…" Boromir grumbled as he opened the door to Erestor's office.

Boromir had always thought that elves where strange, but this made him think that they where more than strange.

Now he thought they where queer.

You see, queer is a big word for little boys like Boromir so being queer is like the best way you can say that the elf is gay and weird at the same time.

"What are you doing Erestor?" Boromir asked.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------

"Fred, I can't see you. How can I be your partner?" Poor Radagast was just too confused. He wanted to be Fred's partner, but even the fact that he was a wizard did not change the fact that Fred was invisible.

"I'm sitting on my chair. Now I am picking up the pencil-

"ARG! FLYING PENCIL! WITCHCRAFT! BURN HIM! BURN HIM!" Radagast ran around the room screaming.

"…And they promised me 'No metal students this year'…" Celeborn muttered as he –tried- to do some work. And he had a lot of that to do, since that robot he had bought from Well-Mart had broken down.

"Stupid Well-Mart robot. I knew I should have gone to wall-mart." Celeborn muttered as he saw some oil splotches on his desk, left there by the cheap robot he had gotten.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

Erestor had been Illiendal's teacher, but since he had to replace Glorfindel, there was a replacement, and everyone in Illiendal's class, including Sauron , hated the sub. Sauron had even said:

"When I grow up I'm going to imprison this substitute and make him do my homework."

Mister Fingolfin was never the substitute you wanted to get, only because he had a cursed brother. Everyone hated him for that, and he was actually a really nice teacher. He gave lollipops to everyone! Everyone!

"Now class, turn to the 789th page of your workbooks and do the work. It is all fairly easy, concerning Glorfindel's fight with the balrog. If you need help, I will be at the desk in front." Fingolfin said as he sat down.

"Fingolfin… What a long, strange name." Sauron muttered to himself. Illiendal, the poor student forced to sit next to him, rolled her eyes.

"As if Sauron is not a strange name."

"Are you insulting I? The great Sauron, the soon-to-be forger of the ruling rings? Are you insulting the greatest kitchen appliance of all time? Are you… Busy tonight?"

"Yes."

"Oh really? Well wait until I forge a pretty ring, then I can read your mind and know if you are really busy tonight!" Sauron laughed manically. He really was a nice guy, just like Darth Vader, but everyone has that little evil inside of them (so be careful not to water the little evil or it grows bigger).

Illiendal sighed and looked to her other side. Sernaer was focused on his work, looking very thoughtful. But then she noticed that it was not the 789th page of his workbook that he was working on; his book was opened but he was reading a note he had in his hands.

Illiendal peered over his shoulder; he was too concentrated to notice. She saw whom it was from: The bratty girl who sat near the teacher's desk… Luthien.

Ever since Beren had been expelled for unknown reasons Luthien was after handsome elves. And Sernaer seemed to be her newest victim… Victim, since every elf she had wanted to date 'suddenly' got expelled.

Illiendal saw how happy Sernaer seemed to be to have received this letter so she his him in the back of his head.

"Ow!" Sernaer rubbed his head. Fingolfin looked up from his papers.

"Illiendal?" Fingolfin arched an eyebrow.

"Sorry sir."

"Principal's office." Fingolfin said. Illiendal shot Sernaer a glare that made him instantly crumple the letter and throw it out, then get back to his work.

---------------------------------------

When Illiendal arrived at the principal's office – where Erestor was – Boromir still stood there, with gaping eyes, looking at the site in front of him. Illiendal joined the young boy in staring at Erestor…

To be continued…

Oh, what is Erestor up to? I know what. This is only rated… Uh… Pg-13, right? It can't be something too nasty now can it? I'm ending all response to reviews with Merry Christmas!

Gods-girl2004: Aw, that's all right… GO BACK AND REVIEW THAT CHAPTER YOU MISSED! Just kidding… Well, it wound be nice. But don't if you don't want to. I liked Fred, he is my bestest friend! Merry Christmas.

Haldir's Heart and Soul: Magical tattoos! Um… yea… What do you mean by that? Merry Christmas!

Mesozoic Flower: Merry-ish, what a wonderful word! Merry-ish Christmas!

Matrixelf: Well, Radagast was already mentioned that he was a student, but Tom and Goldberry never came! Welcome to school and thanks for the ideas! Merry Christmas!

Mistopurr: Well, it's December 14, 2004 here. And it's out today, for us. Poor us in Canada, it's out so later than it is in the rest of the world. Merry Christmas!

Here comes the hockey puck: Cactus?! Merry Christmas to your cactus!

Surf all day and do the hula: this chapter was sort of… Random. Merry Christmas!

Rainbow fish: Writer's block is sometimes fun, especially when it goes away. So are turtles! Merry Christmas.

Bberry06: Glad you like it.


	29. Erestor's Tea Party

**Chapter 29: Erestor's Tea Party**

"Erestor… Um… We can come later if, that's best." Illiendal was the first to spoke.

Erestor only clad in a green hula skirt having a tea party with four teddy bears did not notice the two students had ever entered and he screamed like a she-elf when he saw them. Erestor ran away in a hurry and ran back dressed in his usual black attire.

"You both have to swear that neither of you will tell this to anyone." Erestor said. Boromir laughed.

"I cant wait to find out what daddy's reaction will be like!" Boromir sniggered.

"You cannot tell him!" Erestor cried. "Please."

"Why would I listen to a teacher?" Boromir sniggered. Erestor was blushing.

"Please, I'm begging both of you, don't let anyone know." Erestor would fall to his knees if he had to. If news spread of his affair with teddy bears he would be even more self-conscious than before, if possible. And his therapy bills would surly rise, and Jerry Springer might give him a call, too, something he had been dreading ever since an elf in Rivendell yelled 'Goth' at him.

Illiendal, unlike Boromir, felt much pity for Erestor. Not only because he was an elf like she, but he was a kind elf even if he was strict and unsocial.

"We wont tell anyone." Illiendal said. Boromir's eyes grew wide.

"But I want to tell people!" Boromir whined. Illiendal shook his head.

"We wont tell anyone, understand?"

"Oh fine, poop." Boromir folded his arms across his chest.

"Now, what are you two here for?" Erestor asked, back to his usual self.

"I was making fun of Celeborn's circles." Boromir said.

"I hit Sernaer."

Erestor nodded, taking a seat in his wooden chair. He found two quills, two bottles of ink and two pieces of parchment.

"Boromir, I want you to write fifty times 'I will not insult my teachers.'" Erestor ordered, giving Boromir parchment, a quill and ink. Boromir sat on the floor and for once did as he was told.

"And Princess Illiendal, one hundred times 'I will not hit my peers.' Both of you are to have this signed by your fathers. You are not to leave my office until it is written and I had seen it." Erestor said. Illiendal sat down and began to write.

-----------------------------------------------

"MERIADOC BRADYBUCK!" Saradoc yelled when he found his son and his son's two friends still at home, when school was almost half was through.

"Yes dad?" Merry smiled.

"You are supposed to be at school! All of you!" Saradoc shook his head at them.

"Sorry dad. We'll go. Thanks for letting them stay dad." Merry and his friends all got out of the covers and ran outside to were the ponies where. Merry, Mac and Pippin all hoped on a horse and they all went riding, to get to school. But, they decided to take a detour through the old forest.

-------------------------------------------------

When Illiendal had finished writing her lines, she walked up to Erestor's desk. Boromir had already finished and had gone back to class.

"I'm done, Erestor, sir." Illiendal showed him, and Erestor nodded.

"May I be excused?" Illiendal asked, but Glorfindel shook his head.

"I have to repay you for not telling anyone." Erestor opened a locked cabinet, which contained files on all former students of the school. Erestor pulled a very large folder out that said 'Cield Thranduilion' on it.

"How are you going to repay me with my brother's file?" Illiendal asked.

"It has nothing to do with your brother I just… Ah, here is a paper signed by your father." Erestor took a paper, apparently a letter saying that Cield had set a door on fire, and pointed to Thranduil's signature.

"And you need this why?" Illiendal asked. Erestor dunked his own quill in red ink and forged Thranduil's signature onto Illiendal's lines.

"This way, your father will never have to find out." Erestor said, placing Cield's paper back into his file and locking it back up.

"Well, couldn't you just have told me that it does not have to be signed by my father?" Illiendal asked. Erestor shook his head no.

"I have to report back to Glorfindel, and all lines written by students must be signed by their parents." Erestor explained. Illiendal nodded her head.

"Thank you, sir." Illiendal smiled, turning around to go to her class.

When Illiendal got back, Sernaer was waiting.

"I'm really sorry. It's my fault, whatever happened with you and Erestor." Sernaer said quietly as she sat down.

"Don't blame yourself Sernaer, blame Luthien if anyone." Illiendal smiled at him, and he smiled back.

"I did you work in the workbook for you." Sernaer said.

"Why?" Illiendal asked. Sernaer pointed at Fingolfin, who was approaching them.

"For what you did Illiendal, you must do the next ten pages in your workbook, unlike the rest of the class who have no homework." Fingolfin said. Illiendal nodded, and was about to start working on those pages when she found them already done. She looked at Sernaer, when Fingolfin had left.

"You should not have, Sernaer." Illiendal said. Sernaer shrugged.

"You're my best friend, Illiendal, I would do it any day."

"You still call me your best friend, even after I hit you?"

"Oh Illiendal, you slap like a girl. It did not hurt!"

"I am a girl you twit!" Illiendal smiled, poking Sernaer's shoulder.

----------------------------------------------------------

In math class the children where working in pairs to count different things in the class. Legolas and Haldir had been told to count all of the pieces of gum.

"Hey Haldir, I know a great way to do this!" Legolas said, smiling. Many pieces of gum were in Legolas' hands.

"What? Will it make it easier?" Haldir's hands too, where covered in gum.

"Yes!" Legolas took all the gum off Haldir's hands and his, and made it into one big ball.

"See now all the gum in the class has become one big piece, so it's one piece plus nothing else. Any number plus nothing is the same number. So our answer is one piece of gum in the class!" Legolas smiled. Haldir was unsure of this, but decided to follow along.

---------------------------------------------------------

"Damn it Glorfindel, I will ship you to Mordor if you don't stop fidgeting! And they call you principal!" Tappin, brother of Billy Bob, groaned as Glorfindel would not stop moving whilst he was trying to remove the bandaging of the leg.

"But it's not fun! And it smells gross!" Glorfindel whined.

"Oh stop being such a infant and let me inspect your leg!" Tappin screamed. How Billy Bob did this without giving himself therapy sessions was beyond him.

To be continued…

Last update I said I would put 'Merry Christmas' at the end of every response to review but I forgot to add a merry Christmas at the end of Bberry06's response! So if all reviewers could **_wish Bberry06 a Merry Christmas in their_ _reviews_** it would be very nice!

**Manwathiel: Fred is the greatest, isn't he? Aside from Billy Bob, of course. **

**Rainbow Fish: You went to New Zealand and your not shouting and screaming it to me? Oh, what I'd do to go to New Zealand! I would love to see the shire and stalk New Zealand's squirrels! What did you see Lord of the rings related?**

**Moonlight and Starlight: Sorry the update was not very soon, but at least I updated before Christmas!**

**Mistopurr: Squirrels rock. **

**Melda Amarie: I don't think you've reviewed yet. Now you have! What Erestor did is not really R rated, is it? Teddy Bear tea parties aren't that awful…**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: The sad thing about invisible hobbits is that they are not as cuddly, since you can't really find them to be able to squeeze them. **

**Bberry06: Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Merry Christmas! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Happy Holidays! Season's Greetings! Season's Greetings! Season's Greetings! I'm so sorry, you where the last person who I wrote a response to and I had to get off so I had just… Forgotten! **

**Orliluvr: You're not the first to say Boromir's a brat!**

Laer4572: It's very hard to find Mini Nazguls now… But maybe Santa will find you one. Just be careful if it's stamped 'Miniature Witch King' on it's box, those tend to eat people. And read the handbook carefully!

**Matrixelf: I never thought of using Tom and Goldberry. I'm glad you mentioned them. I wanted to make Tom like the fat foreign kid who eats candy all the time in The Simpsons… **

**Mesozoic Flower: Lemons rock.**

**Here comes the hockey puck: The guy's name was cactus? Oh… Um… What a… Strange name… I never heard of someone whose name was Cactus. I have heard of someone whose name was Adrain (literally pronounced 'a drain' because his parents did not know how to spell Adrian)… But Cactus? **

**Gods-Girl2004: Well, I stuck Erestor in a hula skirt, but he had no graham crackers. My friend's brother's name is Graham, and when she asked a kid in my class if he knew anyone called Graham the kid said 'Graham? Like the cracker?'… I shall make Tom waddle in the next chapter!**

**Surf all day and do the hula: Well; now there's two days! 1… 2… and then Gandalf-Claus!**


	30. The bus has broken down!

**Chapter 30: The bus has broken down!**

Celeborn's class was quite the dull class (just like expected). Celeborn liked to talk about 'in his days' (the days when there was no McHobbits). By the end of the day all the little children dreaded next Wednesday when they would be having classes such as this again.

When all the children of every age raced outside they where shocked to see bus driver Thorin and Erestor outside, blocking the entrance to the bus.

"Children! Children! Settle down!" Erestor yelled, but he failed to get their attention.

Fingolfin decided that he knew exactly how to get the rowdy elflings to be quiet.

"Shut up or I'll call my brother Feanor over!" Fingolfin shouted. All the elflings quieted down.

"Our bus has broken down and is in dire states. No one will be able to get home on the bus today, so all of your parents will be called to pick you up." Erestor announced. Thorin just stood there, looking grim.

"And no student is permitted to leave the schoolyard no matter what way of transportation they use." Fingolfin added.

"But what if we travel by horse?" Illiendal asked.

"That does not matter. Your father will be called to come and get you and your brother." Erestor said.

All the children went off to play in the schoolyard, since there was naught much else to do. Whenever a parent would arrive the child or children who the parent was here to collect would be called up to the entrance of the schoolyard from the intercom.

"I hope my ada can come. He's busy lots." Legolas said. Haldir nodded.

"My ada is busy with my nana and my little brother a lot, but I know he'll come, he would not leave me." Haldir told his friend.

Boromir was hanging out with the 'cool' group (at least, it was the cool group in Boromir's little mind), which contained Leafy the feather, Black Dot the ant, Dirt the rock and Fluffy the dead caterpillar. Boromir was very sad very often because Leafy, Black Dot, Dirt and Fluffy never talked. Boromir had also been heartbroken when a bird had taken one of the former members of his cool group, Leo the piece of Granola Bar, away, far away and possibly had eaten Leo.

Teachers where scattered all over the schoolyard trying to tame the children, already there was a long list of misbehavior caught by teachers:

Estel spray-painted 'I am king' on the school wall.

The twins (Elladan and Elrohir) ate some worms in front of some hobbits, making hobbits vomit.

Pippin vomited on himself.

Sam vomited on himself.

Frodo vomited on the ground.

Merry vomited on Pippin.

Some crazy ladies calling themselves 'fans' had tried to run into the schoolyard to get to Legolas, but where prevented by Erestor, so ran off with Gimli by accident.

Crazy ladies returned Gimli, but Gimli was covered in lipstick and smelt like watermelon.

Denethor was throwing tomatoes at Pippin for unknown reasons.

Boromir was caught making out with a dead caterpillar he was calling Fluffy.

Merry shot a rock at a foreign exchange student, Loch the creepy Sea-Monster who resided near Moria most of his childhood.

Sernaer tried to escape from the schoolyard

Illiendal tried to follow Sernaer in escaping

Erestor was disgusted by the misbehavior, although it was not too bad so far (but when Erestor had caught Boromir making out with the dead bug, he was just plain scared). Erestor wished he could just go home and cuddle up with his wife who would probably nag him about no cleaning the basement or spending so much time away from home or questioning him about having affairs with Glorfindel.

"Baggins, Frodo, your parent or guardian is here." Announced Erestor in a very bored tone. Frodo waved goodbye and ran off to see Bilbo.

Before Frodo left, he whispered quietly to Erestor, "This is not my parent or guardian, this is my Bilbo."

"Brandybuck, Meriadoc, your parent or-

"COMING!" Merry screamed, running forwards, pushing anyone who was in his way out of the way.

"Took, Pere-

"IT'S PIPPIN!" Pippin screamed as he ran forwards, just in time to see Merry off and leave with his own father.

That left only two hobbits left in the yard, Sam and Rosie (and Billy Bob, but people had started questioning if he was actually a hobbit).

"Hello." Sam whispered to Rosie…

Meanwhile, Tom waddled around. He had such stout legs and was so overweight that he could not walk very well at all. Goldberry was very pleased with Tom, who was apparently her boyfriend, but others mocked him, especially the new students from Mordor.

"Aw, look at the chubby little baby! Watch him Waddle!" An Uruk-Hair stated, laughing.

"Waddle! Waddle! Waddle Waddle Waddle!" Tom repeated. Apparently he spoke not much English. In Tom's mind from what he had heard during his day at school, these where the English words he had learnt and their meaning:

Waddle Walk

Stupid Look

Fat Handsome/What Tom looks like

Lunch Eat

Celeborn (a very not nice word)

L'Oreal Elf

Idiot Father

Lame Late

Herbal Essences Elf (perhaps this is another type of elf, in Tom's mind)

Hobbit Short

Office Bad

Tom had clearly not learnt very much, for just recently when trying to say to Boromir 'Look, handsome short elf eats' Tom had said, "Stupid , fat hobbit herbal essences lunch!"

In a very short time, most of the students' parents had arrived and taken their children home. Legolas still remained, as did his sister, Haldir, Sernaer, Tom, Mini Nazgul, Radagast, Boromir, Sam, Rosie, Figwit, Sauron and Gimli.

"Could the remaining thirteen students all please come to the front." Erestor said over the intercom. The children did as they where told.

"Alright, I will call your name and you will tell me if you know why your parent is not here yet. Thranduilion and Thranduiliel, why has your father yet to arrive?" Erestor asked Legolas and his sister. Both shrugged.

"It may have something to do with the fact that he is a great yet very busy king." Illiendal said.

"Okay then. Aradhelion, Haldir?"

"He will be here soon, I know he will." Haldir said.

"Feredion, Sernaer?"

"I think my sister will come get me eventually." Sernaer said.

"Bombadil, Tom?"

"Office idiot lame." Tom said. Erestor took that as an insult, as if Tom had been calling Erestor an office idiot who was lame, not knowing that Tom had mean to say Bad father late.

"Hrm, yes, I will have a talk with your guardian about your… colorful language… When they arrive. Oh boy…" Erestor muttered when he saw the next name on his list.

"Nazgul, Mackenzie Ian Norberto Immanuel Arthur Terry Uriel Ray Eliseo?"

"I don't have a parent, well, I do in Mordor but while I am here my caretaker is Saruman and he will certainly not come for me." Mini Nazgul, or Mackenzie, said.

"Alright. Wizard, Radagast?"

"I have no parent or guardian at all." Radagast admitted.

"Gandalf can bring you and Mr.Nazgul home. Son of Denethor, Boromir?"

"Oh, here I am! Almost forgot!" Denethor ran through, grabbed Boromir and ran off.

"Okay… Gamgee, Samwise?"

"My father is quite old, if you get my meaning, so he might be a tad bit late." Sam admitted. Giggles came from Sauron.

"Alright, Cotton, Rosie?"

"I don't know what's taking pa, he should have been here by now." Sam seemed to be in a fantasy world as Rosie spoke with her gentle, caring voice.

"Alright, Melpomaen?"

"My… guardian… Is… Well… I don't know where he is. I might be here for a while." Figwit shrugged sadly.

"Sauron?"

"I have no master! I am my own master!" Sauron boomed. Only Illiendal had the courage to roll her eyes at him.

"Son of Gloin, Gimli?"

"Coming! Coming! Wait! Coming!" Gloin puffed, running as fast as he could (which was very slowly) to the schoolyard, claiming Gimli and leaving.

Now only eleven remained. As time went by Tom left, and ten remained.

"Oh, there is my father. I hope your father arrives shortly, I would offer to bring you home with me but your little brother might cause a problem." Sernaer said, giving his friend a quick kiss on her cheek and a tight embrace before running off to get to his father.

After Sernaer left there was nine remaining students. Figwit's guardian claimed him and left, and Gandalf brought Radagast and Mini home, now making the total remaining students seven. Erestor was asleep on the ground by now.

"So, now you cannot possibly be doing anything tonight, I mean, we are stuck at school. Why not have our dates here?" Sauron said, trying to be better looking than Sernaer as much as possible (but he surly failed that).

"No, I have to keep watch on my brother."

"Your brother? Ha!" Sauron kicked Legolas' rear, Legolas yelping a little "Oof!" and falling on his chest on the ground.

"There, not much damage he can do to himself there!" Sauron said.

"You hurt him! When you are older you'll be nothing but evil!" Illiendal ran to her little brother's side.

"I know, thank you for noticing that!" Sauron said, smiling (though it was not easy to tell since he DID look like a kitchen appliance.

"Legolas, brother, are you alright?" Illiendal pulled her little brother up on his feet. Legolas was crying and his cheek was scraped and his nose was bleeding.

"Oh Legolas, come." Illiendal opened her arms and her little brother ran into them, wiping the blood that came from his nose onto his sister's sleeve. Eventually, Legolas, Illiendal and Haldir were the only remaining children.

Haldir's father Arhael came into the schoolyard quickly.

"Oh ion I am so sorry I am late!" Arhael said, giving his son a hug. Arhael then noticed Legolas, who was now weeping for a different reason.

"What's the matter, child?" Arhael asked.

"My ada is not here yet." Legolas whispered.

"I know your father, I can bring you both home if you like." Arhael said. Legolas' face lit up and he smiled happily.

"Yes please!" Legolas jumped up out of his sister's arms. Legolas, his sister, Haldir and Arhael all left the schoolyard, first stop Mirkwood.

_To be continued…_

_I'm sorry it's been so long since my last update! It was Christmas and also it was Tolkien's birthday on the 3rd, my dad's birthday on the 5th, my friend's birthday on the 10th, my other friend's birthday on the 12th, Orlando Bloom's birthday on the 13th, my birthday on the 26th, Elijah Wood's birthday on the 28th and my friend's dad's birthday on the 19th. Busy month._

**Mistopurr: Legolas is a smart little shrimp; I mean elfling, isn't he?**

**Gods-Girl2004: Someone whose penname is gods-girl actually laughed at Saruman's death, how cruel. Well, I laughed too, so I can't blame you! But I don't see why Legolas shot Grima, the meanie!**

**Manwathiel: Imaginations are fun. I have a big one because I am special.**

**Bberry06: if you read the reviews of chapter 19 there is many reviews that wish you a merry Christmas. Still sorry. **

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Like I said to Mistopurr, Legolas is a smart little shrimp. **

**Rainbow fish: Did you see the shire set? Is the shire set still up?**

**Mesozoic Flower: Legolas chewed it but Haldir is more precautions then that (do you know how many germs are in that gum? Some of that gum had been stuck there since the first age!)**

**Laer4572: I hope this chapter made you laugh. **

**Moonlit-leaf: Merry late Christmas to you too!**

**Here comes the hockey puck: P1? What's that? **


	31. I want to be a penguin!

**Chapter 31: I want to be a penguin**

Legolas and Haldir had had a grand time running through the trees, heading to the palace. Haldir had picked some flowers and given them to Illiendal, making her giggle and pat him on his head. By the time Haldir, Legolas, Illiendal and Arhael had arrived at the palace, Legolas no longer cried but was grinning happily.

"Legolas! Illiendal!" Thranduil ran out of the palace, getting the bottom of his robes dirty, to great his children.

"I was so worried, when neither of you arrived home and I did not even see the bus pass by!" Thranduil squeezed his little elfling in an embrace.

"Arhael! You brought him home? What of the bus? You brought them both home?" Thranduil looked up. Arhael smiled.

"Did you not get the phone call from the school? The bus broke down so all parents where asked to pick up their children. Legolas and his sister where the only two children, aside from my own son, left so I brought them here for you, they would have been quite lonely if I had left them alone, even almost every teacher was gone home, save Erestor but he had fallen asleep."

"Thank you so much. No, I got no call, for my lazy son Cield has been on the phone for hours, talking to someone who he keeps on calling Calaen. Apparently an imaginary friend." Thranduil said.

"Thank you sir." Illiendal said, Legolas nodding his head.

"Your both welcome. I must return to my home, for I do not wish to leave my pregnant wife alone with our littlest, Orophin." Arhael smiled before leaving, Haldir happily waving goodbye before following his father.

"Cield! Get off the phone with this 'friend' of yours! Honestly, tomorrow we are getting you a full-time, real job, no more 'taxi driving for a few hours a week' business." Thranduil snapped, grabbing Cield's cell phone and turning it off (with great difficulty since Thranduil was not very accustomed to cell phones, he could barely use a normal phone as it was).

Cield moaned a bit and then lay down, getting comfortable as his son, Nenmir, climbed onto his chest.

"Hello Ada. I made cake with nana. Will you eat some?" Nenmir asked. Cield smiled.

"After supper, yes, I will be eating some, as much as you want me to eat."

"Will you eat all of it?" The little elfling giggled.

"How much did you make?"

"Big cake, five layers. Cook helped." The elfling giggled.

"I might be able to eat the first layer, but I don't know about all five layers…"

"Come on ada, I want you too! And you said 'as much as I want you to'!" the elfling protested.

"Fine, then instead of supper I will eat a whole cake!" Cield got up, carrying his son into the kitchen. The cake was chocolate and coated in a thick layer of sweet, sweet icing. There was actually eight layers and the bottom was enough to feed twenty."

"At least allow me to leave the bottom layer for everyone else." Cield said. Nenmir nodded his head in agreement. "And leave the very top for me, it's small so I can share it with Malfinniel too." Nenmir said. Cield nodded.

It still left six layers for Cield to eat. By the time the fourth layer was gone, Cield had thrown his head back and his hands where on his abdomen, quietly groaning.

"Ada, there is still two layers left. Finish." Nenmir ordered.

"Ion nin, I am so full." Cield said. He was ready to unlace his leggings, he was certain he would burst out of them if he did not.

"Nenmir, hini (son), your father has eaten quite a lot. Let him rest." Firelien put a loving hand on her son's shoulder. Nenmir sighed and nodded.

"Okay ada, you can stop."

"Thank valar." Cield said, getting up and leaving the room.

After a delicious supper prepared by the cooks of the palace, Legolas was tired, for he had had a rough day. Thranduil tucked him in bed and kissed him goodnight, singing a quiet lullaby to calm Legolas.

In the morning all the children were curious to see what arts with Galadriel would be like. Almost every child in middle-earth enjoyed, or rather, loved to do arts (save the dwarf children, for glue often stuck little unwanted papers into their fuzzy beards). Legolas wanted to leave immediately, for he was very fond of arts.

When the children did arrive, Galadriel looked very strict. She held a paper in her hands. By the time the whole class was settled, the only absent being Elladan who had caught a cold from playing in the rain.

"Alright students. Today is usually art class but we have been given an assignment just recently so we must do that before proceeding with arts. But before we begin I would like to explain the rules of my classroom." Galadriel said, many whines coming from the students.

"I heard that curse word in your mind, young Boromir, and that is one of my rules. No swearing inside or outside of your head. No throwing objects - yes I know you just threw that eraser to Merry, Mr Took. No chewing gum – Go spit that out Arwen. No writing or passing notes – dispose of that note immediately Goldberry. No thinking dirty thoughts. No kissing – Stop fantasizing about my granddaughter, Estel. No saying mean things about other students – Legolas, for your information, not all dwarves are smelly losers and you shall not think of Gimli that way again or I will talk to your father. Also, there will be no discussion or thoughts of gay people (or Frodo, Mr Gamgee). I permit no rings in the classroom, aside from my own ring. There is no touching or looking directly into the mirror that is at the end of the class – yes Gimli, I did find out who's hair that was in the water." Galadriel stated. Most of the children had been ignoring her, more fascinated by the fire truck outside.

"Now, the assignment I found on my desk is that we will all discus what we want to be when we grow up. Take out a sheet of parchment, a quill, and ink. At the top, write your name." Galadriel explained. The children all did as they where told, save Estel, who was not certain of which name he should put.

"What do you think, Arwen? Aragorn, Estel, Elesar-

"Please Estel, just put one and be silent." Galadriel said.

"Now, write whatever job you would like when you grow up. I will give you five minutes, and then you will say the job you want out loud and say one thing that is required to have this job.." Galadriel said.

In five minutes most children where done.

"Alright. Pippin, why don't you start?"

"Okay. When I grow up I want to be the taste-tester at a mushroom-flavoured chocolate factory. Once that kind of factory is invented, of course. It would take a very good tongue to do this job."

"Hm, yes… I suppose that could be considered a good report for a first grader…" Galadriel wrote a "C" in her grade book for Pippin. "Merry, you go."

"I want to invent a mushroom-flavoured chocolate factory, so that Pippin can work there with me. It would take mushrooms, but don't worry, I know an old farmer who has plenty of those." Merry grinned. Galadriel wrote "D" in her book. "Go, Legolas."

"I want to be a penguin when I grow up. You have to be able to swim to be a penguin, and my ada taught me how to swim already so I am all set." Legolas beamed. Galadriel gave him a C. These grades where not as high as hoped. "Boromir, go."

"When I grow up I plan to rule gondor, but to do that I might have to kill a certain man in this class, which would require a knife." Boromir shot an evil look at Estel, who hid under his desk. That got Boromir a C.

"Go, Tom."

"Master." Tom said. And that was all he said, no matter how many times Galadriel asked him to say one thing required to be a master. That got Tom a D-.

"Your turn, Haldir."

"When I grow up… Well… I want to be March-Warden of Lorien, like my ada… My ada always says that to be March Warden it takes… Well… Lots of skill." Haldir stuttered. It did get him a B; so far the highest mark in class.

"Miniature Nazgul, go."

"When I grow up I want to be a peace maker. You need to be friendly to be a peace maker." Mini blushed (though you could not tell he blushed). Galadriel gave that a C.

"Go, Frodo."

"I want to be a ring-bearer, and I want to go exploring with my ring. You need a ring to be a ring bearer." Frodo smiled with pride. That was a B-, for after all, it was a logical answer.

"Sam?"

"I want to be a security guard when I grow up. You need to be… Uh… Strong. Yea, that's it!" Sam got a C.

"Arwen?"

"I want to be queen of Gondor. To do that I need to marry the king." Arwen smiled at Estel, making him giggle. That got her a -B.

When all the students had gone, there was not a single mark higher than Haldir's.

"Alright… Well then, the marks where not as high as hoped-

"Ma'am! Ma'am! Did you get that paper on the jobs? My mistake! I make a misprint, see? Grade ones? This is for out eleventh graders, to prepare them for the next stage! I am sorry!" Billy Bob ran in saying, taking the paper from the lady's hands and running out.

"So we wasted all that time when we really did not have to do that boring work?" Boromir exclaimed.

"Not really…" Galadriel had a brilliant idea that could really get the children excited and still remaining on the topic of their jobs…

_To be continued…_

_No time for responses to your reviews, sorry!_


	32. First drama meeting

**Chapter 32: First Drama Meeting**

"Alright, to make things fun we will draw ourselves doing this job. I will give each of you a pencil and an eraser. No Gimli, you cannot eat the eraser." Galadriel said, handing out paper, pencils and erasers. "Then, you will come to the front and explain your picture." Galadriel added. Legolas' hand shot up.

"Yes, Thranduilion?" Galadriel asked, although she knew what his question was.

"Can we sit and do our work with a friend?" The elfling asked. Galadriel nodded her head in a yes.

Legolas sat between Haldir, Elladan and Elrohir. Galadriel watched the children draw and decided to help Gimli.

"Gimli, you drew on the table, purposely!" Galadriel scolded. Gimli had drawn a very long beard that went off his paper and onto the table.

"But the paper's not big enough to draw the big beard I will have in the future!" Gimli pouted.

Mini Nazgul was very busy drawing himself. He had a pink shirt on and was holding peace balloons, looking like a very friendly nazgul. It actually looked very nice, for Mini was about 17 years of age, Nazgul years that is.

"Has everyone finished?" Galadriel asked. When she got not a single 'no', she continued.

"Alright, we will be explaining our drawings now. Boromir, you first." Galadriel ordered, eager to find out what the little rebel had thought up.

Up came Boromir to the front of the class and he held up his picture. There was a purple, distorted fat person labelled 'Daddy', a little green stick person labelled 'Brother' and a dot labelled 'me'. At the top of the one-labelled 'Daddy', there was a speech bubble that said, "I'm not crazy!" and indeed he looked crazy.

"Um, Boromir, wasn't your artwork suppose to be you being king of Gondor?" Galadriel asked. Boromir sighed.

"I changed my mind! Now I want to be the guy in the white suit who takes my daddy away to the special people hospital, like where Glorfindel went." Boromir said. "Daddy calls it the funny farm."

Galadriel thought that that was creative so Boromir got a B-.

"How about Legolas, why don't you show us your work?" Galadriel watched Legolas come to the front. Legolas revealed his picture: A purple penguin with blond hair.

"It's me, as a penguin." Legolas said before sitting. Galadriel decided that that deserved a B.

"Me Theatre! Me Theatre!" Tom repeated. In Tom's English that he had learnt from eavesdropping, theatre meant show, so in Tom's mind he was saying 'Me Show'.

"Um, yes Tom. You go and show the class what you made." Galadriel said to Tom.

Tom waddled up to the front of the class. He showed his picture. It was very well done, the trees where beautiful and it the middle was a more mature looking (but still plump) Tom with a bird in his hands. Galadriel was very impressed but worried that Tom had traced the picture so put his mark to an A-.

When Mini showed his, Galadriel was again very impressed, but she did not think he traced since Galadriel knew that Mini would not be able to find a picture of a Nazgul in pink selling peace balloons in any magazine or even on the internet, so Mini got an A.

"Now why don't you g-

"COULD ALL STUDENTS PARTICIPATING IN THE SCHOOL PLAY PLEASE GO DOWN TO THE THEATRE ROOM. ALL STUDENTS IN THE SCHOOL PLAY PLEASE GO TO THE THEATER ROOM. JANITOR TO FRONT OFFICE." The intercom boomed. All the children who had gotten roles in the play ran down to the theatre room, expecting to see Glorfindel, but where disappointed to see Thranduil was the replacement.

"Since your usual instructor, Glorfindel, is injured and Simon is busy doing some sort of _television_ show, I will be instructing you. I am professor Oropherion-

"No, you are ada." Legolas said. Some of the elflings giggled.

"Yes Legolas, I am your ada but as for the rest of you, I am professor Oropherion… Okay, here are your scripts." Thranduil handed out the scripts.

"Now I will be taking attendance to be certain all of you showed up." Thranduil said.

"Brandybuck, Merry?"

"Here."

"Baggins, Frodo?"

"Right here!"

"Evil, Melkor?"

"Yea."

"Nephew of the King, Eomer?"

"I'm here, sir!"

"Figwit, playing Sleepy?"

"Hi!"

"Aragorn, playing Sneezy?"

"Hello!"

"Haldir, playing Doc?"

"Yes sir."

"Feanor, as Bashful… Why that's not very like Feanor, playing someone bashful!"

"I'm right here. And I heard what you said. Don't make me come over there and curse you, I'm not a little kid you know!"

"Yes, anyways, Boromir as Grumpy?"

Boromir grumbled.

"Eowyn, as happy?"

Eowyn let out a shrill yell of joy.

"I hope that was a happy scream… Arwen as the queen?"

"Here I am…" Arwen sounded bored.

"Sam as… hm… The apple?"

"Here! And 'm eating an apple, its good practise they say!"

"Legolas as - oh, I agree with this - the prince… Oh wait, there's more, oh, Legolas as prince _charming_." Thranduil said.

"Here, ada!" Legolas giggled.

"And um… Oh… Oh my… Gimli son of Gloin as… Snow White."

"Here!" Gimli jumped up and down repeatedly.

"Also, their has been two narrators hired just recently: Illiendal Thranduiliel and Sernaer… I cannot make out the rest. Are you both present?" Thranduil asked, scanning the room for his daughter and her best friend. He saw them and ticked them off as present.

"This is your first meeting of many. These meetings mean you will be missing class time and perhaps even coming after school. If you have noticed, the students who had been exchanged are here, too. This is because we do not agree with sending them away at a young age. If you may have noticed as well, the exchange students from here except Mini have left, because Mini was the only one who wanted to parentally enrol in the school. So, we are all here and today we will be writing a script!"

To be continued… 

**Matrixelf: I did the whole Legolas thing because my friend had asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up and I said a penguin…**

**Gods-girl2004: Gollum is janitor. It's fun doing Galadriel's class because she can read minds!**

**Bberry06: Yep, lil' Nenmir sure is. You will see a lot more of lil Nenmir in Haldir's Return which is the sequel to Haldir's Here… Creative name, eh? Haldir will be watching not only Legolas, but also lil' Nenmir too! Also trying to give Illiendal some lessons in archery but the first one does not turn out well on Haldir's behalf… **

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Yea, that's a different story but… I still can!**

**Mistopurr: I don't know… It's not like I want to be a penguin or anything… (Runs away)**

**Manwathiel: Here is more! I have a bit of writer's block with this one… That's why it takes a while to update.**

**Here comes the hockey puck: I don't think Cield found it very yummy after eating a few layers of it…**

**Mesozoic Flower: I got Galadriel to give out creativity points in this one, to Boromir. Penguins are the best! Aside from llamas and monkeys, it's a tie between the three.**


	33. Lice

**Chapter 33: Lice**

"Alright students, it seems we have already had the script written! We have makeup artists here today, so we will all be getting into nice comfy chairs for two hours straight to have our make up put on." Thranduil announced and shortly after, he was helping all the little actors and actresses into seats. Once all the children where seated, many elves that looked very nice came in almost like an army would and they all took a child and began to wash their hair as to apply a wig on afterwards.

Legolas and Estel had been seated next to each other, so while their make-up artist elves scrubbed their hair, the two talked. Well at least Estel talked.

"Ew! Ah! It burns! It burns my scalp! Get it off me! Ah!" Estel screaming and tossed from side to side as shampoo was rubbed on his head.

"Child please, it's only soap!" The elf that washed his hair said, hoping to soothe Estel. It only worsened Estel.

"SOAP! OH LORD!" Estel began to cry. Once Estel and Legolas' hair was washed, the two make-up artist elves looked at each other and back in their client's hair. They both then checked Legolas' hair, and then they both looked into Estel's hair. Then one of them went to Thranduil, who looked like he was going to throw a fit at the words.

"It's not possible! He has beautiful hair. That would never happen!" Thranduil said. The two elves that had washed Estel and Legolas' hair came back to the elflings with Thranduil.

"Legolas, have you and Estel shared any hats or anything that goes on your head recently?" Thranduil asked. Legolas thought about that and nodded his head.

"Estel was cold so I let him use my fuzzy hat, then he gave me it back." Legolas said. Thranduil sighed and helped Legolas and Estel out of their chairs and brought them out of the room.

"Ada, where are we going?" Legolas asked. Estel was too glad to not have shampoo in his hair anymore to even care that Thranduil had taken them away, all that mattered right now was where Elrond had hidden the bottle of bacon fat and grease.

"Boys, I have to talk to you both. You see, the two nice elves that just washed your hair-

"They where NOT nice!" Estel exclaimed.

"Yes, well anyways, they found out that you both have… Lice. Head lice." Thranduil said. Both children gave Thranduil strange looks.

"…Lice is a little bug that goes in your hair and is hard to get out and they multiply very fast." Thranduil said. Legolas clapped his hands.

"I have pets in my hair! I will name one Hurly, and one Jack, and one Kate, and one Charlie, and one Claire, and one Shannon, and one Boone, and one John, and one Michael, and one Walt, and one Sawyer, and one Scott, and one Steve…"

"Legolas, this is no joke! Now since I must be with this class and there's no way to change that, you both will be sent to Lord Elrond's house, your house Estel, to try and rid your hair of the lice. I will pick you up, Legolas, as soon as I may." Thranduil kissed Legolas on his cheek as Cield approached.

"I will be your driver to Imladris. My name is Cield. We pronounce that Ke-eld. Let's say that together, shall we? Ke-eld. And you are Legolas. Lets say that! Leg-o-las. And Estel. S-Tell… Oh, and this is Thranduil. Th-ran-doo-ill…"

"Cield, they know how to speak. Just bring them to Imladris. I'm sorry about Cield's behaviour, he's mad that tomorrow we will be trying to get him a job as a security guard." Thranduil apologized for his son before leaving to break a fight between Gimli and the Snow White Dress.

"Come on, in the car. No feet on the seats, I will have to return this rental tomorrow if I get the job. My lady Firelien is sure I will because I am strapping so she has already informed the rental car company I will be returning this car early…" Cield buckled the two elflings in, keeping his hair a distance. Cield had such long, lengthy hair he would kill himself before he cut it off because of lice.

Cield drove carelessly which got his three tickets and a lot of other elves honking at him. When they arrived at Imladris Cield was even angrier than when he left the school so decided to get therapy from Elrond whilst he was there.

Elrond greeted the three of them, and brought Estel and Legolas straight to the tub when he heard of what happened. He poured them a nice warm bath, stripped the two children and stuck them in the bath to soak whilst he made some good shampoo for getting rid of the lice as fast as possible.

The two children played games in the bath like 'Splash' and 'Kill Estel with the Soap Bar' until Elrond arrived with a bowl of soap. Estel cowered into the corner of the tub when he smelt the evil soap.

"Come closer Estel. It's not going to hurt you. Look, Legolas is being a good lad. Legolas is letting me wash his hair like he should." Elrond pulled Legolas up to the edge of the tub and put the soap in the elfling's hair.

Legolas liked it very much when his ada washed his hair since it felt so nice. But it was not as nice when Elrond did it, maybe it was because he was not his ada, but Legolas found that Elrond was scrubbing far too harshly. Legolas did not like it, and when Estel figured out why Legolas was making such a funny face he became even more afraid.

Once Elrond was done scrubbing he left the shampoo in the elfling's hair and went for Estel, forcing him closer and forcing the shampoo. Elrond scrubbed, trying to be as gentle as he could since Estel had a very big fear of shampoo. But Elrond could only be so gentle with head lice.

"Legolas don't rinse yet. Estel could you stop screaming? There, I'm done scrubbing. Leave it in your hair whilst I rinse Legolas." Elrond said, pulling Legolas closer this time and poured water over the elfling's head. Legolas blinked when the water got in his eyes but was very glad to have the shampoo, which smelt quite awful, out of his pretty blonde hair.

Estel however started to panic when the water got into his eyes, which had been quite wide open when the water was poured. The young boy began to splash and kick, which made Legolas scream and jump out of the bath, trampling Elrond who fell onto the floor. While his father was down on the ground with a panicked elfling, Estel, wet and nude, ran out of the room.

"Estel no!" Elrond ran after the little boy, leaving Legolas alone. Legolas wandered aimlessly out of the bathroom and walked into a random room, screaming when he saw whose bedroom he was in…

_To be continued…_

Chapters might become shorter; I have very big writer's block for this so I really love suggestions!

**Romen: That's great… Thanks for the inspiration for this chapter!**

**Mesozoic Flower: Yes… I have to read/watch Snow White again though, to make sure the play makes sense. **

**Manwathiel: If you love it as much as you say you do, you would make a suggestion… The more suggestions, the longer the story will be.**

**Mistopurr: Me neither. It was like that in Haldir's here. **

**Here comes the hockey puck: I love doing drama in groups!**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: You must have liked the chapter in Haldir's Here then, that I posted recently. **

**Bberry06: I'm really running out of people to cast as teachers…**


	34. Hair cuts

**Chapter 34: Hair cuts**

Legolas was in Arwen's room. A bright, pink little girl's room, with dolls around the room on white shelves, vibrant pink silky sheets on the little bed, a fuzzy soft kitten sleeping on a red, pink and white cat bed, even a pink television. Pink dresses could be seen in her wardrobe along with other outfits.

There were pictures all around the room, a few of Elladan and Elrohir, a couple pictures of Arwen's parents but almost all where of Estel and some with her and Estel as well, many of Estel's pictures where in heart-shaped frames.

"It's… It's all… Pink!" Legolas said, looking around quickly, observing all the pink furnishings.

Legolas was considering all the options he had. He could scream, but then Elrond would find him, he could faint, but then Elrond would find him whilst he slept and he would be caught, or…

He could run around the room and try on all the pretty dresses!

Legolas ran to the closet and grabbed a bright pink and red dress and some little white girl's shoes. His feet did not fit in the shoes like they should, but he did like the soft materials the dress was made of, it was softer than the tunics he wore.

The door slowly creaked over but Legolas paid no attention as he looked at his reflection in the mirror. Legolas was pretending that he was a beautiful bride marrying… Well, Legolas was unsure of who he was marrying. He took a dolly off a shelf and pretending that he was marrying the doll, still oblivious to the elf that had entered through the door.

Legolas spun around and screamed when he saw Arwen and Elrond in the doorway, Arwen looking tired and very confused.

"Ada… Why is there a boy playing with my dresses in my room?" Arwen asked her father. Elrond snatched Legolas, dressing the elfling in his proper clothes and bringing his to a trembling Estel. Estel's hair was much shorter, but Estel was still horrified from the soapy experience…

When Elrond came close to Legolas with scissors, Legolas knew what was about to happen, but he had no choice. He could not fight back he would not win… Elrond was going to cut his hair whether he liked it or not.

Legolas had to cry as his blond hair fell onto the ground, but when it was over he found out it really did not hurt that much. Legolas was very glad to find out that the drama meeting had ended and his father was waiting for him outside, his hair covered protectively from Legolas' lice by wearing a hat. Legolas thought the hat looked silly but was sad when his father put a hat on him, as well.

"Now Legolas, we had to take all the toys with fur and fuzzy material out of your room so that the lice don't get into them. If that happened we may have to throw the toys away or keep them away longer. Also, don't share hats or take off anyone's hats… Cield will kill himself before he gets lice in his hair. He's very arrogant when it comes to his hair." Thranduil spoke the truth. Cield had very lengthy hair and he would draw his sword at anyone who would touch it without permission. Even if Cield's mate ran her fingers through his hair he'd pull out his knife, if she had not asked first.

"Okay daddy!" Legolas giggled, following his father to their home.

"Hi Legolas." Firelien pat her brother-in-law on his hat-covered head. "We have good news, Thranduil sir. Cield found a job! He wont tell me what it is though, seems he wants to keep it a surprise." Firelien smiled. Cield ran out when he overheard what his wife had said.

"I just got it, so if you are not satisfied with it then I can go change it." Cield said.

"I will be satisfied with it as long as you're not planning on being a stripper, Cield, though I doubt you-

"Oh… Erm… I'll be back in a few hours with a new job…" Cield grabbed his cloak and left quickly. Thranduil followed him, just to warn Cield of all the other jobs he should not plan on being, such as a hooker. That ruined another of Cield's plans.

"What has happened to my son's mind?" Thranduil muttered as he watched Cield walk down the street.

The next day, Estel could not attend school because of the lice, but Legolas did anyways. He wanted to see what music class would be like.

One thing was for certain, Lindir looked nervous. But, who would not be with thirty little, dirty, annoying children in his study, expecting to learn how to sing, dance and play instruments.

"Hello class, I am- don't touch that! I am Lindir. I will be teaching you music. These are your schedules, what you will be learning this year." Lindir said. Eomer and Eowyn passed the sheets out. The sheets said clearly:

LEARN TO PLAY HARP

LEARN TO SING MERRY HAD A LITTLE PONY

LEARN TO PLAY OLD MC HOBBIT HAD A HOBBIT HOLE ON HARP

CHOIR SINGING

MEET CELEBRITY - JESSICA SIMPS-ELF

SERENADING

MORE CHOIR SINGING

BUILD YOUR OWN FLUTE

END OF YEAR TESTS ON HARP

Also, options to join school junior choir will appear around the time we will be learning serenading.

"Hey! Merry had a little pony! That's my favourite song ever!" Merry screamed in excitement.

"…What's serenading?" Haldir asked curiously.

"Stupid elf! Serenading is how you make elflings and dwarflings!" Gimli exclaimed. Elladan laughed.

"Serenading is not making elflings, see, I know how!" Elladan made his best attempt to show his classmates how you make elflings by using the wall. Lindir just stared at the elfling with his mouth hanging open, not having the courage to pull Elladan off the wall. He knew one thing: he'd need to sanitize that wall and fumigate the room once the students left. Or just demolish the wall completely.

Class did not go well for Lindir. Lindir was pulling his hair out at the end, not out of stress but because he had got lice from Legolas.

Lindir had only one choice… He had to get these children out of his study. A fieldtrip was needed!

To be continued… 

_I will be ending this story, possibly within the next 5 chapters… Ideas are burning out, aside from the suggestions I got in the last chapters…_

**Laer4572: Yes, it's so popular in elementary…**

**Romen: Only a trim! You noticed the lost lice… I like you!**

**Moonlight and Starlight: It might be creepy though, having Galadriel able to read your mind whilst you're in class!**

**Mesozoic Flower: It's lice; it was bound to happen to someone, eh! **

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Exactly, good job. **

**Melannen Amarie: Another person who figured out the lost lice! I like you, too! **

**Here comes the hockey puck: Your suggestion shall be used!**

**Bberry06: I've never had lice either, so it's a bit tricky to write about it. **

**Manwathiel: I like that idea!**


	35. Petting Zoo

**Chapter 35: Petting Zoo**

"Alright class, we wont stay in here all day, alright? It's far too dull!" Lindir announced. Gimli's strength had already destroyed three tambourines and Arwen had gotten nail polish on the piano, as well as Sam had destroyed all the guitars and Frodo got stuck in the harp. Pippin and Merry where wearing bongos as hats and Legolas had forced the triangle around his neck and now could not get it off.

"…Help…" Legolas was loosing oxygen. Once Lindir cut the triangle into three pieces of metal, he continued his announcement.

"What do you all say to an exciting visit to the petting zoo?" Lindir asked. All the children looked back at him, blinking, unsure of what to say to this suggestion.

"What's that?" Elladan and Elrohir piped up.

"It's, well, an area, with animals, and you pet them." Lindir tried to explain as basically as possible.

"That's so exciting!" Faramir was very pleased and began jumping up and down. Boromir rolled his eyes.

"Can we leave him at the zoo?" Boromir asked. Lindir gave the boy an angry frown and continued explaining.

"Now, before we can go, all the instruments have to be in place or else we wont get to ride the ponies or the horses." Lindir said, and was shocked at how fast every child made sure every item was away where it used to be, and even helped Frodo out of the harp and tried the strings to the guitar back together (though the guitar was still broken and needed new strings). Even Elladan and Elrohir got some nail polish remover and washed off the keyboards, though Lindir figured they only did so to be able to push down on the keys and make them play notes. Arwen was probably the only child who did not clean a thing, but being so feminine and afraid to damage her hair, makeup or nails stood in the way of cleanup.

"Alright class, you all did an excellent job at cleaning up, I'd say it's almost cleaner than before if Elladan had not… ahem… raped the wall…" Lindir mumbled. None of the children understood.

"So do we get to ride the cows?" Pippin asked. Lindir shook his head.

"Well then, what about riding the chickens?" Merry suggested, getting a no from Lindir.

"But we cleaned so well!" Frodo exclaimed.

"Yes, and because of that you can ride the ponies, horses and the llamas, but the cows and chickens are off limits to ride." Lindir said softly to the group of children.

"Well I want to ride a bull!" Boromir pouted.

"That is far to dangerous for a child, any child, especially a young one like yourself master Boromir…" Lindir started. "Now children, line up two by two. Whoever you stand beside is your partner, and hold his or her hand so we don't lose him or her…" Lindir said.

Immediately Estel grabbed Arwen's hand, which made the other children figure that by partners Lindir meant take the hand of which you want to marry. Since there were not many girls in the class, a fight commenced over them, but nobody except Estel and Arwen where holding hands in the end.

"I did not ask you to MARRY them!" Lindir explained. Quiet murmurs of "Oh…" spread through the group and soon each child held their friend's hand in a line.

"Alright, children, follow me. We will be able to walk to the zoo, it is located very close to this school." Lindir stated, bringing the group of children out of the classroom and out of the school.

The children remained very quiet in their lines just to make sure they where allowed to go and ride the horses, ponies and llamas. Boromir was even quiet just since he felt that he still had a chance to ride a bull.

When they arrived, Lindir had the unfortunate to have to pay for each child's entrance to the zoo, as well as his own entrance fee, which was doubled. Each child needed to pay two dollars, coming to a total of eighty dollars for all the children, plus four dollars for Lindir to enter. Tax also made the price become 95 dollars, a lot for poor Lindir, a simple schoolteacher.

As soon as the children entered, Lindir had to make sure they stayed with their partner and all together as well or he was sure he would loose one. The zoo they where visiting was one of the largest petting zoos in Middle-Earth, aside from one in Mordor, but only orcs could go in that one and usually you'd be petting imprisoned elves or hobbits not llamas and alpacas.

Their first animal to observe and pet was the monkey. There was five monkeys and a tour guide (who Lindir had to pay forty extra dollars for) held one of the more tame monkeys for the children to pat on its' head.

Everyone gave the monkey a little pat on its' head before the tour guide began to tell them about said monkey.

"This little guy is Harry. He's only been with us two years, and he is very tame." The lady tour guide told the children before moving to the next exhibit.

The tour guide took out a small little white rabbit and let all the children pet it. Boromir was the only one who did not, thinking that the bunny had some evil schemes and that if he pats it he would be devoured. Boromir had a wild imagination…

"This rabbit is Ron. He loves eating carrots. Here, why don't you feed him one?" The tour guide gave Merry a carrot to feed to Ron the rabbit, but instead of feeding the rabbit Merry ate it for himself. The tour guide said nothing and put Ron away, bringing the group of children and Lindir to the next part of the tour, the penguins.

"Now kids, we can't take the penguins out to pet, but we can look at them. These animals like the snow and the water and usually live in cold, cold places." The tour guide explained. From the look Frodo gave the penguins, it seemed he really wanted to be a penguin, just like Legolas did.

"Alright, why don't we go to the next animal before these children jump into the penguin cage?" Lindir suggested. He had already stopped ten out of forty of the little rascals from joining the penguins in their cage.

The next exhibit smelt worse than the monkey one did, to the children. The elves pinched their noses and for once wished they did not have such a great smelling ability.

"This is where we keep the pigs. I will not be picking one out of the cage as they are all muddy and I'm certain you'd much rather not pet them. The pigs do tend to roll in mud and eat things you little ones would not. That rather fat pig is a mommy pig, her name is Hermione." The tour guide showed the children a very large pig, which amused all the children, but none wanted to ride her like they originally did since she did smell bad and she did have a very large amount of mud on her.

"When do we get to see the moo moo cows?" Legolas asked, raising his hand.

"The cows? Soon. In fact, we can go right now. Follow me." The tour guide led them all to where the cows where mooing. All the children where very excited to see all of the many cows and to hear the mooing. Even some of them mooed along with the cows.

"Moo!" Legolas said, giggling.

"These are cows. You can go and pet them. You all know what noise a cow makes, and hopefully you know that we get hamburger and milk from them." The tour guide said.

"Ew! Now I have a reason never to drink milk again!" Boromir made a face.

"Now that you have all pat the cows, we will go see the chickens, roosters and their little chicks." The tour guide announced. All the little hobbits where excited and quickly followed, whereas Legolas was a bit reluctant to leave the "moo moo cows" so was slower at following.

Everyone, even Arwen who did not like how dirty the animals were, loved the baby chicks, though Boromir stepped on an egg and the mommy chicken attacked him for that.

"These little babies are very cute. They are not newborns but they are still very young, so be very gentle with the babies. As for the chickens, we get eggs that we eat from them." The tour guide said, letting the children play with some of the little yellow chicks.

"Now what are we going to see?" Grima asked. Grima did not like the cute little animals that they had already seen; he only enjoyed the pigs and Harry the monkey.

"It's time to visit our stables where the ponies, llamas and horses are kept." The tour guide said. All the children started to jump up and down and excitedly followed their guide to the stables.

To be continued… 

_So sorry it took a while to update!_

**Manwathiel: Haha, well, when he starts to "change" Elrond will teach Elladan the real meaning of serenading… I'd hate to know what at the moment little elfling Elladan thinks sex means…**

**Bberry06: That jar can't hold brains well at all.**

**Mistopurr: That's okay; a review is a review despite its size!**

**Haldir's Heart and Soul: Yes, I was debating if I will age them or not. I will.**

**Here comes the hockey puck: I love using my readers' suggestions. **

**Eleniel of the Stars: Music is fun… Well, I hated music class personally so it's fun to pick fun at it!**

**MatrixElf: I may make the geeks do that when I age the children from kids to teenagers soon.**


	36. Rides

**Chapter 36: Rides**

The elflings and children, plus Lindir and the tour guide, all rushed to the stables very enjoyably. None of the children hated the stables: Legolas and many of the children had ponies; a few hobbits owned llamas and all the parents (aside from the hobbit-parents) had some horses to ride, so the children where familiar to them.

They all wanted to go on right away at the same time and since that was the case, the rules because that you needed a partner.

Boromir was not the type of brother, at this age at least, who wanted to be seen being kind and loving to his little brother, so truly did not want to be partnered up with his brother.

Since Faramir had no friends and was too shy to speak to anyone but Boromir, he had no one to ask to go on the pony or the llama except Boromir. And Boromir, in attempt to avoid having to be with Faramir, ran to the first kid he saw and asked if he would ride the llama with him.

"So Grima, will you be my partner?" Boromir asked. Through the corner of his eye, Boromir could see the sad face Faramir made when he saw that Boromir already found someone that he wanted to have as his partner.

"Well… Okay…" Grima shrugged, since he really had no other friend or anyone who would want to be his partner. Grima did not care for ponies or llamas, but he supposed llama riding could be very fun.

The children who wished to ride one of the three choices (horse, llama or pony) lined up in pairs. The pairs could not ride long so that everyone who wanted to go would get a chance too, and they could not go twice, to be fair. Lindir would help since a lot of the children had never rode an animal before and where uneducated in that manner.

"Alright… You two first!" The tour guide helped Frodo mount a pony. Sam was partnered with Frodo, and was the fattest of the hobbit children. Sam was big even for hobbit-children, and the tour guide could only lift the child onto the pony with Lindir's elvish, strong help.

"Wee! This is so much fun!" Frodo cried out in joy.

"Frodo, the pony hasn't moved yet." Lindir pointed out to the over-excited young hobbit. Frodo, embarrassed, cave a quiet answer that neither Lindir nor even Sam could hear.

The pony walked slowly with Lindir's guidance, the two hobbits thrilled and only a bit horrified of falling.

The two hobbits rode for a few minutes, a short time but long to the hobbits who never rode any animal like it before. It was just to be fair, and the next pair where Legolas and Haldir.

The two boys could mount by themselves, with no help. Legolas had his own pony and Haldir had been taken riding a couple of times with his father. But they where not allowed to go on by themselves only because the llama they where going to ride was the zoo's property and the tour guide had to handle it.

Legolas was lifted onto the llama, followed by Haldir behind him. Haldir liked the llama's soft fur and held onto Legolas to prevent falling.

The two got the same time as the hobbits, a few minutes around the small petting zoo farm.

As each pair would ride, the others pet a few of the other barn animals, like the horses that where far too big to be ridden by such tiny elflings, dwarflings and hobbit children. The children also where given the chance to buy little bits of horse food to offer the horses that where in their stables, and since none of the children had any money on them, Lindir had to buy them each a bit of food. That became quite costly since it was a dollar for each handful, and with so many little children all wanting to feed the pretty horses, Lindir was flat broke by the end of it.

None of the children wanted to leave the ponies, horses and the llamas. The llama had spit all over Boromir's tiny face though, and now Boromir threw a fit and was the only one wishing to get away from the zoo as soon as possible.

"It assaulted me!" Boromir pointed at the aggravated llama, who had only spat at Boromir because Boromir had pulled out some fur and Grima had gotten the llama's pelt filthy.

"Alright… This was a very good visit to the petting zoo, but I think it's time to leave… The children are getting aggressive…" Lindir said as the hobbits where being very violent as they arm-wrestled and the dwarflings attempted to eat one another.

The tour-guide lead the children and their teacher to the exit, where the children filed out and Lindir attempted to get a kiss from the tour guide, but was very sadly smacked across his face so he went away quietly and ignoring Elladan and Elrohir's comments about kissing and serenading.

When the children arrived back at school, they stopped fighting and would have broken all of the musical instruments in Lindir's class, but the bell rang as they entered the glass. So instead of continuing to enter, they turned and ran towards the stairs and all forcefully pushed their way up the stairs and out the door. They ran through the yard of their school and towards the bus area. Quickly the bus filled with much children pushing and shoving their way on.

It was Friday, so everyone had reason to be thrilled, anxious and slightly violent, so the teachers let it slide and the bus driver dwarf even yelled a bit less and a tad bit quieter as he drove and the children misbehaved.

As each child got off and ran to their parents, they all reflected upon their first whole week of school, all excited, thrilled and most of them pleased (most, almost all, but certain students such as Boromir, where displeased and wished to drop out).

The children all spent six years attending this elementary school, and became great friends to many. Some of the children became more of bullies as time changed, and some kept the same friendships as they had when they started their first day of school.

The children grew older, and when they graduated from their sixth grade and ready to enter the high-school section of the Middle of Middle Earth School, they where all ready for it.

But they had changed greatly, too. Very greatly. Some where punks, some Goths, some rude and some shy and quiet. There where a few who did not change, but all in all, no longer where the children just mere children, they changed, and where ready for whatever their seventh grade would bring.

THE END

**I will be making a sequel very soon with them in seventh grade! It should be up within the month of MAY! Be on watch for it!**

**Also, the grades are Canadian. I don't feel like converting to US grades, since I don't even understand them…**

THANKS FOR READING, EVERYONE!

Theo Dark Star: I was originally going to put them in high school in this story, but as I've mentioned, I will be creating a sequel to this.

**Love like a Rose: Many of my stories with many chapters take place in barely any time: One story with 160 chapters takes place in a week (but I think another week or two goes by in one chapter). **

**Mesozoic Flower: Someone will be kicked by a llama in the sequel, and that's much more humiliating as a teenager…**

**Manwathiel: I live in the city so I don't pass cows but I call them Moo Moo Cows too!**


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